HOME | DD

dysonrules — Confundus
Published: 2007-08-15 18:04:46 +0000 UTC; Views: 1476; Favourites: 25; Downloads: 12
Redirect to original
Description Le Obscure Prompt War – Round Five

Prompts:  hospital, stubby pencil, box of Smarties, pig heart, corset


Lilith has declared me victor so that should could rush off to Rome on holiday, so we have decided to engage in battle with LOPW II upon her return.  With a Phrase War next time.  This shall be the last installment of this particular war...  Hope you enjoyed it thus far!

Confundus

When Harry woke up, he recognized his surroundings without surprise.  Most people would be somewhat shocked to find themselves regaining consciousness in a hospital, but Harry Potter was not most people, and his first thought was simply, “Hospital again.  Wonder which one?”

He Summoned his glasses and put them on.  His eyes skimmed the room casually while he did a mental check to assess for damage.  He felt pretty good, considering he just woke up in a hospital bed.  Ah, that brickwork was familiar.  St. Mungo’s then.  Harry, of course, had been in and out of St. Mungo’s so many times they had considered keeping a dedicated room open just for him.  They had built a new wing with the proceeds from his many bills.

The door opened and Harry perked up, wondering which nurse he would have today.  Harry knew them all by name.

Draco Malfoy was not one of them.  Harry looked at the blond curiously.

“Did you put me here?” Harry asked.

“Regrettably, no,” Malfoy replied.  “What is the last thing you remember?”

Harry thought back.  “We were at Beckingham Park.  I had the Defense Against the Dark Arts class with me.”

Draco sauntered to the table next to Harry’s bed and peered at a huge bouquet of flowers.  Harry blinked at them in shock.

“Flowers?  How long have I been here?”

“Long enough to have gifts,” Draco said.  “Oh!  Smarties!”  He snatched up the brightly colored package of candies and wrenched it open.  Harry thought he might be dreaming.

“You know those are Muggle sweets, right?”

Draco snorted.  “I prefer to believe a wizard created this confection in order to sell it to unsuspecting Muggles.  He’s probably rolling in Galleons.”  Draco tipped his head back and dropped a huge handful of sweets into his mouth.  Between the slender line of his pale throat and the blissful moan he made, Harry found himself staring at Malfoy quite idiotically.

“You were at the park…” Malfoy reminded him, crunching happily and jiggling the remaining chocolate morsels in one hand.  Harry scowled.

“Aren’t those mine?”

Malfoy smirked.  “They were.  Do go on.”

Harry glared.  He really liked Smarties.

“What are you doing here, anyway?” Harry asked.  Malfoy turned his attention to the flowers—white roses, Harry noted with surprise—who the fuck would send him white roses?

“Humor me, Potter.”

Harry snarled, “Fine.  I was at Beckingham Park with the kids.  That horrid Zabini boy—”

“Julian Zabini?  He’s delightful.  Blaise’s nephew.”

“He’s a menace,” Harry snapped.  “He’s like you and the Weasley twins rolled into one evil package.  He smuggled a pig’s heart to the park.  What sort of wretched, demented beast smuggles a pig’s heart on a field trip?”

“A Slytherin beast?” Malfoy offered.

“That bloody well goes without saying.”

Malfoy chuckled.  “Actually, I believe he meant to stage a duel and pretend to rip the heart from one of his friend’s chests.  The Gryffindors would have fainted.”

“So would I,” Harry said.  “How do you know that’s what he planned?”

“Oh, Blaise and I pulled that stunt on a bunch of Hufflepuffs when we were thirteen.  Nearly killed the lot of them from the shock alone.”  Malfoy laughed at the memory and Harry noticed that he had a nice laugh, even if he was pure evil.

“That’s not funny.”

“Come on, Potter.  It’s hilarious.”  Malfoy chuckled a bit longer, and then asked, “What then?”

“You should know.  We were having a picnic lunch in the park when you and Hermione showed up—I still can’t quite get over that, mind you.”

“Over what?”

“You and Hermione.  It boggles.”

“I’ll have you know, I’ve been working with Granger for two full years now.  She’s a fine girl.  A peach.  A paragon of personhood.”

Harry gaped at him.  Malfoy’s eyes narrowed.

“Fine, Potter.  I admit I was a horrid, bigoted, snobbish, not-very-nice person when I was younger.  People change.”

Harry wanted to argue, but he did not want to get into another age-old row with Draco Malfoy.  At least not until he found out what the Slytherin was doing here.

“I’ll ignore that, for now.  Regardless, you and Hermione popped in from the Ministry, because Hermione felt it was vitally necessary to ask me to dinner in person, instead of merely sending me a damned owl or a Patronus…”  Harry still had his doubts, there.  Hermione was up to something.  Harry knew it.

“Lucky for you Granger is impulsive.”

Impulsive was hardly the word Harry would use to describe Hermione, but it was fortuitous that they had arrived, because shortly thereafter, Harry lost all control.

“Yes, well at that point the blasted Zabini boy started a food fight.”

“You saw him do it?”

“I know he did it!” Harry snapped.

“I stand corrected, Professor Snape.”

“Sod off, Malfoy,” Harry said, but he flushed at the reprimand.  Slytherin bastard.  “Fine.  Someone started a food fight.”

Malfoy grinned.  “Much better.  Then what?”

“Well, I remember running forward to intercept a bottle being thrown at Roger Dawkins… and that’s it.  Everything is blank after that.  You were there—what happened?”

Malfoy snatched up a large, flat box from the table.

“A present?  You have a present, Potter.  Who is it from?”

Harry thought Malfoy’s voice was a bit more snappish than warranted.  It almost sounded accusatory.

“How should I know?  I just woke up.  Isn’t there a card?”

Malfoy rifled around until he held up a card.

“Well, well, well.  It’s from Zacharias Smith.”

Harry paled.  “Oh god!  Don’t open it!”

The admonition was too late.  Malfoy had wrenched open the box.  His pale eyebrows nearly disappeared into his hair as he held up a curious bit of silk, lace, and whalebone.  Bright red.

“A corset?” Malfoy asked.  Harry buried his face in his hands.  “Is there something you want to tell me, Potter?”

Harry mumbled through his hands.  “Put it away!”

“Which of you is supposed to wear it?  You, or Smith?”

“I don’t know and I don’t care!” Harry yelled, mortified.  “Just get rid of it!”

Malfoy huffed and replaced the garment in the box.

“All right, Potter.  I didn’t know you were that kinky.  And Zacharias Smith?  A Hufflepuff?  What were you thinking?”

Harry gaped at him for a moment, until his brain caught up with Malfoy’s wretched train of thought.

“What?  You think I…?  And… and Smith?  We…?  No!  No, no, no!  God, nothing like that!”

Malfoy watched him as though Harry’s protests were bald-faced lies.

“Really!  I only kissed him once, years ago!  When I was drunk!  The bastard has been stalking me ever since!  He sends me twenty owls a week.  How did he even know I was here?”  Harry leaped on a subject change like a rabid dog.  “Weren’t you telling me what happened?”

Malfoy tossed the incriminating box aside.  He took a stubby pencil from the table and absently picked up Harry’s medical chart.

“Yes, well, after you rushed over to sacrifice yourself and save the worthless Dawkins boy, you were hit with a Confundus Charm,” Malfoy said while reading the chart.

“A… what?  Who hit me with a Charm?  The wands were all left at Hogwarts.”

“Apparently one of the little darlings smuggled one along.”

Zabini! Harry thought, but clamped his jaw shut.  Malfoy made a notation on Harry’s chart with the pencil.  Harry refused to ask.  He refused.

“What happened then?” he asked instead.

“You were completely giddy—made me rather curious to see you drunk, actually—and you immediately flung yourself on my neck and declared your undying love for me.”

Harry thought he must have stepped into an alternate universe for a moment.  Perhaps he was still sleeping and this was all a very bizarre dream.

“I did what?” he managed to squeak.  Malfoy made another quick note to his chart before glancing at Harry and nodding.

“Oh yes.  And then you kissed me quite passionately.”

Malfoy finished his assault on Harry’s chart and replaced it into the holder before tossing the stubby pencil aside.

“I… I kissed you,” Harry repeated.  Malfoy put both hands on the mattress and leaned over Harry, who shrank back against the pillows.

“You don’t remember, Potter?”

“No.”

“Perhaps this will remind you,” Malfoy said and leaned closer.  Harry forgot to breathe, luckily, because Malfoy’s lips choked off his access to air.  Malfoy crushed his head into the pillow as his mouth pressed over Harry’s roughly, but his lips were pulling, sucking gently at Harry’s mouth.  The kiss was both gentle and demanding, and Harry thought he might faint from an overload of sensation.

He clenched his fists into the bedclothes to keep from wrapping them into Malfoy’s hair and pulling him into a kiss from which he would never escape.  Malfoy’s tongue slipped languidly over Harry’s lips, sending shockwaves of desire pounding through Harry’s blood.  Malfoy nibbled Harry’s lower lip, bit it slightly, and drew back.  Harry tried to focus.

“Remember now?” Malfoy asked in a voice that rolled over Harry like a warm blanket.

“No,” Harry admitted miserably.

“Were you lying when you said you were in love with me?” Malfoy asked.  His eyes were silver pools Harry wanted to dive into.  He could not look away, even though he reddened in mortification.

“No,” he said softly.

Malfoy grinned wickedly.  Harry spoke, even though his throat had gone as dry as the Sahara.  “So, after I kissed you, you hexed me into oblivion?”

“No.  After you kissed me, I did this,” Malfoy said and leaned in to capture Harry’s lips again.  Harry made a sound of astonishment that came out as a highly undignified squeak, but the shock lasted only as long as it took Harry to raise his arms and wrap them around Malfoy’s neck.

A stern throat-clearing noise came to Harry and he whimpered in disappointment as Malfoy slowly detached from Harry’s clinging grip.  Harry managed to let go, even though the urge to wrap himself around the Slytherin permanently was strong.

Hermione stood in the doorway with her arms crossed.

“It’s about time, but maybe you two can pick a less public place to snog?  How’s your head, Harry?”

“Erm, still Obliviated, apparently, but I feel fine.  Who hit me with that spell, anyway?  I still can’t remember anything.”

Hermione quirked a brow at him.  “What spell?  You ran to catch the bottle and tripped on that foul pig’s heart.  Slammed your head straight into a stone bench and knocked yourself cold.  Malfoy brought you here while I took your class back to Hogwarts.”

Harry glared at Malfoy.  “I was never hit with a Confundus?”

“No,” said Hermione, sounding curious.

“And I never kissed Malfoy and professed my undying love?” Harry demanded.  His voice was going strident.  Hermione giggled.

“Certainly not!  You were too severely in denial for that.  Er… what changed?”

Harry’s eyes were fixed on Malfoy, who grinned at him wickedly.

“Well, it should have happened that way,” Malfoy said and shrugged.  He brushed a hand over Harry’s forehead before sliding it down to cup his jaw.  “I’ll be at your place in an hour, Potter.  Don’t be late.”

With that, Malfoy went to the door and out.

“Oh, how sweet,” Hermione squealed, holding the card from the bouquet.  “Malfoy sent you white roses.  So cute!  What’s in the box?”

Harry ignored her and snatched at his medical chart.  Under TREATMENT, Malfoy had written: Shag Draco Malfoy six times daily.
Related content
Comments: 49

Ashng8 [2013-02-18 03:49:38 +0000 UTC]

all of your story's are so different from any that i have read before. Its quite refreshing, keep up the good work.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

satg [2011-08-24 17:39:59 +0000 UTC]

That was hilarious!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

erinxevolution [2009-10-22 05:21:01 +0000 UTC]

hahaha
absolutley beautiful!!
and might i add that that is possibly the BEST treatment ever
i wouldn't ming shagging malfoy six times a day

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

laineyue [2008-10-12 11:36:50 +0000 UTC]

whoa i love that treatment on the chart X3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

HatrasLover [2008-09-13 22:48:43 +0000 UTC]

I have officially decided that you have the best endings ever!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to HatrasLover [2008-09-15 18:51:29 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! I work hard to make them coherent.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Tamaya-chan [2008-08-15 20:07:11 +0000 UTC]

You, my dear, deserve a truckload of cookies for writing this. <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ButterflyLion [2008-08-08 20:29:17 +0000 UTC]

*giggles hysterically*

God Julian Zabini sounds like an arsehole ¬¬.

LOL Malfoy is so damn sexy! And absolutely hilarious!

TREATMENT:
Shag Draco Malfoy six times daily.

ROFL.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to ButterflyLion [2008-08-25 17:55:35 +0000 UTC]

HAHA! I have a total blast torturing the Zabinis. Although I really liked Bleys in my Penitence fic. I should post that here...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

RockGirl13 [2008-03-11 23:10:32 +0000 UTC]

Can't wars just be lovely!? Well these are! You are amazing i would no doubt bomb something like this to no end!!!! When will there be like LOPW ll? That would be friggin sweet!!! OH yeah love it love you write more!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to RockGirl13 [2008-03-13 18:01:14 +0000 UTC]

That damned school that Lilith goes to is forcing her to write ESSAYS and horrifying things like that instead of ficcage. It's really quite annoying.

On the other hand, my "fics to write" list is up to 20 now, so I'm more than busy enough...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

RockGirl13 In reply to dysonrules [2008-03-14 01:06:21 +0000 UTC]

I can totally relate to her, i just had three hours of math, english, science and utah studies. And holy shiz i'd go insane if i had that many fics i had to write!!! That just goes to show how much more amazing you are tha i am...*sigh*
Oh well i'll still read every single thing of yours!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

drkangelcat [2007-11-27 05:26:38 +0000 UTC]

haha thats the kind of medical treatment i would like XD

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

lionesspuma [2007-09-07 20:53:51 +0000 UTC]

oh my god so wrong on the foursome idea.

I just love the lieing git.

purrrrrrr

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Galagox [2007-09-04 22:37:15 +0000 UTC]

Damn lieing ... The way it was SUPPOSE to happen, give me a break. Though he is smart, even if he lies through his pearly whites. It was cute, in the end though, and Hermione just shrugs it off (Ha Ha!). And when I said two couple relationships, I ment two people in a relationship! guy girl, guy guy, girl girl, dos, two, 1 plus1. do you understand (please say yes). I'm afraid that if you do a foursome my brused morals will be beyond repair if I read it. And I will, I love you stories. Two people in ONE relationship. Just as a after thought, who would be the fourth person, Nevill? Jenny? RON! Oh no, you have perverted my mind so.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to Galagox [2007-09-05 20:01:53 +0000 UTC]

Erm... no I've had this really wicked idea for quite some time... about the foursome. Because, you know I have to do something twisted every once in awhile, just to stay in practice...

Harry, Draco, and the Weasley twins. Foursome. Yes, I have a reserved cell in hell, lol!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ara-denae In reply to dysonrules [2008-03-29 20:44:28 +0000 UTC]

damn, that sounds hilarious! you've got to write it!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

SailorViviana [2007-08-24 02:54:24 +0000 UTC]

omg the playful Malfoy is so damn sexy. I love this one ^_^ Great Job!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to SailorViviana [2007-08-24 19:47:27 +0000 UTC]

Me too! I love it when he's a sneaky bastard. So cute!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

dorkanese [2007-08-17 22:38:25 +0000 UTC]

Yaaaaaaaaaay!
Lurve it. Loved the random little twist.
MORE!
I demand it, more!
:waits for Round II:

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to dorkanese [2007-08-20 18:09:30 +0000 UTC]

I have thought up so many twisty evil phrases Lilith will be sorry she ever mentioned "phrase war" lol!

Only problem is, she's on holiday thinking of her own...

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ddrfreak-2008 [2007-08-16 21:46:27 +0000 UTC]

I love the ending.... HILARIOUS!! ^_^

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to ddrfreak-2008 [2007-08-17 18:06:04 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! Heh!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

ayaerhis [2007-08-16 16:49:20 +0000 UTC]

Whai~~!!!! That's hilarious, especially the ending with the whole 'TREATMENT' thingy.

However, describe the Smarties candies, because I know them to be these thick little wafery things and you say they have chocolate, which I've never heard of before. This is just me being curious, by the way, no protest at all.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to ayaerhis [2007-08-17 18:05:55 +0000 UTC]

Smarties don't translate from the UK to US very well. Here they are compressed sugar tablets, but in Britain they are like M&Ms, but prettier.

So... chocolate!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

ayaerhis In reply to dysonrules [2007-08-17 20:53:09 +0000 UTC]

Oh.... Okay!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Morbid-penugin [2007-08-16 11:51:55 +0000 UTC]

Absoluty awesome XD
i'll miss the prompt war it was all so entertaining
i loved it as i do all your work

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to Morbid-penugin [2007-08-16 15:48:29 +0000 UTC]

Don't worry, more prompt war coming, lol! She'll be on holiday for two weeks, and then Phrase War begins.

I bloody well need to be done with Escorts Five by then!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

TokyoTerror101 [2007-08-16 11:36:14 +0000 UTC]

OMG this chapter is well amazing! made me laugh and proper smile lmfao <333

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to TokyoTerror101 [2007-08-16 15:47:51 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much! It was one of my favs, and oddly I cranked it out in about 30 minutes, lol!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

TokyoTerror101 In reply to dysonrules [2007-08-16 19:39:54 +0000 UTC]

Maybe the ideas were just spilling out of you

Ever so Slytherin... << hehe <3

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

lilspazogurl [2007-08-16 07:11:42 +0000 UTC]

i must say i love this sotry alot favs

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to lilspazogurl [2007-08-16 15:46:32 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! Squee!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Romancing-the-Broken [2007-08-16 02:20:23 +0000 UTC]

It's always the goody-goody that knows what's going on... Great work dysonrules. *bows*

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to Romancing-the-Broken [2007-08-16 15:46:22 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, thank you! Hermione knows everything.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Tohru80 [2007-08-16 00:55:02 +0000 UTC]

woohoo! congrats on your victory! very well deserved.
was reading the comments.....yes yes please please please give us the back story! gots to know the nicknames! lol
hehehehe i love the treatment order. six times daily. how wonderful!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to Tohru80 [2007-08-16 15:46:08 +0000 UTC]

Ohhh, that would be a nice little UST story, since Harry is in denial...

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Tohru80 In reply to dysonrules [2007-08-16 15:50:18 +0000 UTC]

what would be a nice little UST story?
what is UST?
*blushes* i feel dumb now.......
*grin* oh well. at least i get to learn something new.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

thebadkitty [2007-08-15 20:47:13 +0000 UTC]

I love it! The ending was so funny. And sweet. I got the feeling that there was a lot of back story I missed, but that didn't take away from the scenario at all.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to thebadkitty [2007-08-15 21:38:20 +0000 UTC]

Yes, tons of backstory on this one. So much so that I might have to write another just to explain how Draco and Hermione work together... and what they call each other, lol!

The nicknames never made it into this story.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

bored137654 [2007-08-15 20:15:13 +0000 UTC]

no one stands a chance against you
I love this story... (as always )

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to bored137654 [2007-08-15 21:37:34 +0000 UTC]

Woo! Can't wait till the next war.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

bored137654 In reply to dysonrules [2007-08-15 21:49:14 +0000 UTC]

what's that one about?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

deathbysnoosnoo [2007-08-15 19:38:35 +0000 UTC]

that was bloody brilliant!! your status as winner is very well deserved after that one

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to deathbysnoosnoo [2007-08-15 21:37:21 +0000 UTC]

Thank you so much!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Dovana [2007-08-15 19:11:16 +0000 UTC]

I think this was your best one yet.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to Dovana [2007-08-15 21:37:10 +0000 UTC]

Thanks! I liked Verandas, but I'm a romantic sap.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

BAn--nIE [2007-08-15 18:17:19 +0000 UTC]

Hahaha!!! And da victory ish yours!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

dysonrules In reply to BAn--nIE [2007-08-15 21:36:51 +0000 UTC]

Thank you, it feels good, lol!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0