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Published: 2006-08-28 21:50:28 +0000 UTC; Views: 341; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 1
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Description
I feel it before i enter, as i get my drinking ticket.My chest quivering with the merciless beat, as if the unflagging city seeks to impose her exausting tempo on my heart rate, i know tonight's redemption will be tomorrow's guilt.
It's a small price to pay to share my crowded solitude.
Countless strobe-lights invade my mind, flashes and hands in the air, a wave of soaked throbbing bodies follow the music with their delirious dance.
Drops of sweat scatter with every rave, adorning half-closed eyes, half-open lips and breasts bobbing fast, arms and hair extend to all directions, with the second removed rashly from foreheads and the first wrapping around half-naked female bodies, commencing smooth caressing moves.
Every note is a cell in this sea of humid skin, every move pushes you deeper in it's core. Words like "Control" and "Responsibility" sound absurd in the frenzying beat.
I'll just dream with my eyes closed, driven into your arms, like when a star falls and you make a wish, without really knowing its identity...
Each sway frees our bodies from the bonds of logic, breaking out without limitations and shame, as they get thrown about mercilessly in the rythm and melt under the lights, furious in the crows' anonymity, that fill my soul with black feathers from their clothes.
Letting them know eachother better, hidden from indiscreet eyes, the one within the other, searching the limits of desire, pain and lust and setting them anew, without boundaries or hesitation.
And then sinking again in the all-forgiving pulsing mass, prey of the music that goes on, not caring wether it feeds your need to escape or wears you out.
There's no need for guilt tonight; to dance is to renounce your name.
Tomorrow i'll wish again, or even remember...
But i won't be I ever again...
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Comments: 20
AnotherJuliette [2006-09-19 13:01:49 +0000 UTC]
Egw to apex8anomai auto to sunais8hma/ais8hsh ths nuxterinhs zwhs [to opoio kataferneis na metafereis nomizw arketa kala ston anagnwsth], me kanei na noiw8w apelpistika mataih kai apelpistika monh, ais8hsh kai pisth pou pisteuw pws einai ka8ara apotelesma tou sugxronou tropou zwhs, kai oxi alh8eia. Dhladh den pisteuw pws h elleiyh epikoinwnias einai kati dedomeno, pisteuw sthn epikoinwnia, ston an8rwpo, sthn prospa8eia, pisteuw pws an kanoume ton kopo kai 3efugoume apo ola auta ta koutakia epikoinwnoume sxedon oloi me olous mia xara, kai fusika kapoioi me kapoious akoma ba8utera kai kalutera, kai paei legontas. Oloi an8rwpoi eimaste. Diaforetikoi, nai, alla kai toso omoioi...
Einai arketa kalogrammeno, h deuterh strofh, sugkekrimena, me entupwsiase. Epishs, h paromoiwsh me to peftasteri sthn trith strofh einai endiaferousa, omorfh, kai prwtotuph se auto to context.
La8akia:
Sthn tetarth strofh 8a elega pws den xreiazetai komma meta to 'anonymity' - a, kai to 'each other' einai duo le3eis, oxi mia, kai to 'weather' grafetai me ena a meta to e, san ton kairo. Epishs nomizw pws suntassetai 'weather this or weather that' kai oxi 'weather this or that' alla den eimai ka8olou bebaih, apla exw auth thn ais8hsh. Tha to tsekarw.
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Ebonessa In reply to AnotherJuliette [2006-09-20 17:47:16 +0000 UTC]
Thank you for your creative comments. I really enjoyed reading through the lines and discerning that you *really* liked the poem!
On to the corrections:
To wether opws kai i sundaksi tou einai swsti.
To comma meta to anonymity exeis dikio oti einai kapws peritto alla epeidi tha evgaine polu megali protasi eipa na to prostehsw.
Kai nai, to each other pragmati einai 2 lekseis
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AnotherJuliette In reply to Ebonessa [2006-09-21 20:57:32 +0000 UTC]
[link]
Τελικά κάναμε λάθος και οι δύο.
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Ebonessa In reply to AnotherJuliette [2006-09-22 12:06:38 +0000 UTC]
Pw pw kala na pathw pou rwtaga asxetous! Advanced Oxford Dictionary apo edw kai embros!
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AnotherJuliette In reply to Ebonessa [2006-09-23 14:39:05 +0000 UTC]
Ή απλώς καλά λεξικά στο internet.
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rocknsane [2006-09-18 08:42:53 +0000 UTC]
but i wont be I ever again...i felt like this before...amazing piece!!
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Sombermuse [2006-09-03 02:52:55 +0000 UTC]
sweet textured writing that grabs the reader by the throat.... beautifully well done dear!
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Sombermuse In reply to Ebonessa [2006-09-06 18:28:47 +0000 UTC]
Vielen Dank mein schöner Freund, teehee
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Rikochet [2006-08-31 19:02:51 +0000 UTC]
Κοίτα να δεις που εδώ δεν έχω να κάνω constructive κριτική...
Χμ. Επίτηδες το έκανες, για να μην μπορώ να σε ψέξω. Άσε που δεν είμαι σε ψείρα-mode απόψε.
Και... δεν είμαι σίγουρος αν μπορώ να είμαι αντικειμενικός με αυτό εδώ το διαμαντάκι...
It's almost liquid. Like a sirrup that runs down a face, lips, enters the mouth, is warm almost too much, then...
...then the mouth swallows, and the receiver, even for a few minutes, feels liquid himself, the whole world a haze, his thoughts transformed instantly.
Ναι... κάτι τέτοιο.
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life-persists [2006-08-29 14:50:39 +0000 UTC]
apexto k pali..oi eikones exun polloi xroma k polli kinisi...
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Mortuelle [2006-08-29 06:25:05 +0000 UTC]
oneirika methustiko...
...wish i was there for a while too!
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Ebonessa In reply to Mortuelle [2006-08-30 15:51:34 +0000 UTC]
Thank you sweetie!
An kai den polupigainw se club, panda ithela na ftiaksw ena poiima me tin aisthisi tous...
Strimwgmeni eleftheria!
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gelal [2006-08-29 00:23:38 +0000 UTC]
Reminds me of a club in Boston called "The Cell". The "stamp" was an imates bracelet.
Anyway, I really like this one. Favs for sure.
I can fully realize staring at you across roughly 300 people on the dance floor.
Yeah, I love inspiration.
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Nihilio [2006-08-28 22:53:35 +0000 UTC]
Nice fluid descriptions of a night out. And a crowd turned... crow
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Ebonessa In reply to Nihilio [2006-08-30 15:49:18 +0000 UTC]
LOL to eida to lathos alla... andi na valw ena d, prosthesa mia eikona!
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Deligaris [2006-08-28 22:15:18 +0000 UTC]
Very nice depictions as always, it's like I'm there, dancing, feeling...
I really liked the clever use of the "i".
Well done again!
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Ebonessa In reply to Deligaris [2006-08-28 22:17:53 +0000 UTC]
...For a digital manipulator, you sure understand a lot about poetry!
Thank you a lot my sweet!
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Egir [2006-08-28 21:55:13 +0000 UTC]
Very descriptive... Nice use of words, rich and stylish. Loved the ending!!!
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