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Description
‘No legend. No story. We simply are because we are. As long as the job has existed, someone’s had to do it. Not once have we ever questioned – because we know we are needed.’ A pause. Patient silence. ‘Our purposes… we fulfil them entirely – regardless of whether or not they were forced upon us.’
A raised eyebrow, the ghost of a smile on pale lips: ‘We were not forced, Angus Waffen. None of us were. You make our existence sound like a curse.’
Waffen’s lip curled, he didn’t like this man, not one bit, irrespective of them having the same sacred occupation. ‘Well, it sort of is.’ He muttered stubbornly.
‘Perhaps,’ the man murmured, sitting back in his chair, his grey eyes moving languidly over the occupants of the café. When he returned his eyes to Waffen they caught the light, flashed iridescent silver, shone out a hint of warning. Waffen’s waxen, yellow eyes locked on the silver and never wavered, he would not be intimidated. ‘You certainly make no show of this being a curse for you.’
Now Waffen smiled, sickeningly sweet, and slid his glasses up the narrow bridge of his nose. ‘And why would I? I wasn’t half as appealing or powerful when I was human.’
‘And yet you still retain such a human perspective.’ The man tilted his head, stilted his words, drove in the insult.
‘And what about you?’ Waffen snapped, turning his coffee cup around in its saucer with his finger. ‘You’re no angel, Balance, I’m sure,’ a moment’s consideration, he lowered his voice seductively, ‘despite appearances.’
‘I was never human. And do not say my name. I go by Erich Auwers, or Karma. Take your pick.’
‘Never human?’ Waffen repeated, unphased. ‘But what about your accent, your first alias, your appropriately Aryan features…?’
‘There is a Germany in the First World, too.’
‘Does it have the same history? Because if so you’ll know that I, being English, am inherently wary of Germans.’ Waffen offered nastily.
‘For an Englishman you have a very unfortunate name, Waffen – but that is beside the point.’
‘Quite.’ Waffen was done with civility; the smile had vanished from his face. ‘Why did you arrange to meet me here, Karma? If you feel it necessary to provoke me, I in turn feel it necessary to warn you that I have no regard for our rules –’
‘Nor do I.’ Karma spoke with a new tone, colder than Waffen could have ever predicted. ‘And that is why I wanted to meet you. I want to tell you about a little operation I’m running, entirely against the rules, I promise, and well suited to a Member like you… who is bored. There is precious little for us to do these days, so we need a way to pass the time. Time being the operative word, here,’ he added darkly, leaning in closer across the table, a few strands of his lank blonde hair drifting out across his gaunt face.
Unable to resist, Waffen said begrudgingly: ‘Go on.’
Karma smiled, and it never touched his eyes. ‘Do you know why the First World is the First World?’ he whispered.
‘It’s where time begins.’ Waffen answered automatically.
‘Oh, you’ve met her?’ Karma said, a little put out.
‘Who?’
‘Time.’
Waffen hesitated, his fingers finally sinking away from his coffee cup. ‘Time… is…’
‘One of us. She’s the first of us.’
‘But – what about Death?’
Karma chuckled, surprised. ‘You are young, aren’t you? Death cannot exist without Time. And you mustn’t have met him either, because I assure he prefers being called Michael –’
‘I have met him! How do you think I got this job?’
‘Hm,’ Karma took a considerate drag on his cigarette. ‘He’s getting sloppier with who he picks these days.’
‘I’ve had enough.’ Waffen huffed, grating back his chair as he stood and buttoning up his jacket.
‘Wait, look,’ Karma said disinterestedly, his gloved hand reaching into his pocket and emerging palm up, something brilliant and faceted glittered there against the dark leather.
Waffen’s hands fell limply to his sides, and he sat back down heavily, his eyes never moving from the illustrious item in Karma’s hand. ‘That’s… that’s the Koh-I-Noor!’ he breathed.
‘You know your diamonds, indeed it is. Right from your Queen’s brow.’
‘How did you get it?’ Waffen cast a desperate glance around at the other tables, making sure no one was paying attention to them. Obligingly, Karma closed his fingers around the diamond, and opened his other hand, revealing a small, unmarked, silver sphere.
‘This is how I got it.’
Waffen gazed blankly at the sphere, and almost wished he had left. ‘What?’ he said impatiently.
‘You were wrong when you said the First World is the First World because it’s where time begins. In actual fact, Time simply lives there, in an overpriced apartment with a cat named Juno, which she chose over me and my allergies and that’s why we broke up,’ Karma’s smile continued to widen the longer Waffen’s face remained so nonplussed. ‘The truth about the First World is that it isn’t actually the “first” world at all, rather it just invented time travel first and copyrighted it. Now no one has the means of locating the real first world, except Time, but she doesn’t care about that sort of thing.’
Waffen tried to understand, he really did, but his mind was still on the diamond. ‘And… what does any of that have to do with the fact you’re holding this world’s most famous diamond in one hand and some ominous, silver thing in the other?’
Karma held the diamond up between his forefinger and thumb. ‘This is not the real Koh-I-Noor, rather the best kind of fake you can get in all the worlds. And this?’ he raised the sphere. ‘This is a portable device that allows for time travel. It’s programmed to be used in approximately an hour, and it will take me to 1850, when the real Koh-I-Noor was about to be presented to Queen Victoria. I will steal it, replace it with this fake. There was much less security in the nineteenth century.’
He pocketed both items, stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray in front of him, and grinned. ‘You can come, if you like. I could use someone who can control the weather, and who has a healthy interest in the huge amount of money he could make from selling such stone in our present day.’
Waffen swallowed his excitement, and said warily: ‘How did you come by that device?’
‘I stole it from my ex.’
‘And will she be angry when she finds out?’
‘Hopefully.’
Waffen shut his eyes, and drew a very deep breath. ‘All this just because you’ve grown tired of the incredible amount of power we have and, if it’s not wrong of me to assume, you have a grudge against Time, who is… your ex-girlfriend?’ he didn’t suppose he’d ever had a reason to sound so incredulous in his entire life – and he was a lot older than he looked.
‘Ja.’ Karma said simply, nodding.
Waffen stared. ‘You’re mad.’ He sneered softly.
Karma gave a thoughtful shrug. ‘Probably.’
And then Waffen’s smile returned – his true smile, very dissimilar to the charming fake he’d plastered across his mouth earlier. His lips arched up at the ends, revealing canines that were slightly longer than the average. A truly chilling leer.
‘Lovely.’ He purred. ‘Where do I sign up?’

Description
‘No legend. No story. We simply are because we are. As long as the job has existed, someone’s had to do it. Not once have we ever questioned – because we know we are needed.’ A pause. Patient silence. ‘Our purposes… we fulfil them entirely – regardless of whether or not they were forced upon us.’
A raised eyebrow, the ghost of a smile on pale lips: ‘We were not forced, Angus Waffen. None of us were. You make our existence sound like a curse.’
Waffen’s lip curled, he didn’t like this man, not one bit, irrespective of them having the same sacred occupation. ‘Well, it sort of is.’ He muttered stubbornly.
‘Perhaps,’ the man murmured, sitting back in his chair, his grey eyes moving languidly over the occupants of the café. When he returned his eyes to Waffen they caught the light, flashed iridescent silver, shone out a hint of warning. Waffen’s waxen, yellow eyes locked on the silver and never wavered, he would not be intimidated. ‘You certainly make no show of this being a curse for you.’
Now Waffen smiled, sickeningly sweet, and slid his glasses up the narrow bridge of his nose. ‘And why would I? I wasn’t half as appealing or powerful when I was human.’
‘And yet you still retain such a human perspective.’ The man tilted his head, stilted his words, drove in the insult.
‘And what about you?’ Waffen snapped, turning his coffee cup around in its saucer with his finger. ‘You’re no angel, Balance, I’m sure,’ a moment’s consideration, he lowered his voice seductively, ‘despite appearances.’
‘I was never human. And do not say my name. I go by Erich Auwers, or Karma. Take your pick.’
‘Never human?’ Waffen repeated, unphased. ‘But what about your accent, your first alias, your appropriately Aryan features…?’
‘There is a Germany in the First World, too.’
‘Does it have the same history? Because if so you’ll know that I, being English, am inherently wary of Germans.’ Waffen offered nastily.
‘For an Englishman you have a very unfortunate name, Waffen – but that is beside the point.’
‘Quite.’ Waffen was done with civility; the smile had vanished from his face. ‘Why did you arrange to meet me here, Karma? If you feel it necessary to provoke me, I in turn feel it necessary to warn you that I have no regard for our rules –’
‘Nor do I.’ Karma spoke with a new tone, colder than Waffen could have ever predicted. ‘And that is why I wanted to meet you. I want to tell you about a little operation I’m running, entirely against the rules, I promise, and well suited to a Member like you… who is bored. There is precious little for us to do these days, so we need a way to pass the time. Time being the operative word, here,’ he added darkly, leaning in closer across the table, a few strands of his lank blonde hair drifting out across his gaunt face.
Unable to resist, Waffen said begrudgingly: ‘Go on.’
Karma smiled, and it never touched his eyes. ‘Do you know why the First World is the First World?’ he whispered.
‘It’s where time begins.’ Waffen answered automatically.
‘Oh, you’ve met her?’ Karma said, a little put out.
‘Who?’
‘Time.’
Waffen hesitated, his fingers finally sinking away from his coffee cup. ‘Time… is…’
‘One of us. She’s the first of us.’
‘But – what about Death?’
Karma chuckled, surprised. ‘You are young, aren’t you? Death cannot exist without Time. And you mustn’t have met him either, because I assure he prefers being called Michael –’
‘I have met him! How do you think I got this job?’
‘Hm,’ Karma took a considerate drag on his cigarette. ‘He’s getting sloppier with who he picks these days.’
‘I’ve had enough.’ Waffen huffed, grating back his chair as he stood and buttoning up his jacket.
‘Wait, look,’ Karma said disinterestedly, his gloved hand reaching into his pocket and emerging palm up, something brilliant and faceted glittered there against the dark leather.
Waffen’s hands fell limply to his sides, and he sat back down heavily, his eyes never moving from the illustrious item in Karma’s hand. ‘That’s… that’s the Koh-I-Noor!’ he breathed.
‘You know your diamonds, indeed it is. Right from your Queen’s brow.’
‘How did you get it?’ Waffen cast a desperate glance around at the other tables, making sure no one was paying attention to them. Obligingly, Karma closed his fingers around the diamond, and opened his other hand, revealing a small, unmarked, silver sphere.
‘This is how I got it.’
Waffen gazed blankly at the sphere, and almost wished he had left. ‘What?’ he said impatiently.
‘You were wrong when you said the First World is the First World because it’s where time begins. In actual fact, Time simply lives there, in an overpriced apartment with a cat named Juno, which she chose over me and my allergies and that’s why we broke up,’ Karma’s smile continued to widen the longer Waffen’s face remained so nonplussed. ‘The truth about the First World is that it isn’t actually the “first” world at all, rather it just invented time travel first and copyrighted it. Now no one has the means of locating the real first world, except Time, but she doesn’t care about that sort of thing.’
Waffen tried to understand, he really did, but his mind was still on the diamond. ‘And… what does any of that have to do with the fact you’re holding this world’s most famous diamond in one hand and some ominous, silver thing in the other?’
Karma held the diamond up between his forefinger and thumb. ‘This is not the real Koh-I-Noor, rather the best kind of fake you can get in all the worlds. And this?’ he raised the sphere. ‘This is a portable device that allows for time travel. It’s programmed to be used in approximately an hour, and it will take me to 1850, when the real Koh-I-Noor was about to be presented to Queen Victoria. I will steal it, replace it with this fake. There was much less security in the nineteenth century.’
He pocketed both items, stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray in front of him, and grinned. ‘You can come, if you like. I could use someone who can control the weather, and who has a healthy interest in the huge amount of money he could make from selling such stone in our present day.’
Waffen swallowed his excitement, and said warily: ‘How did you come by that device?’
‘I stole it from my ex.’
‘And will she be angry when she finds out?’
‘Hopefully.’
Waffen shut his eyes, and drew a very deep breath. ‘All this just because you’ve grown tired of the incredible amount of power we have and, if it’s not wrong of me to assume, you have a grudge against Time, who is… your ex-girlfriend?’ he didn’t suppose he’d ever had a reason to sound so incredulous in his entire life – and he was a lot older than he looked.
‘Ja.’ Karma said simply, nodding.
Waffen stared. ‘You’re mad.’ He sneered softly.
Karma gave a thoughtful shrug. ‘Probably.’
And then Waffen’s smile returned – his true smile, very dissimilar to the charming fake he’d plastered across his mouth earlier. His lips arched up at the ends, revealing canines that were slightly longer than the average. A truly chilling leer.
‘Lovely.’ He purred. ‘Where do I sign up?’