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Description
Title: The Cuddle Monster (Pro-cest July comp entry)
Rating: R
Pairing: Raph/Leo
Theme: Caught in the Act!

The Cuddle Monster

  "You're an obnoxious little shit, y'know that, right Mike?"

  "Dude, all I'm saying is, it's mine and Donny's date night so you and Leo should have one too!"

  Me and Leo don't do dates. We have never done dates. We are manly, aggressive turtles with large dicks. And manly, aggressive turtles with large dicks don't have date nights. We don't need them. We don't need specific nights spent watching lame movies and going for moonlit strolls in the freaking park to strengthen what we have. Don't get me wrong. I love spending time with him, and I never thought I'd hear myself say that. But if we're together for too long, the affection and passion sort of morphs into irritation and anger on both parts.

  That's just how we roll and there's no use pretending otherwise. I love the guy, but he drives me up the fucking wall. Most of the time, I love his determination, his inability to give in no matter what. But then it turns into this unbelievable stubborn streak and he'll refuse to back down until I've accepted his point or beaten him up. His unwavering loyalty will eventually turn to never-ending nagging. His dedication to training impresses me, until it becomes obsessive and intrusive and he refuses to stop until something is "just right". His constant attention to detail is endearing until it becomes a pointless quest for perfection.

  No doubt he says the same sort of shit about me. We argue a damn lot. We have the same goals, the same hopes and dreams. It's just that we like to go about them in different ways. There's a lotta "honor" and "Bushido" in what he does. It's just bullshit to me. At the end of the day, we're mistakes. Our mutation was a fortunate accident, and there'll be no more after us. I've accepted that, which is why I live every freaking day as if I've got nothing to lose. I have to, otherwise I'd just go insane. Leo? Everything he does has a higher purpose. He never does anything "just because". He believes in the after-life. In resurrection. In a spiritual guidance. We'll eventually be rewarded for all the shit we've gone through in this life. Sorry to rain on your parade bro, but it ain't gonna happen.

  Our relationship ain't healthy, I admit that. But I treasure it too much to let it go. We don't have much for ourselves down here, but one thing is constant. We got each other. And sharing this shit with Leo and the others makes it a whole damn lot easier to bear. So I do what I do and I don't give a flying fuck about the consequences. You can't live each day worrying about the what if's, and that's what I've tried telling him. Whether he chooses to listen or not is another matter. I love him just the way he is, I ain't gonna try and change him. I wouldn't change for him, so I don't expect him to do the same for me.

  So if I don't wanna do date nights, I sure as shell ain't doing them. Let Don and Mikey participate in their little human novelty if that's what they enjoy. I ain't gonna ruin that for them if that's what they want. We don't stick our beaks into the other couple's business. That's just how it is around here. Although Mike's pretty much open about everything anyway. And Don likes to chip in with some sarcastic quips every now and again. But on the whole we live and let live. I don't want the ins and outs of their relationship, and I'm damn sure they don't want mine and Leo's either.

  "Me an' Leo don't do dates," I supplied needlessly, flicking through the channels listlessly.

  "Aw! C'mon Raph! You might actually like them!" Mike whined, practically bouncing in his seat.

  "He has a point Raph. Dates are fun. They give you a chance to enjoy one another's company outside of an everyday environment. Maybe that's yours and Leo's problem," Donnie suggested cheerfully, shrugging into his coat.

  "Me an' Leo don't have a problem," I grumbled, glaring at the dancing screen.

  We all knew it was bullshit. We have an almighty fucking problem. If Leo and I are gonna spend the rest of our lives together we really need to work on our ability to spend more than a few hours together without ripping one another's heads off. It's not so bad now when I can storm off topside to bash some heads with Casey, but I won't always be able to do that. Nah, this needs sorting now, before we end up doing some serious damage. And it'll happen too. One of us will go too far, throw a blade instead of a punch, say something hurtful we didn't mean. Don't wanna destroy what we have.

  "Just try it. You might be surprised. And you never know," Don leaned forwards, resting his elbows on the top of the couch between us. He gave me the most lecherous smirk I've ever seen. "He might make it worth your while,"

  I just scoffed and told him where to stick it. Don does nothing but piss me off when he's in one of those moods. I never want to punch someone more than when he's pulling that troll face. All smirks and waggling brows. Most people would be like "Don and Mike are together? Are you sure?" I'm fucking sure alright. They're as bad as each other. If it's not Mikey with his stupid pranks, it's Donnie with his nerdy sexual innuendos. A headache, the pair of them. Although, gotta admit, it freaks Fearless out no end if I join in and we gang up on him.

  Chortling deviously, they both wished me goodnight and left the lair hand in hand. Off to get Thai food and eat it by the bay. Have to admit that does sound kinda nice. Can't see Leo wanting to do that though. If he doesn't die of a nervous breakdown purchasing the food, he certainly would when it came to eating it out in the open by the river. Guy needs to seriously just chill the fuck out sometimes. I swear half the time that's the reason we argue. He's so wound up he just can't let the little things go.

  I stared at the TV, turning the remote over in my hands. Maybe this date thing isn't such a bad idea after all. I mean, for starters, it certainly beats endless Friends reruns. Secondly, it'd be nice to actually have a little alone time for once. And thirdly, it might actually get him to relax a little. It's worth a shot anyway, it's not like we'd have anything to lose. If we didn't give it a go, I'd only end up slobbing out in front of the box and he'd spend all night meditating or some shit.

  I switched the television off and got to my feet. God knows what we'd do though. Although to be fair, I'm pretty much up for anything. I checked the kitchen and the dojo first. I figured he'd either be making yet more tea or practicing katas or some shit. Surprisingly enough though, he wasn't there. Instead I found him in his bedroom, spread out on his front on his bed with a book open on his pillow. That in itself made me smile. He always holds himself with such careful grace, that it's weird to see him sprawled out like any normal person.

  "Hey," He looked over and smiled at me, pulling off headphones and folding the page in his book.

  I ignored the gentle slope of his shoulder blades as he supported himself on his forearms. I ignored the lithe muscles of his throat that pronounced themselves as he turned his head. It was a shell of a lot harder though to ignore the curve of his ass and the flick of his tail. I know it sounds immensely cheesy, but I would never grow tired of looking at him. Every day I find something I missed before, a faded scar, a rough nick in the scutes of his plastron. Could easily spend hours doing it. But, you know, it would make me a creeper so. Yeah.

  "What're you listenin' to?" I asked curiously, lowering myself to sit next to him.

  "Nothing," He replied off-handedly, instantly rolling and sitting up properly, effectively pulling himself and his headphones out of my reach.

  I grinned, reaching over to grab his iPod instead. Sneak had something to hide. I glanced at the minute screen and started laughing heartily. He blushed considerably and snatched it back, turning it off to avoid my eyes. The heat colored his cheeks with an interesting red tinge, a sight both amusing and tempting. It isn't often I get to see Leo blush. There's a constant battle between us. We're both striving to assert our dominance, physically, sexually. Only time I usually get to see him flush is when I've temporarily won the fight and he's writhing beneath me in intense pleasure. Fuck I love those moments.

  "Honestly Leo, if ya want us t'stop callin' you an emo, stop livin' up to the stereotype," I chuckled. He seemed to recover quickly from his embarrassment.

  "Yeah, yeah," He waved my comment off amicably, setting the device aside on the crate next to his bed. "Don and Mikey on their date?"

  "Yeah. They've gone for Thai food. Wanna do somethin'?" I wondered, a careless lilt to my voice. Hey, if he didn't want to, no big deal.

  "You mean as in do something other than argue or have sex?" He raised a brow, a sarcastic smile pulling at his mouth. I refused to be baited for once.

  "Pretty much," I shrugged, grinning.

  He laughed and leaned forward to give me a kiss, which I obviously took to mean yes. Win. It soon turned from a sweet peck to something more heated, as it often does. He's right, there isn't much we do together other than fight and screw. It's as if we've been deprived for months and now he's mine for the taking. I guess it's just proof that he enjoys this as much as I do. God knows what would happen if it ended. I honestly don't think it ever will. Even if we went insane and decided to "break up", we'd always find ourselves drawn back to one another. It's inevitable.

  It wasn't long before we'd entwined ourselves together, sliding fingers and palms across smooth flesh, grinding plastron against plastron. We gasped and nipped and suckled, pulling the other closer, sinking deeper into a cloud of lust. He was all I could smell, a woody musk mingled with the herb-like and earthy scent of his tea. Heck, sex wasn't what I'd planned but I wasn't about to say no. It wasn't often we were able to let loose. It was usually quick, muffled fumbles in the dead of night. Any opportunity to fulfill our sexual desires without the chance of being overheard or without having to limit ourselves was snatched immediately.

  He pulled away from me, looking up into my face with eyes that shone like a well-polished blade.

  "Let's go watch a film," He suggested breathlessly.

  Damn. Almost forgot we were supposed to be having a date night of sorts. I was grateful though. Meant we could do stuff together and maybe have sex later, rather than have sex and then try to figure out something to do. I agreed pleasantly enough and knelt back to let him get up. We were both flustered, and I could feel the painful beginnings of a boner sneaking its way through my groin but I suffered through it and followed him to the living room.

  I continued to the kitchen to make popcorn and let him sift through our godly collection of DVDs. It was his idea in the first place, let him choose what we watch. I was actually looking forward to this. I never thought I'd look forward to learning more about my insufferable big brother, but I was. It'd be nice to just do something without thinking about sex or tearing him a new one. Hopefully he felt the same, otherwise this whole thing would just be pointless.

  I took the finished popcorn back to the couch, where he was waiting for me, face fixed on the opening credits to some action flick. I flopped down next to him, fully expecting him to turn towards me and cuddle up, as he mostly does after sex. I fought the urge to grunt in annoyance however, as his posture remained as rigid and as tense as ever. I shrugged my shoulders and resigned myself to the film. Maybe after a while he'd relax again.

  At least fifteen minutes passed and the guy hadn't moved. His face was still planted on the screen, his features a grim determination. It wasn't as if this damn film required any concentration either. I sighed and tenderly placed my hand on his thigh, a silent reassurance. I mean come on, why else would he be so uptight? This was just a silly date. No big deal. He flinched ever so slightly at my touch, a twitch, a tightening of the shoulders. It was so subtle anybody else would have missed it.

  He was really starting to worry me now. I scowled at the TV, foolishly expecting it to spill the answers to my problems. Instead all I got was some fake sex scene. What the fuck am I watching here? What made Fearless choose this of all things? I raised a handful of popcorn to my mouth, watching in boredom as the hero starting waving his aesthetically perfect cock around. Just at that moment, I felt Leo freeze underneath my hand, heard a sharp intake of breath.

  I looked over in confusion. His face was shell shocked, amber eyes widened slightly at what was happening before us. A heavy blush tainted his cheekbones, and he was clutching the soda so hard his knuckles were white.

  "Leo?" I ventured with a frown.

  I didn't think he was going to answer me. He barely even blinked, unable to tear his eyes away from the false foreplay on screen. The hero was all like "I'm going to fill your heart with my unending love." Pft. Jackass. Then Leo swallowed nervously, opening his mouth once, twice. Cleared his throat, tried again.

  "I...have a 'problem'," He replied shakily, hesitant voice catching in his throat.

  It took a second or two, but then it clicked and I smirked widely. Fearless had a boner!! The great, honorable Leonardo had a raging boner and here he was sitting through porn! I couldn't help it, I started laughing. Any normal person would have just been like "fuck the damn film!" and would have just screwed instead. But no, not my big brother. My big brother would much rather stay silent and just deal rather than ask for sex. You'd think his sex talk would be "I am honorable right now and need to fulfill my duty!". He turned to glare at me but it had no effect whatsoever. I leaned over to tug the soda from his clenched hands and put that and the popcorn on the floor.

  "Why didn't you just say?" I smirked, taking his face in my hands.

  He finally managed to tear his eyes from the screen to look at me, and a grin quirked his lips.

  "I don't screw on the first date," He quipped cleverly, the picture of innocence.

  "Too bad. I do,"

  I couldn't help a growl emanating from my throat as I pushed him down into the cushions. He laughed and pulled me forwards to seize my mouth with a searing kiss. He squirmed under my weight, pawing and rubbing my arms, my sides, my legs, anywhere he could get his hands. Horny, needy Leo is a hot Leo in my books. I don't mean to sound big headed (I totally do), but one touch from me and I have him shaking. It's pretty awesome. One brush of my fingertips against his throat and he's shivering. One painfully slow slide of my tongue on his collar and I have him mewling like a baby.

  We forgot about the film. No big loss. Our sex was way hotter than theirs anyway. It was real, for a start. I'll tell you one thing, Leo is into some kinky shit. I'm not saying I'm any better, but damn. Good job we were alone, that's all I'm saying. It's always infinitely better when we take our time and fully explore eachother's limits. He can take torture wordlessly for hours. Give him the tiniest bit of sexual pleasure though and he's churring the place down. I freaking love it. I never let him forget it either. Nothing better than seeing the blush rise to his cheeks when I make him remember exactly how he moans for me.

  I can't describe the exact shade of his pinky green skin, or the hooded, wanton expression in his dark eyes. I just know that it drives me fucking wild. I've only ever seen him more vulnerable, and I don't like thinking about it, specially not during sex. Even when he's sleeping he's guarded. A stiff, careful position, with strict, measured breathing. Only makes a peep when he has nightmares. As twisted as it sounds, I'm grateful for it. Means we know exactly when to go wake him up and comfort him, 'cause god knows he doesn't allow it any other time.

  His skin ain't satin beneath my fingertips. His voice ain't melodic peals as he mewls in my ear. His grasp ain't loving and tender. In fact, his skin is rough and sweaty, his rumbling churrs are as loud as fuck and his hold on my biceps is so desperate he's forming bruises. This is what it's like with us and I wouldn't trade it for the world. I can't be doing with this soft and sweet love making. Me and Leo just aren't like that. Not right now anyways. In the future, many, many, years down the line, when the heat and the ferocity has worn off, we might be like that.

  But for now, we fuck like animals - hot, harsh and heavy. I'll never get tired of the searing heat from his ass as it clenches around my dick. It's a pleasure comparable to none, and he knows it as well as I do. I ain't gonna lie, I love him pounding into me just as much as I love taking him. It's an intimacy we can't get through kissing or cuddling. There's an equality, a common vulnerability shared between us. An understanding. Our souls are laid bare to one another and we have to tread carefully.

  Tonight's sex doesn't last long. It's never drawn out anyway, we're always too high strung on eachother's heady scent and frantic touch. He comes violently with a strangled cry of my name, and it's his face that gets me coming back for more every time. I can't see his eyes, he always clenches them shut, but his brow is furrowed with the intensity of the sensations he's feeling, and his mouth forms this perfect little 'o' just before it strikes him. I don't think many things are beautiful, but that fucking is.

  He emptied himself and then collapsed against the couch arm, fighting for breath. His chest heaved and sweat droplets ran enticingly down his flushed skin. I gave out a prolonged, broken groan and climaxed just as powerfully not long afterward. I felt my blood boil beneath my skin and my muscles spasm with ecstasy. Jerking myself off never matches this. My clammy, callused palm just can't replicate his smooth, tight ass no matter how much I try.

  I fell beside him and desperately filled my lungs with air, trying to calm my racing pulse. It's only him that has this effect on me. Mike and Don, I love the guys to death, but it's only Leo who can reduce me to this crazed mixture of lust and affection. Always has. Always will too, I think. This fire that burns for him is just so damn strong I can't ever see it going out. That's all I can describe it as. A roaring, passionate flame deep within my chest, blazing mercilessly through my heart and veins.

  He moved first. Kissed me softly on the mouth and rose to fetch towels. He never basks in the afterglow for long, too worried about cleaning up and feeling 'normal' again. Sex fills him with such an alien bliss he doesn't quite know what to do with himself afterward. It feels wrong to him, letting himself be overwhelmed sexually like that. Doesn't stop him coming back for more though. I think our affinity is the only thing holding him together sometimes. He could be falling apart at the seams but one touch from me sews him back together again and helps him face another day.

  He cleaned up with a distant, faraway expression, his movements slow and a little bit dazed. He tenderly wiped his jizz from my chest, the corners of his mouth lifting ever so slightly. He looked lost, almost. It's funny, any other time and his face is as blank as a rock. It's only after sex, or if someone's hurt or ill, his face finally morphs to show us his feelings. I'd say I feel emotion twice as strong as he does to make up for his stoicism, but that ain't true. I know he feels shit with as much wild intensity as I do. Only difference is he keeps it all locked behind that damn mask of his. I've made it a goal in life to destroy that mask. I'm getting there too, one step at a time.

  I yanked the towel from his hands and tossed it aside. His eyes searched mine tiredly, seeking answers and guidance. I had no answers to give him, I never do. He's asking questions I don't know the answers to, and we ain't ever getting them. Got no choice but to just live each day as it is and try not to worry about the future. The minute we start fretting about shit we can't control is the minute we start losing it. I won't ever let that happen.

  So instead I snaked an arm around his shoulders and pulled him close to my chest. He didn't hesitate, instantly pressing against me and burying his face in my plastron. It felt weird, cuddling up like this on the couch. Weird, but not unpleasant. He was a warm and soothing tonic to my charred soul, as I probably was to his. His shallow breathing had returned to normal and he wrapped his arms around my middle like some giant freaking teddy bear.

  Hm. This ain't so bad. I could probably get used to this. If you'd have said to me this morning I was gonna have a date and finish it cuddling on the couch I'd have laughed at you and stuck my sai where the sun don't shine. But I guess Mike and Don were onto something with this. It's nice just to hold each other you know? Listen to his heart thrum in the quiet and reassure myself he ain't going anywhere. I'd never let him. Not now. Anywhere he goes, I'm on his heels.

  I leaned my cheek against his head and turned my attention back to the television. We'd left it on during the sex, completely blocking out the drone of sound and electronic glow. The shit film had finished by now, the start menu on the DVD looping itself. I absent-mindedly reached for the remote and changed the channel to regular programs, content to watch any old crap as long as we could stay entwined like this. He never said a word, but I knew he was complacent. Kept pressing soft, grateful kisses to my collar bone.

  See, we can communicate so much better without words sometimes. When we start talking, we both just screw shit up. I get angry and say stuff I don't mean and he accidentally adopts this superior attitude. Think we both need to learn to just stop and think for a second. It's hard, though, for both of us. Too damn eager to get out what we want to say without hearing each other out. I'm willing to give it a try if he is. There's two of us in this relationship after all. And if we have any hope of lasting we need to pull ourselves together.

  We both dozed after a while, lulled by the soft tones of the late night talk show. I half thought about turning off the tv and moving to bed. But the idea was swiftly forgotten when Leo murmured something in his sleep and wriggled closer. We've never actually purposely spent the night together. We've always gone to the other room for sex or an argument and just accidentally fell asleep. Tonight was different. Didn't want to let him go. Gotta admit, waking up next to someone has gotta be one of the best damn things in the world.

  We were that far off in dreamland neither of us heard the door open. Rare for me, rarer for Leo. I'd like to say it was because the epic sex session took it outta us, but in reality it's 'cause we were just so damn relaxed. We were rudely jolted awake though by Mikey's gleeful screech in our ears and then Don's hurried shushing. I groaned and cursed under my breath, momentarily forgetting I was curled up with Leo.

  "'the fuck, Mikey?" I snarled, frowning and refusing to open my eyes.

  All I received in return was a delighted cackle and a repetitive clicking noise. I opened my eyes irritably and was met with my baby brother dancing in front of me snapping pictures with the camera. I growled, fully intending to get up and kick his ass but something was holding onto me, restricting my movements. I looked down and suddenly remembered, my stomach dropping sickeningly to my toes.

  Shit.

  Leo slowly peeled himself off me, blinking in a stupor and rubbing his eyes in confusion. I instantly felt colder, like he had taken a good portion of my body heat with him. I didn't realize it at the time 'cause I was too pissed off with Mikey, but Leo looked damn adorable like that. It hardened my resolve to spend the nights with him more often, if he's gonna let his guard down like that all the time. Guy needs to remember he ain't a fucking robot.

  "Raphie, you didn't tell me you were a part time teddy bear!" Mikey crowed, waving the camera at me.

  I told him where to shove it with a threatening lilt to my tone, distancing myself from Leo as much as I could. It was one thing coming to terms with this whole cuddling thing myself, but to have Mike and Don witness it was another thing entirely. The bastards will never let me live it down. Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase 'caught in the act'. It's embarrassing, you know? I'd rather them catch us having sex. This snuggling is a completely new aspect of exposure that I don't know how to deal with. Sure it's second nature to them, but they've always been totally fine with demonstrating affection. Me and Leo are totally not fine with that.

  Don came over and confiscated the camera. I mentally breathed out a sigh of relief. Donnie wouldn't mock us. Donnie would delete the pictures and tell Mikey to stop being such an asshole. The guy was reasonable, understanding. Or so I thought. He did the complete opposite and started scrolling through the pictures, chuckling at our compromising position. What an absolute dick.

  "Aw, don't you guys look the cutest?" He cooed nauseatingly, his face simperingly sweet.

  "I'm totally sending these to Casey! I'll put 'big bad Raphie gives big bad cuddles!'" Mike snickered, hugging himself enthusiastically to emphasize his point.

  Donnie the Dick roared with laughter. I'll kill him. I'll kill them both. Howling with rage I leaped up from the couch and lunged for Mike, intent of snatching the camera from him and destroying the evidence. If there's one thing I can't stand it's someone taking the piss outta me. Especially about something I'm insecure about to start with. Mikey knows this and yet he still pushes my damn buttons. Just shows how well we know one another I suppose.

  I chased him about for an hour. We ended up wrestling and breaking a lamp. Eventually Leo woke up enough to get pissed off and yell at us. So we stopped and Mikey erased the pictures. Only because I think Leo was just as humiliated as I was at getting caught doing something so out of character. He has a certain image to uphold just as much as I do. Stupid really, 'cause we're all brothers here, and there's nothing we don't share with each other. Just want them to know they can always rely on us. And how can they do that when they just see us a saps?

  Guess me and Leo aren't that different after all. I slept in his bed that night. He has a small bed and there wasn't a great deal of room so we had to squeeze together real tight. Was so much better than the couch. He said I'd overreacted. Should have just acted like I didn't care and Mikey would have grown bored with the teasing. Makes sense now I think about it. Just means I'll have to get him back. Him and Don ought to watch their backs, 'cause I swear I'll catch them doing something just as humiliating. And when it happens, no amount of lecturing is gonna make me destroy the evidence.

  Still. Guess I owe them some sort of thank you. Waking up with Leo folded in my arms and the light tickle of his breath on my neck was something I wouldn't trade the world for. Made all the drama from the night before just disappear. Put me in a good mood for the rest of the day too. It just made me more determined to really set things right between us. There's a lot more to what we have than fighting and sex, and I wanna really explore it all. I can't let our occasional stupidity destroy this feeling of happiness and belonging. It's all we have. We lose that and we lose each other. That much is clear now. Could do without my new nickname though.

  Raph the Cuddle Monster is getting very old, very fast.

  The End