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Description
Don't leave me.

I watched you turn your back on me, your shoulders stiff. I felt the familiar burn of tears beginning to clog at my throat and the salt sting my eyes.

Please...please don't leave me.

I wrapped my arms around myself, my breath hitching on an oncoming sob. Your short hair caressed the nape of your neck, your eyes...
I couldn't see your eyes. Not at this angle. Your back was too me. Oh, how I longed to see those brown pools of melted chocolate! How I longed to get lost in their warmth...a warmth I had shattered.

Please...

I wanted to take a step forward, no matter how faltering it would have been. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted you to know how I felt about you. I wanted you to know everything. I was rooted, stuck to the floor of my own despair, of my crumbling emotions.

Finally, you turned around. It wasn't a full turn; a small pivot of your delicate heel, an arching of a sarcastic brow. Your cheek looked damp, and if I looked past the watery glaze that covered my own eyes, I could count each individual tear that had taken its course down the map of your face. Each of those tracks was like a knife stabbing me through my back, plunging deep through muscle and tissue only to be wrenched out and thrusted into again.

I'm sorry....I'm so sorry...

My lips trembled, my teeth beginning to chatter. I wondered if I was the only one who could hear their sounds of desperation, of the many pleas that bounced in the well of my mouth and rebounded against my inner cheeks, begging to be released.

Losing you...no. NO! Nooo, no, no. No...I can't even bear the thought. Don't you know?! Don't you see? YOU'RE my life...my entire life...please...please don't walk out on me...please don't leave me alone to this darkness...

You turned around to face me. Your stance was filled with tension, your lips pressed into a thin line of annoyance. Your slender arms folded across your chest, your bangs fringing your forehead. I cringed, wanting to shrink back from your anger. I deserved it, deserved it, needed it, needed you, craved you...if I got any form of attention from you, I was happy, oh so happy...even though it seemed like all you wanted to do was pretend I didn't exist. That noise I had been blocking cracked; made me sound like I was choking.

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't know! Please, please! Believe me...my angel, I need you so much...please don't leave me alone again. Please don't...I've walked the path of life with bloodied feet, my toenails ripped off from the arduous journey, only to find relief and purity in your arms...don't leave me to this hell...don't leave me...

I couldn't hold back another crackled gurgle of mourning, the barricades that struggled against the flood of my tears giving way with a mighty groan, and they were free, free to run down my face, into my open mouth. Running, running, down, down, down, drip drip, dripping. Drip, drip; watch them cling to my chin and stain my shirt until the material is dark with my sadness. Drip, drip; hear my wails that echo around us as I cry and stumble towards you.

No...you can't go...I won't let you! I WON'T LET YOU! Call me possessive! Call me crazy! Call me all these things and then some! Yes, I am all those...all those...yes...yes...just please...Angel; MY angel. My darling, my life....I can't stand the thought of letting you go. I can't...no...I would die...die, die, die...die, my darling, my darling...

I press my forehead to your foot, my entire body trembling. My lips quivered, my hair falling down past my ears in swirls. I could almost taste the wood of my floor beneath me, inhaling its mustiness, along with the rubber of your sole. Begging. I was begging. Begging for you. On my hands and knees, my back exposed to your lashings. Begging; begging for you. For you not to go. On my knees, on my knees, on my knees...knees, knees, please, please...

You don't understand, do you? You don't understand, understand...You're everything to me. Everything I could have DREAMED of, let alone have. To know you're mine, my only, my love, my partner...to know that your heart beats in tune with mine, to know that your thoughts are entwined with my own...to know that you care for me, care for me, love me, even, love me, love me...please don't leave me...without you, I would be stuck in this cyclone of never-endings, of misused dreams, of broken hopes and decayed promises. Without you here, holding me, needing me...cherishing me...I would cease to be.

You're tense again. I dare not look up, but I can FEEL it. I can feel it deep within my bones, snaking through the river of my blood and ensnarling my heart, constricting it until I felt like it would pop from the pressure. Maybe having my heart be dismembered would be a relief compared to the torture of having you mad at me...walking out on me...

I love you...I don't say it enough. I don't. I should. I should, I should...I love you. I love you more than I have ever allowed myself to love. You're in my thoughts, in my dreams, my warrior, my angel, banishing the nightmares that plague my mind and make me thrash and scream in the hours of the still darkness. With one touch, one small word, one glance of you in my peripheral vision and I am immediately calm. You bring me peace; you bring me joy. You bring me so much...FEELING...feelings I never thought I would let myself enjoy. I never wanted to hurt you. To know I had caused you distress, that I am the culprit of your tears...that knife just twisted. The wooden hilt splintered against my skin, scratching against it, blood and wood chips combining.

I could have stayed here for an eternity; stayed here until my body no longer ached, numbed from having not moved from that same position for so long. I would endure the pain; I would endure this stance, until I got a response from you. I didn't want you to go; couldn't let you leave me behind. There was too much, too much of me in you that for you to close that door...I would die. A hand could not reach without the aid of an arm. A mouth could not speak without the use of a tongue. An eye could not see without the aid of the brain. A mind cannot think without its other half. MY half; my half in you. You ARE my other half, my love, my salvation...

I love you...I love you...though I can cry a thousand tears, endure the brutality ofa hundred needles, I cannot endure the loss of you. Would you hear my screams if you walked out on me now? Would you be able to hear my hoarse voice, hoarse from calling out to you? Needing you...I need you...I need you...Need you more than my need to survive. You're the sheild I hide myself behind, the sword I grip tightly to defend myself against the horrors of this world. You're everything to me...mean everything to me...my angel..my angel, life, my need, my unbidden, pure desire...I love you with every fibre of my being. This sinful creature loves you so much...Forgive me, angel...forgive my selfishness against your selflessness. Forgive my muteness to your honesty. Forgive my darkness against your light.

"Don't go..." I whispered now, the tears, though not as quick in coming, still falling down the bones of my cheeks to splash against the wooden floor. "Don't go..."

Did something change? Did you forgive me? I felt your leg shift; felt, more than heard, your gentle sigh. The air changed then; it lessened, opened. I was able to breathe for the first time in this tightness, the tension and stress ebbing away, melting through my bones. What had changed? Hope flickered within my breast. Have you forgiven me...? Have you forgiven me, after all..?

I love you...I love you...I love you so much...I want to hold you and melt against your curves, to hear you whisper my name against my lips. I want to see those eyes for an eternity, always bright like the twilight sky. I want to see my reflection in those brown depths, because, my love, everything I have, everything I own, everything that you want is already yours. My heart belongs to you, my love. My soul is yours, for however long you wish to have it. Eternity may seem long, but an eternity with you...what a blessing that eternity would be....

Your arms wrapped around me, holding me close. I was so grateful, so grateful that I nearly collasped, the strain of me bent over, on my hands and knees, had taken its toll on my muscles. They were hard like stones, unwilling to move, but it no longer mattered. Your beautiful presence, your love, your forgiveness flowed over me, made me want to weep anew, this time tears of relief rather than moroseness. It was in your arms I was meant to be. THIS was perfection; THIS was security. THIS...this...was home...

"I love you..."
I could've sworn I heard your smile in your voice.
"...I love you, too."

Forgiveness...to be loved, is one thing. To be forgiven...to be accepted into your arms...I would gather every star I see in the sky and let them glow in the palm of your hands, just to hear you say 'Yes, I forgive you'. I would do anything to make you smile, do anything to make your tears only flow when it comes to making you bowl over in mirth. I will make the moon and the sun watch over you, make it rain to wash away your anger and start anew, just to here you say those words again. Words of love; words of freedom. Love came with a heavy price and responsibilities. Love never made itself easy, or made itself known so obviously, but what I DID know about love...sweet, sweet love...was that when you were touched by its hand...and you let your fingers grip with it...it gave you everything it promised. It gave friendship. It gave compassion. It gave empathy. It gave understanding. Most importantly, it gave a place to call home in the heart of another. Love, no matter how frustrating it could be, no matter how many times the door threatened to slam shut...love guided me to you...love gave me you...and it is you I will stay with...for as long as you want me...as long as you need me...I am not going anywhere...I will return to your arms, for as long as you want my embrace...I love you....

"I love you..." I repeated, my jerking fingers finding your shoulder. "I love you...."
"...I know...." I heard you sigh softly. "I know..."

It was your arms I had feared I had lost, and it was those arms I let myself seek refuge. It was in your arms, I found my home again.

Description
Don't leave me.

I watched you turn your back on me, your shoulders stiff. I felt the familiar burn of tears beginning to clog at my throat and the salt sting my eyes.

Please...please don't leave me.

I wrapped my arms around myself, my breath hitching on an oncoming sob. Your short hair caressed the nape of your neck, your eyes...
I couldn't see your eyes. Not at this angle. Your back was too me. Oh, how I longed to see those brown pools of melted chocolate! How I longed to get lost in their warmth...a warmth I had shattered.

Please...

I wanted to take a step forward, no matter how faltering it would have been. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted you to know how I felt about you. I wanted you to know everything. I was rooted, stuck to the floor of my own despair, of my crumbling emotions.

Finally, you turned around. It wasn't a full turn; a small pivot of your delicate heel, an arching of a sarcastic brow. Your cheek looked damp, and if I looked past the watery glaze that covered my own eyes, I could count each individual tear that had taken its course down the map of your face. Each of those tracks was like a knife stabbing me through my back, plunging deep through muscle and tissue only to be wrenched out and thrusted into again.

I'm sorry....I'm so sorry...

My lips trembled, my teeth beginning to chatter. I wondered if I was the only one who could hear their sounds of desperation, of the many pleas that bounced in the well of my mouth and rebounded against my inner cheeks, begging to be released.

Losing you...no. NO! Nooo, no, no. No...I can't even bear the thought. Don't you know?! Don't you see? YOU'RE my life...my entire life...please...please don't walk out on me...please don't leave me alone to this darkness...

You turned around to face me. Your stance was filled with tension, your lips pressed into a thin line of annoyance. Your slender arms folded across your chest, your bangs fringing your forehead. I cringed, wanting to shrink back from your anger. I deserved it, deserved it, needed it, needed you, craved you...if I got any form of attention from you, I was happy, oh so happy...even though it seemed like all you wanted to do was pretend I didn't exist. That noise I had been blocking cracked; made me sound like I was choking.

I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't know! Please, please! Believe me...my angel, I need you so much...please don't leave me alone again. Please don't...I've walked the path of life with bloodied feet, my toenails ripped off from the arduous journey, only to find relief and purity in your arms...don't leave me to this hell...don't leave me...

I couldn't hold back another crackled gurgle of mourning, the barricades that struggled against the flood of my tears giving way with a mighty groan, and they were free, free to run down my face, into my open mouth. Running, running, down, down, down, drip drip, dripping. Drip, drip; watch them cling to my chin and stain my shirt until the material is dark with my sadness. Drip, drip; hear my wails that echo around us as I cry and stumble towards you.

No...you can't go...I won't let you! I WON'T LET YOU! Call me possessive! Call me crazy! Call me all these things and then some! Yes, I am all those...all those...yes...yes...just please...Angel; MY angel. My darling, my life....I can't stand the thought of letting you go. I can't...no...I would die...die, die, die...die, my darling, my darling...

I press my forehead to your foot, my entire body trembling. My lips quivered, my hair falling down past my ears in swirls. I could almost taste the wood of my floor beneath me, inhaling its mustiness, along with the rubber of your sole. Begging. I was begging. Begging for you. On my hands and knees, my back exposed to your lashings. Begging; begging for you. For you not to go. On my knees, on my knees, on my knees...knees, knees, please, please...

You don't understand, do you? You don't understand, understand...You're everything to me. Everything I could have DREAMED of, let alone have. To know you're mine, my only, my love, my partner...to know that your heart beats in tune with mine, to know that your thoughts are entwined with my own...to know that you care for me, care for me, love me, even, love me, love me...please don't leave me...without you, I would be stuck in this cyclone of never-endings, of misused dreams, of broken hopes and decayed promises. Without you here, holding me, needing me...cherishing me...I would cease to be.

You're tense again. I dare not look up, but I can FEEL it. I can feel it deep within my bones, snaking through the river of my blood and ensnarling my heart, constricting it until I felt like it would pop from the pressure. Maybe having my heart be dismembered would be a relief compared to the torture of having you mad at me...walking out on me...

I love you...I don't say it enough. I don't. I should. I should, I should...I love you. I love you more than I have ever allowed myself to love. You're in my thoughts, in my dreams, my warrior, my angel, banishing the nightmares that plague my mind and make me thrash and scream in the hours of the still darkness. With one touch, one small word, one glance of you in my peripheral vision and I am immediately calm. You bring me peace; you bring me joy. You bring me so much...FEELING...feelings I never thought I would let myself enjoy. I never wanted to hurt you. To know I had caused you distress, that I am the culprit of your tears...that knife just twisted. The wooden hilt splintered against my skin, scratching against it, blood and wood chips combining.

I could have stayed here for an eternity; stayed here until my body no longer ached, numbed from having not moved from that same position for so long. I would endure the pain; I would endure this stance, until I got a response from you. I didn't want you to go; couldn't let you leave me behind. There was too much, too much of me in you that for you to close that door...I would die. A hand could not reach without the aid of an arm. A mouth could not speak without the use of a tongue. An eye could not see without the aid of the brain. A mind cannot think without its other half. MY half; my half in you. You ARE my other half, my love, my salvation...

I love you...I love you...though I can cry a thousand tears, endure the brutality ofa hundred needles, I cannot endure the loss of you. Would you hear my screams if you walked out on me now? Would you be able to hear my hoarse voice, hoarse from calling out to you? Needing you...I need you...I need you...Need you more than my need to survive. You're the sheild I hide myself behind, the sword I grip tightly to defend myself against the horrors of this world. You're everything to me...mean everything to me...my angel..my angel, life, my need, my unbidden, pure desire...I love you with every fibre of my being. This sinful creature loves you so much...Forgive me, angel...forgive my selfishness against your selflessness. Forgive my muteness to your honesty. Forgive my darkness against your light.

"Don't go..." I whispered now, the tears, though not as quick in coming, still falling down the bones of my cheeks to splash against the wooden floor. "Don't go..."

Did something change? Did you forgive me? I felt your leg shift; felt, more than heard, your gentle sigh. The air changed then; it lessened, opened. I was able to breathe for the first time in this tightness, the tension and stress ebbing away, melting through my bones. What had changed? Hope flickered within my breast. Have you forgiven me...? Have you forgiven me, after all..?

I love you...I love you...I love you so much...I want to hold you and melt against your curves, to hear you whisper my name against my lips. I want to see those eyes for an eternity, always bright like the twilight sky. I want to see my reflection in those brown depths, because, my love, everything I have, everything I own, everything that you want is already yours. My heart belongs to you, my love. My soul is yours, for however long you wish to have it. Eternity may seem long, but an eternity with you...what a blessing that eternity would be....

Your arms wrapped around me, holding me close. I was so grateful, so grateful that I nearly collasped, the strain of me bent over, on my hands and knees, had taken its toll on my muscles. They were hard like stones, unwilling to move, but it no longer mattered. Your beautiful presence, your love, your forgiveness flowed over me, made me want to weep anew, this time tears of relief rather than moroseness. It was in your arms I was meant to be. THIS was perfection; THIS was security. THIS...this...was home...

"I love you..."
I could've sworn I heard your smile in your voice.
"...I love you, too."

Forgiveness...to be loved, is one thing. To be forgiven...to be accepted into your arms...I would gather every star I see in the sky and let them glow in the palm of your hands, just to hear you say 'Yes, I forgive you'. I would do anything to make you smile, do anything to make your tears only flow when it comes to making you bowl over in mirth. I will make the moon and the sun watch over you, make it rain to wash away your anger and start anew, just to here you say those words again. Words of love; words of freedom. Love came with a heavy price and responsibilities. Love never made itself easy, or made itself known so obviously, but what I DID know about love...sweet, sweet love...was that when you were touched by its hand...and you let your fingers grip with it...it gave you everything it promised. It gave friendship. It gave compassion. It gave empathy. It gave understanding. Most importantly, it gave a place to call home in the heart of another. Love, no matter how frustrating it could be, no matter how many times the door threatened to slam shut...love guided me to you...love gave me you...and it is you I will stay with...for as long as you want me...as long as you need me...I am not going anywhere...I will return to your arms, for as long as you want my embrace...I love you....

"I love you..." I repeated, my jerking fingers finding your shoulder. "I love you...."
"...I know...." I heard you sigh softly. "I know..."

It was your arms I had feared I had lost, and it was those arms I let myself seek refuge. It was in your arms, I found my home again.