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enigma-theory — Amorous Treachery
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Published: 2010-01-02 04:35:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 636; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 0
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Description
The acidic toxicity of sordid gloom,Descending down the rim of my spine,
Encompassing my brittle black bones,
Scalding my insides as it bleeds en route the devils lair,
Gushing uncontrollably; exuding my flesh.
Fragile; my shield decays,
Vulnerable; I retreat to my sanctuary,
Safeguarded to lament in solitude.
For punishment is far more prominent,
Then to abide by this vehement desire to attain the unattainable.
Comments: 18
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Btw, the activity messages tell me you've "given me a 'Llama Badge.'" I really don't know what that is.
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hehe omg i was ur first llama giver! i feel so awesome right now! 
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My shield breaks far too much, so I know what you're talking about. You just want to go away somewhere and retreat from reality. Great work.
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exactly, u dont want to face what u know is coming.. so pull into urself because its easier that way..
thank u
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You're welcome.
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I don't think that u need to change anything. I love it, it makes me think about torture and heartbrokeness!..
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thats exactly what its about
and thanks so much for ur comment, it means a lot
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I must say I like it... I like the rhythm of the poem and the atmosphere of it... but If I was to speak on a personal level of the tehnical part I must say the frequency of the first person singular pronoun is a bit disturbing. As if you're just showing some deep part of your soul to the reader... showing too much for the unworthy. Keep some of the feelings in the shadows... don't explian yourself... play with our minds... because as a writer you are capable of it... and we, as the reader... with either believe you or discard you...
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ur right, my writings are based on my emotions or the effects of certain events in my life, the deepest of them.. but thought i should compensate to the reader for the short length with more description.. im usually very reluctant to give away too much information, i like taking the reader to curious levels and have them understand my works in more then just one way.. if i failed in that with this one then i might have to re inspect it to see if i can make it better.. its the first experimentation with such dark descriptions u see, and i didnt realise i was giving away so much.. thanks for the critique
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However, I must say I liked how the poem evolved... simple but very close to what I think is your personality.
You are much welcomed. I love a person that can discuss comments...
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