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Exploding-kitty — Nuclear Holocaust
Published: 2004-11-22 05:44:14 +0000 UTC; Views: 240; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 25
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Description i'll write you a song
and sing it with the prettiest voice
i'll describe your eyes
and make people cry
with just my words
i'll make it as beautiful as your soul
i'll have the boy i know downstairs
play his harp or if you want me to
i'll draw you a picture of your face
(pale skin, bubble nose)
of you when you're smiling
and all the ladies in art
will swoon and wish they knew you
and i figure if a couple of tiny bombs
can waste away the earth
i can certainly win back your heart
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Exploding-kitty - Fucked up fix
Comments: 11

silverdoves [2004-12-09 22:01:01 +0000 UTC]

I think this is beautiful. You are very talented.

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poeticsighs [2004-11-26 19:49:12 +0000 UTC]

another amazing poem by you. every one of your poems seem to just flow off the page straight into the heart. whats more is, i've been clinging to each one b/c i can relate to it so well. please keep writing

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Exploding-kitty In reply to poeticsighs [2004-11-28 15:27:36 +0000 UTC]

thanks so much.. you have no idea how much that means to me!!!!

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Tapedispenser [2004-11-24 01:08:48 +0000 UTC]

Great picture and poem

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Exploding-kitty In reply to Tapedispenser [2004-11-24 01:57:25 +0000 UTC]

thank you for your support!

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Tapedispenser In reply to Exploding-kitty [2004-11-24 02:31:39 +0000 UTC]

you are welcome. Lol Love your featured dev. It rocks
I might have to it too

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Exploding-kitty In reply to Tapedispenser [2004-11-24 04:03:19 +0000 UTC]

thanks! that would be much appreciated!!! I'm glad youre a fan of my stuff... I love your kitties!

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Soldierofmisfortune [2004-11-22 09:25:10 +0000 UTC]

I must say I disagree a bit with the previous comment.
I would suggest keeping the things that make the poem personal and specific, it makes for a stronger impact. Making it more general could also make it a bit vauge.
(I'll agree that the title might be somewhat violent however.)
Anyway, it's a great poem. Keep up the good work.

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Exploding-kitty In reply to Soldierofmisfortune [2004-11-22 16:54:35 +0000 UTC]

thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!! *cyber kiss*

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Exploding-kitty [2004-11-22 06:01:13 +0000 UTC]

thanks for the suggestions and the favorite!

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danjklucas [2004-11-22 05:55:35 +0000 UTC]

There's something deep and moving in this poem. Something really frightening at its core.

I think that two things could be done to make this poem less specific, thus making it even more gripping. First, I would remove the line which reads (pale skin, bubble nose), it makes it less personal if I have tan skin and a strong nose (unfortunately, your description was pretty accurate for me ). I'm very torn about the last word. It provides a nice falling rhythm in contrast to the rest of the lines, which makes it a very haunting ending, but the back pulls the reader out of a place where the poem is universal and makes him or her for like an awkward voyeur. I'm not quite sure what I'd do with it, so unless you have some way to remove back with losing the falling rhythm, it's probably best to keep it.

Anyway, very strong. Very horrifying with the contrast and the almost schizoid detachment.

Oh, forgot this. The title seems a little more violent than the poem itself. Perhaps something that's as detached as the poem itself would serve better.

I love this poem though. Adding to my favorites now.

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