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Exploding-kitty — Unhealthy romance realization [NSFW]
Published: 2005-01-25 21:10:06 +0000 UTC; Views: 131; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 6
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Description it's as if history cannot help
but repeat itself
when you and i fall back in love (rather fall all over one another)
when we lay in bed all day
on a sunday afternoon
when the weather is beautiful
(long gone are the cold January chills)
and our time (our health) would be better
spent
innocently walking by the river
(not touching)

but lying in bed i confessed
that you make me shake
(crudely you said i make you cum)
so instead of staying as far away from
each other as possible
we tried salsa dancing naked
and i watched the blue sky out of your
bedroom window
and suddenly realized exactly what i was missing out
on
(exactly what you will never give me)

you make me feel like Spring
but it is still winter
despite the blue skies and pink cotton-candy petals
(tomorrow the air will surely be cold again)
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Exploding-kitty - Fucked up fix
Comments: 14

goofyromantic [2005-03-28 06:31:11 +0000 UTC]

I really agree with the guy who had lucas in his name...I think I've said this before, but you seem like what 13 year old suburban goth girls would be if they had talent.

I mean that's not a really fair way to say it I guess...at least not to sum you all up..it's kinda hard to, you're writings very unique

My favorite part is how it has that very personal, journal like part to it, but at the same time it has some amaaaaazing imagery.

I love goin through your gallery

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poeticsighs [2005-01-27 18:13:00 +0000 UTC]

but lying in bed i confessed
that you make me shake
(crudely you said i make you cum)

i love this part!!

the whole poem seems to go from hot to cold hot to cold. you conveyed your emotions well

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Exploding-kitty In reply to poeticsighs [2005-01-27 22:41:53 +0000 UTC]

thank you!!!!! *huge motherfucking cyber kiss*

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xdennisxcootsx [2005-01-26 23:57:42 +0000 UTC]

your poetry is so open. its great. makes the reader feel like they really know how you feel. you always seem to take the words right out of my mouth. just thought i'd let you know.

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Exploding-kitty In reply to xdennisxcootsx [2005-01-27 22:40:41 +0000 UTC]

thank you so much! That comment made my day! Truly, thank you!

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xdennisxcootsx In reply to Exploding-kitty [2005-01-29 05:15:27 +0000 UTC]

you're very welcome!

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silverdoves [2005-01-26 20:01:20 +0000 UTC]

I love it. I love your parentheses, I think they are an original way to add a footnote to your thoughts. This poem is so personal that's what makes it wonderful. I love the happy feeling, even though the concept of it is kinda sad. ie the blue skies, the pink-cottoncandy petals. It paints a beautiful picture in my mind, even the naked salsa-dancing. So unique to you and your relationship. People can relate to the feeling, but not the exact experience.

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Exploding-kitty In reply to silverdoves [2005-01-26 22:50:03 +0000 UTC]

merci beaucoup! Thank you so much! I value your comments, and appreciate them so much. I'm glad you took a little part of my anguish, confusion and breaking heart with you.

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mysterious6 [2005-01-26 17:02:12 +0000 UTC]

Nice. Deep. Emotinal.

I like the way it's real though, and open.

Tres cool.

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Exploding-kitty In reply to mysterious6 [2005-01-26 22:48:15 +0000 UTC]

Thank you very much!!!! I appreciate it!

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danjklucas [2005-01-26 16:26:43 +0000 UTC]

This is very personal and individual, which usually sucks in poetry. But somehow, you make it work. A lot of your poetry does this. Very good work.

One consistent element of your work which I'm not a fan of however are parentheses. I think you might be able to do the same sort of thing, but without halting your work so much, if you used em dashes (Emily Dickinson used them like crazy). Anyway, good job

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Exploding-kitty In reply to danjklucas [2005-01-26 22:45:55 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the comment, I truly appreciate your kind words and constructive criticism... unfortunately the paranthesis are a major part of my constantly evolving writing style. I'm really big on them right now, and I love using them in my work. The point of them is to include a sort of footnote, that is meant to make you stop and halt the writing. I'm sorry you aren't more of a fan, but I thank you all the same and truly appreciate everything you have to say

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sprinkler [2005-01-26 04:27:38 +0000 UTC]

i almost feel like i am reading your diary
which is the best thing that can happen

"but lying in bed i confessed
that you make me shake
(crudely you said i make you cum)
so instead of staying as far away from
each other as possible
we tried salsa dancing naked "

that is definately the best part
(i mean to say that is the part with the 100% i am reading your diary voyeur kind of satisfaction.)

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Exploding-kitty In reply to sprinkler [2005-01-26 06:23:57 +0000 UTC]

aww thank you!!!!! It does feel like I am writing something from a diary, and I also believe that honesty and personal feelings and actions make for good reading. Thank you again!

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