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Exploding-kitty — i miss the ocean
Published: 2004-12-05 02:04:49 +0000 UTC; Views: 82; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 2
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Description after you left
i went for a trip to the coast
i hadn't seen the ocean in years
(i had never seen seattle in the dark)
the waves were calm and
the dark took over and i laid my head against
the window and took in as much
sea air as i could
and imagined i could see whales and
wondered what it would be like if
you were there with me
it was cold and i wanted to take my clothes
off and go swimming but instead
i collected shells for my mother
(i was 4 years old all over again)
and cried the whole way home
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Exploding-kitty - Fucked up fix
Comments: 7

silverdoves [2004-12-09 21:29:38 +0000 UTC]

you're poems are so descriptive, I love them. I can place myself right there, doing what you're doing and I love it. I can experience the feeling and emotions for myself. Amazing.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

danjklucas [2004-12-06 14:45:55 +0000 UTC]

Hey, I'd like to know if my interpretations of the metaphor here are correct, so, enlighten me:

the ocean: the speaker's relationship with a past lover.
darkness: negative feelings. loneliness.
indirect experience of the ocean (smelling, seeing): memories
whales: I have no idea what you mean by whales.
removal of clothing: sexual desire
swimming: return to past love
collecting shells: memory of innocence

Anyway, at first, I didn't see the connections, so I'm not sure if they're there. If they are, it's an excellent poem. If they're not, you faked me out with your single layer of meaning :-P

"wondered what it would be like if
you were there with me"

I think that the line would do better without these lines. The reader has figured out what's going on, and if you include these lines, it's like you're saying we're too dull to get it.

Good job!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Exploding-kitty In reply to danjklucas [2004-12-07 01:26:44 +0000 UTC]

well actually I think for the most part I just faked you out, sorry that the poem is no longer excellent!

This really happened to me, and when I say i imagined I could see whales, it was because I really wanted to see whales.

The shell collecting was a longing to get back to innocence though, a time when everything didn't hurt so badly, and the darkness was definitely loneliness.
Sorry to disappoint you, thank you for the comments though,
but unfortunately the poem is exactly what it is.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

poeticsighs [2004-12-05 22:15:05 +0000 UTC]

oh wow, i love this. it makes me want to cry. I can totally curl up with this poem and feel the emotion pouring out of it. god, you're amazing!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Exploding-kitty In reply to poeticsighs [2004-12-05 22:58:47 +0000 UTC]

wow! thank you so much... you always have the greatest things to say about my work, and I am so happy you like this piece. Thank you so much!

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Soldierofmisfortune [2004-12-05 02:48:59 +0000 UTC]

It's wonderful.
Simple but beautiful, with so much meaning and, as usual with your poems, a very strong ending.
The fact that I really love the ocean doesn't really make it worse...
I love it.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Exploding-kitty In reply to Soldierofmisfortune [2004-12-05 02:56:04 +0000 UTC]

thanks so much for the encouragment!!!!! I'm glad you love it, I must admit I like this one too, which isn't very common for me! thanks for the fav!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0