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fallacies — White Lie
Published: 2003-01-15 18:47:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 865; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 46
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Description
"no,echoed through my still mind like
the barks that echoed, tick and tock,
the protesting angry barks that measured the hour,
the entirety of the hour as they shaved away
his dignity by the legs.
it
such a small word for such a large nothing,
one vowel and one constenant entwined
to form the ending, the finality, the
last breath, the last cadence,
the dominant seventh to the tonic of life.
went
the stained remnants of him as I mopped the floor
unlike the memories that never would,
the time he played and lay with the alpha giant
or his vigorous backflips overdosed on ginseng,
pawing at the beauty ornamental in season
or pawing me and resting on my chest in warmth
smoothly."
like his legs, all four shaven
pierced with good intentions so many times
for the veins of a weak heart, so tired
so worn that they won't hold just collapse,
and the image of his eyes like glassy mist
that not two beats from the withdraw
saw me never again through worn and tangled hair.
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Comments: 18
good writing.. but I'm like a ghost now too.
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I no longer use the account fallacies, but I wrote this. I'd just like to say, if anyone makes it this far in the comments, that the line "no, it went smoothly" is supposed to be spaced out, so that it is one spaced sentence with the central paragraphs seperating each word. i.e. the word smoothly is alligned the right.
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Very fine piece... very true, and very rewarding to read.
Best regards
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I like your structure in this poem. It's quite interesting how you put your thoughts bout the seperated parts of "no, it went smoothly". Nice work!
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As mentioned previously "it went smoothly" reallly helps to play up the meaning of memories of a friend whom passed away. I say this because it helps the reader to know that it wasn't an abrupt or violent end, but rather one in which you could both know how one another felt. Yeah, it is a poem about a four legged friend passing on, but I feel this piece could be slightly modified and would be the perfect way to remember a good friend, long gone.
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the formatting kicked my little ass. go fallacies its your birthday..
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If imperious has been reading much of the tripe that finds its way into the poetry tier, then I understand the disbelief.
This is very powerful - I love the use of musical relationships as metaphors.
It is unfair that we are blessed with friends who touch our lives so strongly and then flicker out, leaving us with empty hope and bittersweet memories. I miss my black lab.
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It's such a beautiful poem! I agree, the "No, it went smoothly" had a great effect. I wish I could feel for this more but all I can be is an outsider trying to look in. I guess all I can do is try to appreciate your words as much as I can and send my sympathies.
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I like your description of the word "it" the best, but it's all very, very good.
-neely
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"the time he played and lay with the alpha giant"
Wonderful, just wonderful. I like how the poem is written, as if the thoughts were going faster than the words being said. That was a really cool way to juxtapose.
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your poems have really wonderful endings. I just thought I would mention that.. I cant even write words that give this poem justice. so I wont.
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to Murphy dog, you'll be missed....moment of silence
It's amazing how we hide our feelings in small irrelevant phrases. Careful with wording. Walking through life looking at billboard's telling us what we think and feel, they say the best thing to do in a radio commercial is mention your product six times. Murphy Dog, Murphy Dog, Murphy Dog, Murphy Dog, Murphy Dog. Was a good dog. I have random thoughts coming through my head, but then again, I'm just weird like that.
What kind of chow did he eat?
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I'll echo rednaz's sentiments....but asides from that I really digged the stanzas...a very touching and emotional tribute.
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wow, i really like how you put "no, it went smoothly" spereated througout the poem, nice touch. good job!! ^_^
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