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FallingWithoutStyle — Alone
Published: 2013-10-25 19:32:30 +0000 UTC; Views: 171; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 0
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Description
Nothing. There was nothing. Everywhere she turned, no matter where her eyes fell, there was nothing. No things, no people, just emptiness. She was completely alone.“H-Hello?” She called hesitantly, her voice quavering.
No answer, not even an echo. A deafening silence filled the air, seeming to swallow her whole.
“Please, is anyone there?” She called again in desperation, rubbing her arms in an attempt to drive away the freezing cold. Wisps of mist curled from her lips with every breath. “Anybody? Hello?”
Silence. The girl stood perfectly still, listening for any possible sound but hearing none. As time passed what little hope she had dwindled away and her eyes filled with tears. This was what she feared, her worst nightmare was coming to light. When she spoke her voice was soft and gentle, filled with despair.
“No, please, I don’t want to be alone….”
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Comments: 12
You have no idea how happy I am to read a piece with correct spelling and punctuation and everything. Your writings are very descriptive and detailed and definitely should earn even more attention than what they already have. The idea may not be all that original, but the fact that being alone in itself is the ultimate nightmare is, and you conveyed the scene and emotion very well. Your writing technique is wonderful and you definitely just earned yourself a watcher. If you want even more impact, draw it out. Make the discovery of what's really going on harder to get to and make the scene even more dramatic and grim.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you so much for your critique! I'm glad you enjoyed the piece, and when I have the time I'll be sure to draw it out some and build on it. Actually, the only reason it's so short is because it was an assignment with a length limit. My pieces are typically a little longer.
Thank you again ^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Of course! X3 That would be wonderful, I look forward to seeing it.
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Thanks ^^ And thanks for the favorite!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I don't think it needs to be fixed either, but adding a "yet" before filled in the second line might make it sound better.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you for the feedback?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I don't think this needs any fixing, it's perfect the way it is. That is just my opinion though.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I'm glad you liked it so much
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