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Description

My life has been a ballad of loss and an anthem of pain,
My ballad commands that I surrender my white flag,
The anthem I live with condems my fate to misfortune.

The Waltz I have chosen to walk is treading between the ballad and anthems of others’ preachings,
My Waltz is a collection of ballads and anthems,
it is a symphony of cacophany about struggle and what broke me down.
The life I trekked orchestrated from the start to challenge what was authority,
taught to survive and forgetting how to live a life I would cherish.
I was taught everything fell on my shoulders and I had to be responsible for others’ safety.

What a lie a believed.
The sheer truth is rings in my ears.
My Waltz was walking on egg shells the entire life I failed to have, trying to be there for others.
How was I to be there for others when I was not able to be there for myself.
That is a truth I have had a hard time swallowing and learning to live up to.

I suffer from the guilt of finally learning my worth.
It hurts so deeply and makes me doubt my actions and decisions.
It all the way to my departure from this world, made me believe I was complacent.
I honestly learned and was beaten to be that way,
I was too afraid to act out because I learned to value my life more than I used to.
It’s a dagger with two blades and no hilt.
No matter how it was held I would be cut by it.
I lash out, I am maimed.
My complacency got me abused and dehumanized.

In life everything is truly a dagger of two blades,
you just don’t always know when you have cut yourself.
The hilt and handle we believe is another’s hand and not our own.
I am both grateful for what I learned at the final days I lived.
And I am burdened with the regrets and those I failed to keep promise to.

I understand that I have a chance to fix these wrongs, though I debate my worth again and again.
How much is my life worth and how much are others’ lives worth.
I have always put others first till recently, and even then.
My end view point was I had to protect myself so I could protect others later in the line of life.

I question and debate with myself daily on this.
Am I still beating the condition of it’s my responsibility?
Am I doing the right thing, putting my immediate life first for a change?
Am I justified to question helping others anymore?
Am I in the wrong to successfully keep myself alive and die in the end of the line?
Am I forgiven for those I left to save myself?
Did I do enough?

Last I understood of my life, I was the embodiment of a failure, nothing was enough.
I began to think I was worth nothing, my self reflection pushed me away from others.
So many got in front of me to remind me my worth, yet I could see myself and that only.
I want to fix the broken bonds with them I have made.
I cannot say I know how, though I know I need to try.
I need to try regardless of my outcome, and live with the result, good or bad.

My Waltz is that walking in the second step of the three lines, ommitting the fourth as it is the line of death.
Present day, I rest outside the waltz, on the forbidden fourth of thirds.
It took being outside looking in to realize where I need to be.
Friends I abandoned need my help.
If they are damned to eternal pain, least I can do is be there with them.
I put them there, I can at least stand infront of them one last time.

I wonder if my Waltz was really the fourth of thirds,
of that is the ballad and anthem I was meant to walk.
I’ve always walked close to death, and close to life, meandering between.
My paths are scarred and broken, though I am finding my path.
That’s what matters, forging my path, and making it my own, not complacing to a set fate.

I know all well I have angered and faulted God’s,
I have angered and wronged innocent.
I have protect and freed the guilty.
I live as the guilty of my crimes and wrongs.
I have died as the guilt of my wrongs and crimes.
Even in death, my pain still live with me.

I doubt it will ever leave or heal truly, though that is okay with me.
I’m trying to improve, and hope I am able to see it through.
The frist step was writing this down.
Step two is to get up and make a it reality.
If it is to be my Waltz, anthem, ballad, symphony.
Even if it others’, it won’t come to fruition without trying.
I know this is putting others first again.

That is who I am, and I have accepted this at this time.
It’s hard and it hurts being unseen for my motives.
I don’t need the justification of another, I relied too much on it.
If I want to make amends, I have to be the one to start the process of it.
It’s up to the others’ to accept it or not, and I will walk with the conclusion, good or not.

I hope this is my only entry in the afterlife.

Description

My life has been a ballad of loss and an anthem of pain,
My ballad commands that I surrender my white flag,
The anthem I live with condems my fate to misfortune.

The Waltz I have chosen to walk is treading between the ballad and anthems of others’ preachings,
My Waltz is a collection of ballads and anthems,
it is a symphony of cacophany about struggle and what broke me down.
The life I trekked orchestrated from the start to challenge what was authority,
taught to survive and forgetting how to live a life I would cherish.
I was taught everything fell on my shoulders and I had to be responsible for others’ safety.

What a lie a believed.
The sheer truth is rings in my ears.
My Waltz was walking on egg shells the entire life I failed to have, trying to be there for others.
How was I to be there for others when I was not able to be there for myself.
That is a truth I have had a hard time swallowing and learning to live up to.

I suffer from the guilt of finally learning my worth.
It hurts so deeply and makes me doubt my actions and decisions.
It all the way to my departure from this world, made me believe I was complacent.
I honestly learned and was beaten to be that way,
I was too afraid to act out because I learned to value my life more than I used to.
It’s a dagger with two blades and no hilt.
No matter how it was held I would be cut by it.
I lash out, I am maimed.
My complacency got me abused and dehumanized.

In life everything is truly a dagger of two blades,
you just don’t always know when you have cut yourself.
The hilt and handle we believe is another’s hand and not our own.
I am both grateful for what I learned at the final days I lived.
And I am burdened with the regrets and those I failed to keep promise to.

I understand that I have a chance to fix these wrongs, though I debate my worth again and again.
How much is my life worth and how much are others’ lives worth.
I have always put others first till recently, and even then.
My end view point was I had to protect myself so I could protect others later in the line of life.

I question and debate with myself daily on this.
Am I still beating the condition of it’s my responsibility?
Am I doing the right thing, putting my immediate life first for a change?
Am I justified to question helping others anymore?
Am I in the wrong to successfully keep myself alive and die in the end of the line?
Am I forgiven for those I left to save myself?
Did I do enough?

Last I understood of my life, I was the embodiment of a failure, nothing was enough.
I began to think I was worth nothing, my self reflection pushed me away from others.
So many got in front of me to remind me my worth, yet I could see myself and that only.
I want to fix the broken bonds with them I have made.
I cannot say I know how, though I know I need to try.
I need to try regardless of my outcome, and live with the result, good or bad.

My Waltz is that walking in the second step of the three lines, ommitting the fourth as it is the line of death.
Present day, I rest outside the waltz, on the forbidden fourth of thirds.
It took being outside looking in to realize where I need to be.
Friends I abandoned need my help.
If they are damned to eternal pain, least I can do is be there with them.
I put them there, I can at least stand infront of them one last time.

I wonder if my Waltz was really the fourth of thirds,
of that is the ballad and anthem I was meant to walk.
I’ve always walked close to death, and close to life, meandering between.
My paths are scarred and broken, though I am finding my path.
That’s what matters, forging my path, and making it my own, not complacing to a set fate.

I know all well I have angered and faulted God’s,
I have angered and wronged innocent.
I have protect and freed the guilty.
I live as the guilty of my crimes and wrongs.
I have died as the guilt of my wrongs and crimes.
Even in death, my pain still live with me.

I doubt it will ever leave or heal truly, though that is okay with me.
I’m trying to improve, and hope I am able to see it through.
The frist step was writing this down.
Step two is to get up and make a it reality.
If it is to be my Waltz, anthem, ballad, symphony.
Even if it others’, it won’t come to fruition without trying.
I know this is putting others first again.

That is who I am, and I have accepted this at this time.
It’s hard and it hurts being unseen for my motives.
I don’t need the justification of another, I relied too much on it.
If I want to make amends, I have to be the one to start the process of it.
It’s up to the others’ to accept it or not, and I will walk with the conclusion, good or not.

I hope this is my only entry in the afterlife.