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fireseraphim In reply to DeadSomething [2006-05-15 17:18:15 +0000 UTC]

Ah, yes, I know that. But for the sake of art it looked better with the shuriken on the outside of his wrist. That, and I was terrible with hands so I just couldnt draw it better. It is true that you'd have to slice along the length in order to spill too much blood. On the other hand, between the bones of the lower arm is a gap with tissue that can be easily sliced and as long as a knife goes deep enough there you can very well commit suicide that way as well. Not the nicest way, but it can be done. But for purely wrist matters, of course you should be on the other side.

Contrary to what you thought, I'm quite schooled in medical matters and I've been a long time scarificator. Sole reason of me being alive is because I know where to cut instead of just slicing up where I feel like it

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DeadSomething In reply to fireseraphim [2006-05-15 20:04:53 +0000 UTC]

good to hear you are clean.
i havent cut for almost 6 months (but had some relapses with scratches as result - the knife wasnt sharp).
i feel forced to cut again very often, but i know how far it went and dont want to fall into this again.
one time i went mad and cut across my arm two slashes saying "fucking Bitch" (one slice each word) and i were shocked as i saw how deep it was gone... 6mm and it had to be sewed
i hate these scars, because they always remind me on that woman.
but i should stop flooding your comments now

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fireseraphim In reply to DeadSomething [2006-05-18 00:37:26 +0000 UTC]

Oh, don't worry, I don't mind at all. In fact, there are little people that I can talk about when it comes to matters like these.
Right now, I'm clean yes. But thats mostly due to a promise I gave to my best friend. He once tried to commit suicide and he has the scars still there. He was shocked when he found out what I did, although he did expect it. He lived with me doing that for almost a year untill he told me he couldnt stand it that a person he loved did that. So, I promised I wouldnt do it anymore.
I'm probably particularly strange in this since I started doing it out of art. I like the texture of the scars and I like the patterns I could carve into my arms and legs, putting more focus on the way the skin and muscles moved. I saw them as some sort of short-term tattoos, as well as a relief to the stress and pain I felt. I made beautiful scars, and I miss them sometimes. Heh, like the dragonfly on my upper arm, or the two seals that I made into my lower legs. Some still show, a year later, but most are gone. Probably better too, since I had about 84 on my right hand and wrist alone at one point.
Of course I still get the urge sometimes and I always carry a knive with me, but I dont do it because of that promise. I'm clean alright, but it's still tempting.

But 6mm is too deep, aye. Stitches are even worse, they leave the ugliest of marks.. Impulse ways of carving words into you are not always good I reckon, since they leave memories you don't want, like you said. Instead, I tried to create, and not wound. Heh, to put a wrong thing in a right light, I reset painfull moments and painful memories into images that I liked. Still, cutting isn't the right method, and I often damned myself for doing it because I'd rather be tough and suffer through all of it. But that's me, I dont know how you work

Heh, see? I even spam more than you do! Sorry about that, I'll be off your back then.

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DeadSomething In reply to fireseraphim [2006-05-18 17:06:59 +0000 UTC]

i couldnt cut beautiful things into me, nor could i cut words.
i would have relapsed so many times, if i hadnt promised a good friend not to cut.
she would be really angry, if i did, cause i know, i could tell her everything.
i dont want to make her angry and i dont want to make her worry about me :/
there's always a knife in my pocket, and a razorblade in my wallet.

6mm yes in didnt care how i did. i just hit my arm with the knife (these days all my knifes were nearly as sharp as a razorblade - i could have a shave with them)
the cut went into the fatty tissue and scratched the muscle. the skin slipped to the sides, so the wound was 15mm width. it was really ugly
at these scars there is a pale, thin skin now. its 3mm in width and 5cm in length.
sometimes i think "this body is only a machine and it doesnt matter what i do to it.", but if i would do what i think about then wouldnt fit into SI or suicidality, it would be selfmutilation...
and i know i would really regret that.
i always held on on my own, because i lost my trust very early :/
i think only those understand my problems, who had nearly the same experiences...
so i try to find them, to help each other...
noone can solve my problems, neither can i.
but it makes it easier to hold on a little bit longer...

its not spamming thanks for your answer

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fireseraphim In reply to nightswirlyoukai [2004-02-22 20:38:28 +0000 UTC]

*squeel* yaaay!! Me loves him! <3 and i like my guys covered in blood ^_^ *purr* ne.. i got a wallpaper made of him and this drawing.. should i put it up?

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nightswirlyoukai In reply to fireseraphim [2004-02-22 20:51:35 +0000 UTC]

yeah! and would you be willing to try my request again? I have a color version of the pic I showed you before...

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fireseraphim In reply to nightswirlyoukai [2004-02-22 20:56:17 +0000 UTC]

i'm working on it! *points at her journal* i almost got it done! I've tried coloring it, but i cant seem to find the right combo. Anyways,'no worries, it'll be finished within this week ^_^. Just need to get the colors right now and i want something you'll really like <3

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fireseraphim In reply to welsh-dragoon [2004-02-22 20:39:49 +0000 UTC]

*blush* thanks! I really had a lot of trouble with the right color.. *grins* I had him covered in blood originally... *as in.. totally smeared with the stuff* but i licked it off X3

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fireseraphim In reply to NightNea [2004-02-22 20:35:10 +0000 UTC]

^0^ thankies!! You should see it! Its got so much humor in it and the way its animated... damn! Not quite like most anime's, a lot more action. I'd almost say they have matrix-like moves in it.. but dont get confused, its no where near the matrix. But certainly is cool! If ya want the link to the manga downloads, i'll give it! The manga itself is very awesome too!

<3 *runs off to get her sasuke cosplay costume design right*

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NightNea In reply to fireseraphim [2004-02-22 21:06:58 +0000 UTC]

I belive ya! And....*Wanna have the links*
I'm getting way too curious about Naruto now!

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fireseraphim In reply to koonelli [2004-02-22 20:40:32 +0000 UTC]

thanks! guess this was the first time my blood actually looked like blood...

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fireseraphim In reply to sererena [2004-02-22 20:29:52 +0000 UTC]

Thanks ^_^. I'm a lightengineer and i suck at lightsources, how low can i get..>_> But at least its diffirent from the standard stuff i usually have..
As for the medium, partially PS7 and OC3. *thinks* hm... yeah.. i think its about 50/50 here.. I hate coloring in PS, but its easier to get the cell-like shading in it. But the wounds and all is all OC. *nod* i know i could have used just PS but thats just the way i work..

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