HOME | DD
Fooled — Untitled13
Published: 2005-11-22 22:37:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 168; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 5
Redirect to original
Description
As they all doSo did you
And so did I
I told a lie
You spoke of things
As the crow it sings
(false)
But your words
Ring clearly absurd
For every soul
Above your hole
I feel for thou
And I state it now
Yet you weep
And it hurts down deep
Deep, where no light shines
Down, where darkness reigns
Where thoughts becomes obsession
And obsession becomes depression
Comments: 27
wow, have you met me?
the last stanza is so.... it's just like you're in my brain.
which is creepy; get out.
haha
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
haha, who knows
I'm sorry for the matter with your brain, you see I don't have that much inspiration on my own...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
this is sad yet sweet.
have you wronged her in the past?
i like the rhythm of it. it changes a little in the end but not drastically.
good job!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Wow. Very deep. I like the structure and rhyme. Great peice.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
wow! I also have to say the rhyming couplets are great and makes it flow very well, this is very well done, and im iimpressed seeing as how i typically don't like poetry and prose!
Jake
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thank you, good that it impressed you
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
i don't know much about poems, but its a great read. belongs in my high school poetry books
keep up the good work
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I don't know, but there is something in the third stanza(SP forgive me on that) that I do not seem to be comprehending right... I think that it either needs to be re-worded, or that it needs to be switched around just a little bit so that way it makes more sence...
Hope that helps^^
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
hmm I'll look in to it, but when you mention it I remember that I wasn't particulary pleased with that part.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Beautiful poem, although in the second part there's a subject-verb agreement problem: "words rings." Other than that, this is very good.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thanks, both for nice words and pointing out the error, helps me getting 'em better!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Poems are not my expertise, but I really like this one. It has a pretty deep meaning. Nice job!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I love how you repeat words..it makes the poem flow very nicely, I love it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
This poem is quite well written, i like how the rhyming couplets let it flow. I would like to pick up on these though -shines & reigns- These dont rhyme, unless with your accent it does. the reign sounds like rain not rine. However i would like to complement everything else. Well done xD
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
thank you.
I know they don't rhyme perfectly but twas the best I could come up with without losing the meaning of it so..
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
wow this is great prose- I like th set up as well as the theme quite powerful...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1