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Published: 2004-02-26 03:18:31 +0000 UTC; Views: 195; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 33
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Description
Though words held definitions: none, they could not cease to speak.For in their tainted discernment, their wits were proven bleak.
So, shamefully, she aimed to fail,
To clear their sights of poisoned ale.
Façades could hide the drowning wail,
But brittleness, they would impale.
Uncomplicated words reveal the falsities within their core.
The adoration lost itself along the way outside her door.
Foreseeable, became her fall.
Indifferences could not enthrall;
Classifications standing tall,
Just like the writing on the wall.
Her sight had burned their retinas; and loathing scorched a bruise so creased.
An observation of the prey had proven unfelt warmth deceased.
How do the starving young consume,
Inside the breathless, heartless womb?
How can they carry on and bloom,
When “dog eat dog” creates their tomb?
Kindhearted nausea floods the scene. Who’ll sense a weak atrocity?
Can they neglect their routine acts and loosen up in ennui?
She shut her eyes, they closed their mind,
And used the only thread they’d find,
To stitch her heart into a bind,
And seal her soul not to remind.
Too difficult to understand, they cried within their own embrace.
It was, too, such a rabbit plan; how could they lose the turtle race?
Before her voice had lost its hum,
She sat and counted one by one,
The villains in her tale, lonesome,
Too fraught to sing of ties undone.
Forgiven, smothered, foolish keys had placed themselves inside the chest,
And stretching for the soothing gorge, they perceived under house arrest.
She rests upon the tattered pile,
The throne she’ll own a little while.
And as she dies she’ll write on file,
“How cliché it’s become to smile.”
© Sylwia Wielgosz 2004.
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Comments: 14
pandachan [2004-02-29 01:34:29 +0000 UTC]
I love the flow of this poem , It makes me think of things that have been going on in my life ,and this is the line that truly captivated me into really looking at the poem. "Her sight had burned their retinas; and loathing scorched a bruise so creased"
Its beautiful. I'm glad to see you've begun posting again.
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fragilefacade In reply to pandachan [2004-02-29 02:03:57 +0000 UTC]
Thank you. I'm glad you liked it.
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voices [2004-02-26 13:25:28 +0000 UTC]
i was wondering where you where, you havent posted anything for ages, but it was well worth the wait
i thought thr subject matter was brillant, you gave us a clue with the intro but it still had reader particpation in it, i still had to think about it,
i have a feeling you spent on ages on this, the structure was very good, and not once did you break it, so extra speical kudos on that
i thought the rhyme was also done with intent and purpose and not just strung together coz u had too,
what i was most impressed about tho was the story, ive read the poem about 6times now, and i thought it was brillant, i keep getting something new out the poem everytime i read it, and i really like poems that do that,
the poem also had a very majestic feel, now i use this term a lot, it means you decribe thing with an air of gradness for example the womb stanza, now i love stuff like that, i cant do it my self, i am by defination an abstract/minimal writer so i really think its good when people get the majesty in their writing
i cant remember how long ive been watching ur writing, seems like an age, but ive seen a really cool developnement, someone willing to mess about, try out new things, as far as im concerd thats brillant, not because we get great poems, because i think people owe it to them selves to try new things, to try expand their horzions,
sorry bit of rant, but then again isnt that what us writers do?
+fav
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fragilefacade In reply to voices [2004-02-27 03:20:20 +0000 UTC]
I justed signed on to take the poem down, starting to hate it immensely and then I get this comment!
I didn't think anyone would really notice is I ceased appearing. Truth be told, I had nothing but the same thoughts in my head and I couldn't write anything new. So when this poem came into my head, it made me feel like I hadn't been dwelling.
I'd really like to know what you've gotten from the poem; which messages you've found those six times?
I can't begin to tell you how good your complementing (or critiquing? Though it sounds too good to be critique) that makes me feel as a person and a writer.
I love rants, by the way.
And thank you.
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metalmistress [2004-02-26 04:15:08 +0000 UTC]
you're just another victim!
you're just another victim, kid!
lol sorry..this song came into my mind after reading this.
dont hate me because its umm house of pain i think
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fragilefacade In reply to metalmistress [2004-02-27 03:13:13 +0000 UTC]
It made you think something, which is all that matters.
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fragilefacade In reply to blameshiori [2004-02-26 03:32:33 +0000 UTC]
C'mon; tell me something, anything! Feelings? Thoughts? Analysis?
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blameshiori In reply to fragilefacade [2004-02-26 03:33:14 +0000 UTC]
I like it.
I'm bad at telling you how I feel. Um...
;-;
WAHHHHHHHHHHH... *runs away crying*
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fragilefacade In reply to blameshiori [2004-02-26 03:36:04 +0000 UTC]
You should try. Poetry is more than just somebodys' percpective of something. The tone of it is supposed to give you your own personal image. The crying and running away is sort of hinting that you're frail.
Understanding yourself is the first step.
(Don't I sound like I just got from therapy?)
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blameshiori In reply to fragilefacade [2004-02-26 03:54:47 +0000 UTC]
*pat pat* I LOVE YOU~
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