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fragilefacade — Infected Perfection
Published: 2003-11-08 23:42:57 +0000 UTC; Views: 104; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 16
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Description
You held her like she wanted.You left as if on cue.
You took away the pleasure.
The pain was nothing new.
You dishonored her body.
You modified her mind.
You searched for the forbidden,
And ruined what you’d find.
She hugged the pillow closely.
She couldn’t stand the skin.
It rubbed against her markings,
To tease the veins within.
You forced her to remember,
What never had been true.
Her sanctity has vanished;
She left her core in you.
She’s safe inside the uproar.
The crowd hides what she’s faced.
She’s scared of destined silence.
She’s scared of how it tastes.
A rose is just as sweet,
As what it’s thorns can do.
For each regretted teardrop,
She’d shed a darker hue.
© Sylwia Wielgosz 2003.
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Comments: 27
She left her core in you.
yes. yes, yes, yes. that is a heavy line. great poetry.
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I think it was 'she left her core in you' that mostly seemed that way.
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Another powerful piece. You have an amazing talent! To me, this was about a girl going farther than she intended to with a guy, and that guy accidentally getting hung up on said girl. Wonderful work...I'm so putting you on my devwatch now.
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Thank you! ^^ What part made you feel the guy was getting hung up on her? Just out of curiosity.
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you know what... it is insane how it seems like you just wrote about my childhood and then recent suffering.. crazy! you are a genius and you never cease to amaze me with your words!
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Thank you. It was fun getting inside your head.
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if i had to guess id say its about something that the girl experienced prephaps in the past, or for the first time with 'you' and the general confused and pained state of her pain afterwards. i think this is great, the flow is wonderful, but on this line What had never been true. i think that it would read better "what never had been true", i think it keeps more with the general amazing flow of this poem. but thats only a tiny tiny thing. wonderful work
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I adore your suggestion and agree completely. Thank you for the comment, and yes, you understood what I was going for.
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glad to be of service *salute*
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you get more and more amazing every day. "you make me sad."
i guess im in denial, huh?
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You took the words right out of my mouth!
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hiya syl....
aww this is another great poem...
flow-wise
You forced her to remember,
What had never been true.
Her sanctity has vanished;
She left her core in you.
nice, real nice one ...
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Hi! I was wondering where you went!
Thank you. Yeah. It seams the flow of the poem is the only thing people ever notice. But, yeah, thanks for the comments, Sweetheart.
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awesome flow! yes... i think it's about a girl and regret with things the guy made her do ? yes? good writing.
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you're very welcome!
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She hugged the pillow closely.
She couldn’t stand the skin.
It rubbed against her markings,
To tease the veins within.
A rose is just as sweet,
As what it’s thorns can do.
For each regretted teardrop,
She’d shed a darker hue.
both such powerful stanzas.
i relate to this poem all too much.
especially the lines:
She’s scared of how it tastes.
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Thank you for the comment. I'm sorry that you can relate to this but at the same time I'm glad it can be realistic. I hope that doesn't make me a bad person. lol. Yes! That was actually my favorite line, as well. Thank you, again.
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very nice stuff the flowness of the poem is amazing good work!
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first of all ive got give some credit for the flow of the poem, its just rolled out, i havent a poem on DA which such a good flow for ageeeees!!
i thought the poem was about a losing of inoncence of a girl, by a man and the aftermath of it, which i thought you described pretty well
i did the ending kinda dragged it down, but the stanza's before it were amazing.
thanks for sharing!
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Thank you! Yeah, that was basically what I was going for. The last two stanza's were in the beginning but I just couldn't find the right place for them because one didn't seam to fit (because of the tenses) and the shakespearian line was what gave birth to the poem. Yeah. Thanks for the comment; highly appreciated.
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