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fragilefacade — Obscene Obsession
Published: 2003-08-23 00:28:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 198; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 10
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Description Older sister, wipe my brow.
Tell me it is over now.
Tell me in your heart I’ll stay.
Not just for now. For every day.

Older sister, wipe my lid.
Please forgive for what I did.
I had not meant to tear your dress.
I just wanted to look like you.

Older sister, wipe these stains.
Free me of these wicked chains.
I’ll be good, I promise you.
I’ll do exactly what you do.

Older sister, wipe this mark.
Turn the light on when it’s dark.
Hold my hand across the street.
So that I don’t get lost like last time.

Older sister, wipe the floor.
You’ve made it messy, like before.
I told you not to yell so loud.
Your face is dirty. Crimson cloud.

Older sister, wipe my hand.
It’s filthy now. You understand.
I’m glad I’m just like you now.
An enhanced, amended version.

Older sister, do not cry.
Do not think this is goodbye.
They will not hurt as you have said.
I have your life. The life you dread.

Older sister. Miss you so.
If you could only hear my woe.
I did not know how hard it was.
But here I lie your flowers.

© Sylwia Wielgosz 2003
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[ TEXT ]


fragilefacade - The Eighth Of March
Comments: 37

dispositioned [2003-10-04 19:44:13 +0000 UTC]

The flow and rhythm were excellent. And I loved the idea of a little sister looking up to her older sister. I do have a comment though, and it is with this line:

So that I don’t get lost like last time

I think that this could be altered a little bit to say the same thing, only better. It kinda threw my rhythm off as I read it. Just a suggestion though. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

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fragilefacade In reply to dispositioned [2003-10-05 00:38:45 +0000 UTC]

Thank you for the suggestion, the luck and the comment altogether. : ) I'll think about the alteration.

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ck10n3 [2003-10-03 02:11:59 +0000 UTC]

terrific idea, love it

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fragilefacade In reply to ck10n3 [2003-10-03 16:32:05 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! ^^

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greendragon [2003-09-28 15:09:55 +0000 UTC]

thats a wonderful piece of poetry! what a wonderful idea! excellent work

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fragilefacade In reply to greendragon [2003-09-28 20:58:45 +0000 UTC]

Thank you! ^^

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acidangel [2003-09-13 01:42:22 +0000 UTC]

Syl even.

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fragilefacade In reply to acidangel [2003-09-13 23:26:58 +0000 UTC]

That's mah name.

I'm glad you're back! I was wondering what happened to you.

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acidangel [2003-09-13 01:41:41 +0000 UTC]

Hey Cyl, I'm back to check you once again. Nice work girl. Keep it up.

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theinquisitions [2003-08-27 00:17:41 +0000 UTC]

i wonder which friend......(see...im wondering!)


Elegence and beauty find's it's true meaning in your words

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fragilefacade In reply to theinquisitions [2003-08-27 00:19:12 +0000 UTC]

Thanksthanksthanks. (You know her. I speak of her often. Not Audrey and not Lisa. lol. If you still can't guess her than you don't know anything about me and you're stupid and I hate you.)

(Kidding, of course.)

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theinquisitions In reply to fragilefacade [2003-08-27 00:23:04 +0000 UTC]

suresuresure
hehe thats a J.V. quote. "if you dont know then your stupid and i hate you:

lol im pretty sure i knew from the beginning but just wanted to make sure.

and the legendary convo end,

(do you have any idea how sick of him you'll get wioth each new comment? you will wish i never looked trhough the emoticon legend they shall plague and torture you! they shall writhe and....im done now)

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fragilefacade In reply to theinquisitions [2003-08-27 00:30:09 +0000 UTC]

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theinquisitions In reply to fragilefacade [2003-08-27 00:33:26 +0000 UTC]

----> ??

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fragilefacade In reply to theinquisitions [2003-08-27 00:34:39 +0000 UTC]

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theinquisitions In reply to fragilefacade [2003-08-27 00:35:52 +0000 UTC]

::looks sadely at feet:: lets have sex.

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fragilefacade In reply to theinquisitions [2003-08-27 00:37:47 +0000 UTC]

Katie! Not in front of the kids ...

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theinquisitions In reply to fragilefacade [2003-08-27 00:46:17 +0000 UTC]

come on! they walked in on us before!

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theinquisitions [2003-08-27 00:13:49 +0000 UTC]

wait wait...i read description...i am not fully aware.....lol sorry

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fragilefacade In reply to theinquisitions [2003-08-27 00:16:23 +0000 UTC]

YOUR SANTA DISTURBS ME!!!!!!!!

See the exclamations and caps? That means I'm typing loud. See? Clever, huh?

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theinquisitions In reply to fragilefacade [2003-08-27 00:18:34 +0000 UTC]

then the santa has served its true purpose!! can he be the cult icon?! please?!

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fragilefacade In reply to theinquisitions [2003-08-27 00:19:43 +0000 UTC]

... ::sigh:: Fine. As long as I get to have sex with him.

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theinquisitions In reply to fragilefacade [2003-08-27 00:26:00 +0000 UTC]

YES! he shall reign over the radio active rubber pants! the pants command us all!

<-----the exalted one (said in creepy whisper to add dramatic effect!)

yes! as "she who shall not be named" you are granted sexual privilages to him...can i join in once in a while..i mean look at him! i want to have my way with him.....

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theinquisitions [2003-08-27 00:12:52 +0000 UTC]

You never cease to amaze me.

Never.

I
"Older sister, wipe these stains.
Free me of these wicked chains."

Inspired by?

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pandachan [2003-08-23 22:57:35 +0000 UTC]

This is a really great piece of writing! its got a great piece of rhythm and the use of[ i guess ] symbolism used,is amazing.

from me to you

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fragilefacade In reply to pandachan [2003-08-23 22:58:41 +0000 UTC]

Awesome! Thank you.

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shatteredone [2003-08-23 17:36:41 +0000 UTC]

of course this is amazing as usual.. nice idea too!!

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fragilefacade In reply to shatteredone [2003-08-23 17:40:07 +0000 UTC]

Thanks.

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niminitzar [2003-08-23 01:35:51 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the 'long' description it allows the reader understand better which is always nice... I wish all poems had good descriptions... come to think of it... I wish mind did too

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fragilefacade In reply to niminitzar [2003-08-23 02:38:45 +0000 UTC]

Awe, don't let my annoyingly long descriptives get you down! It's all about the poetry itself, letting the reader get in touch with the emotion and creating an explanation themselves. At least in my opinion, of course, and I am surely no expert. That's how poetry can speak to us on so many levels. I love analyzing things into my own perspective. I'd be sort of disappointed if I found out I was wrong. Hm. See? So everything has an upside as well as a downside. Either way is a good way, because the poem itself is more important than what leads up to the poem. And 'sides, sometimes readers like to be left thinking. Cheer up, 'kay?

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niminitzar In reply to fragilefacade [2003-08-23 03:28:02 +0000 UTC]

haha my Friend! I was not being sarcastic... I don't know if there is a way for you to search but read my comments around DA haha I don't say anything unless I mean it. I really appreciated your description and I wish I would put that time in myself. Congrats on a good poem, made it more worth while because of the description. Didn't mean to offend you, I was being serious. Thanks.

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fragilefacade In reply to niminitzar [2003-08-23 03:31:50 +0000 UTC]

Oh, don't worry. I wasn't offended. (I come off like that because I'm a bitch. lol!) Thanks for the comment. And stuff. You get some pie. ::give::

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poet-of-da-north [2003-08-23 00:50:17 +0000 UTC]

wow ;_; that so pretty! the love the word choice

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fragilefacade In reply to poet-of-da-north [2003-08-23 00:52:56 +0000 UTC]

Gracias. I like words. ::gives you a box of words::

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poet-of-da-north In reply to fragilefacade [2003-08-23 00:57:57 +0000 UTC]

thanks i love words! *hugs the box* <3

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auddwaggin [2003-08-23 00:48:28 +0000 UTC]

This is so very piquing. I love the rhythm

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fragilefacade In reply to auddwaggin [2003-08-23 00:52:14 +0000 UTC]

Thanks. =\

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