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fragilefacade — Unsolicited Desire
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Published: 2004-03-14 00:06:50 +0000 UTC; Views: 145; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 5
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Description
I lie intoxicated, basking in the moonlight,Drowning out the uproar with music undefined.
You’re gorgeousness surrounded by malevolent intentions.
I toss and turn one question as it wanders through my mind.
Am I the child?
Though blind by your infection, I hear your slimy stroke,
But inevitable shame consumes wretched application.
You’re the melted chocolate running down my fingertips.
I cannot disregard every tweak I’ve failed to craft.
What lesson have you left to teach?
I lie damaged, benefiting from disaster,
Wondering if existence is unimportant faith.
You’re malice with revulsion in the fancy you convey.
I undergo an agonizing turmoil as the question floods my thoughts.
Light the candles or scorch me with the wax?
Though numbing ever-slowly, the nerves connect intensely,
Weeping in my chocolate-covered palms.
You’re God and you’re The Devil biting through my inexperience.
I have lost attentiveness and the unconscious state.
How much more of my heart belongs on your shelf?
© Sylwia Wielgosz 2004.
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Comments: 8
the description you gave a big part of it away of to what the poem was going to be like, i remember telling u that a loooooooong time ago people used to leave this comment on my own work "yeah man would make a great NiN song" i was left confused and beliewerd coz i had no idea who the fuck they were, i also remember telling u that, being compared to NiN was a good thing, in terms of image
For me this didnt click, the images seemed clusmy like you were trying to sound "dirty" just for the hell of it, ii found the subject matter to boreder on too much on the angsty side too. I know you appericate comments which help your developnemtn as a writer, and thats all im doing, this one just didnt work for me, but then again im not really part of the entire "gothy" scene anymore, i listen to pretty much everything these days so maybe thats why i didnt get it.
man thats long, but i hope it helped.
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I guess it helps in a very putting me down kind of way. Without really putting me down.
I'd like to think the fact that I listen to Nine Inch Nails or whether or not I am "gothy" doesn't have any impact on my writing. I used Perfect Drug in my description because the same theme of the song was what my poem was about.
For the first time, I didn't really include sex into it, which is strange that you thought it was an attempt at being dirty. I guess the words could translate that way, though. I'll be more careful with words.
Calling something of mine angsty is probably the largest insult I could get for my writing, which means I have some serious work to do.
Thank you for the honesty.
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i love the chocolate line! 
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Thank you. I try?
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Though blind by your infection, I hear your slimy stroke,
But inevitable shame consumes wretched application.
vivid imagery in this piece.
what's with the chocolate?
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Chocolate is something sweet and soothing but also fattening and unhealthy.
Melted chocolate is a shame because it takes away from the flavor.
Holding tightly onto something make it warm, or even forces it to melt.
<3
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