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fragilemacabre — alcoholic
Published: 2005-10-26 04:31:40 +0000 UTC; Views: 251; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 8
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Description
"there's a hint i should be taking"i say, just get on with this heartbreaking.
these scenes from the play we wrote
have had the curtains dropped right on cue.
you'll drink to your disappointments,
list the ways you've done me wrong,
listen to the record skip
and have another sip
of whisky or permanent ink
of turpentine or wine
don't fool yourself with talk of being numb,
it's the hangover you're after
and all this bitter laughter
just goes to show you how far you'll go
for any kind of life at all.
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Comments: 16
I really liked this poem. It appeared to me at an appropriate time. Infact your style of poetry is really great. It's got a sense of style I enjoy.
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I dislike this, sorry, I just do. Not the structure, just the lack of universalality of it. Very, unrelatable, at least to me. And, a good poet can write something that is so blank, it's intrepretable, but this is just like a foot note to your life.
Sorry; just needed to say it,
Brian
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It's relatable to a bunch of people I know. Particularly the boy it's about, who read it and didn't even know I wrote it. It's about people who drink for the wrong reasons, and the destruction they bring themselves and the people they come in contact with.
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I think you're right in that it's "relatable." I can relate to it and I don't even drink. And the idea that a good poet writes something "blank" is very strange to me. Whatever.
The last stanza is something like perfection, but somehow my eye has a problem with the first two lines of the poem, and "permanent ink." I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I think that initial rhyme and wording makes heartbreaking sound not very harsh at all.
But everything else is golden.
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This is my favorite thing so far that you've written. I'd like to hear it at a future Open Mic.
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You shall. It's also the ONLY decent thing I've written since the last open mic.
And thanks.
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Mm, I love bitter writings. It's unforunate when people over-exhaust the idea but pieces like this are refreshing to read.
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"When people over-exhaust the idea."
I have 597 deviations. Most of those are poetry. On the exact same topic. It's rather pathetic and saddening, but I'm too lazy to hide my gallery.
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I don't mean so much in quanity but quality. There are far too many people who drone on about how mad and pissed off they are, completely ignoring the fact that they are writing a poem and not a declaration of bitchery. I'm all for sarcasm and bitterness, but a sense of creativity needs to be present. From what I've read, you have such talent. It's not pathetic, it's just your style. Or at least that's what I think.
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I love it except for the first three lines. They seem out of place, a foreword to a beautiful novel tacked on by a lesser author.
-Jesse
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You make me smile.
Yeah, the beginning bugs me, too.
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marvellous
so cynical, "and all this bitter laughter"
i love : "these scenes from the play we wrote/have had the curtains dropped right on cue"
i can relate. a lot.
nice one (glad to see you're still writing, i've started again too after a while of NOTHINGNESS)
A
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It's not as if I expect a monsoon after this eight-month drought... but you never know. My now-ex inspired this one.
Can't wait to see what YOU've put out.
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check my page, i've uploaded more writing that i've used on my new ID, check it out 
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