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fragilemacabre — laconic
Published: 2005-08-21 21:18:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 118; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description busy playing dress-up in street clothes
with a strand of gluepaste pearls,
and the sky's darker than it should be
seven p.m. monday night in august;

i say what you want to hear:

let's stop this before it goes further;
i don't want you as a backseat lover.
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fragilemacabre - palmistry
Comments: 6

fautedemieux [2005-09-01 02:28:54 +0000 UTC]

I really love this one, it gets me...somewhere, im not sure where. The wording is awsome! Short and sweet and beautiful.

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Dirk-Cjeli [2005-08-25 05:40:22 +0000 UTC]

Well, you have a voice.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

fragilemacabre In reply to Dirk-Cjeli [2005-08-25 18:46:15 +0000 UTC]

I have a voice?

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car1ita [2005-08-24 03:12:25 +0000 UTC]

The tone stood out well, especially for a "come back" poem.

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diamondie [2005-08-22 14:04:12 +0000 UTC]

You've got the imagery and the atmosphere pretty much right here, but something in the poem just bothers me a lot. The ending is very abrupt and it's like the poem is completely lacking progress or that it could even be progressing backwards - it almost makes more sense if I read it from the ending, one line at a time. You'd need more flow here, the lines should feel more connected.

Anyway, good to see your writing again. I think that being newly in love has a tendency to mess with both the quality and quantity of writing, but it will come back.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

fragilemacabre In reply to diamondie [2005-08-22 14:42:46 +0000 UTC]

I dunno. It's not simply the new in love-ness, but I'm generally happier at the moment, and my favourite work is not that of sorrow but of joy. So we'll see.

Thanks for the feedback, I'll be sure to look at this soon.

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