TRmUsicTH [2009-12-01 16:27:44 +0000 UTC]

I realized I favorite-d this and never commented. I really enjoy this poem, and your work truly inspires me.

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foomin231 [2009-09-19 05:55:45 +0000 UTC]

whenever i read this, i picture myself at a lightrail, waiting for a train. i have no idea if that makes sense- but it allows me to... feel it. and the breeze.

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Hercynianforest [2009-08-11 22:57:26 +0000 UTC]

o and i didnt mean to click the sad face, that was an accident lol

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Hercynianforest [2009-08-11 22:37:40 +0000 UTC]

I love this because it hurt me to read it. I can remember waiting for a train back from walking down by the river and I just started crying because I had one of those out of body realizations about things I have in my past and I guess it's more of a regret then a grace but I think it would classify as truth and understanding...unfortunately a little late. You captured that personal experience that people often have a hard time imagining others feeling and that's probably why I like reading expression like yours...relation. I thought "ache" was a great word to use because (at least personally) I have those moments when I'm tired and I'm more confined to using my mind over body....and I also think it's relevant because when you feel like that, it can hurt to wear your skin. Bones aching is a representation of a deep, internal feeling to me. It doesn't always have to be negative like I interpreted it either; a lot of times people just appreciate their reality a little more through realization and it makes you understand a little better how special a mind/soul can be and how cosmic your being is (which also shows you how small you are in the giant scheme of things too). I also remember a time I was waiting for a path train back to journal square and I met a girl who was a few yrs older then me who was on her way back to pavonia/NP and it was so late in the middle of a snow storm and I was so physically exhausted but me and her talked on the platform until our train arrived which seemed like forever. Then we both got on the train and we didnt speak all the way home. After I got off the train, as I was waiting for a cab, I couldn't help but think about how randomly life paths wind so close and touch for a moment and then shoot off never to cross again. idk, I think these examples count. After you see life in a more complete light (after one of these understandings) the peace you can find is liberating even though the original thought might not be. The use of abstract wording and unspecific location like "elsewhere, in some other location" i think is great because these things are often undefinable and hard to actually understand. You even say that you can't truly verbalize the experience because words are too awkward and we are too awkward to really properly express the abstract experience. At some point, you grasp it and then you just go on with things. I feel like the lines about your legs and eyes say that nothing has really changed but in your mind. You are off in your thought and though your body moves, your conscious is elevated. The last line brings me back to my point about feeling liberated. You can free yourself, even if just for a little while, from the smaller things in life that only hold meaning because we think they do; intrinsically unimportant things that anchor us. I also don't think the point of the poem is supposed to be down to earth. I feel like the idea is to express a kind of out of body experience, something not limited to just the physical. That's why the spirit breaks through the skin and is a violent transcending of soul over the self. That's what it meant to me anyway. I'm certainly just myself and I'm not much of a technical writer, so I go more for meaning and emotion and how it's personally delivered to me. I hope I was close.

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diamondie [2008-07-08 06:07:16 +0000 UTC]

I like this, good style and narrative. It feels song lyric like, in a good way, and more mature than your older stuff. Perhaps the middle part could use a little more detail so that it was less abstract. I can't help thinking that the very first image, "that make your bones ache" makes me think of a physical malady. I wonder if there's some other word you could use instead of "ache"?

I'd also like to do something about the last four lines. "elsewhere, in some /other location" doesn't sound quite right to me and IMO the last line doesn't completely fit the down-to-earth style of the rest of the piece.

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