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fragilemacabre — so I guess I'm a sucker
Published: 2005-05-07 03:03:22 +0000 UTC; Views: 158; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 13
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Description It only took a moment
for my muscles to cry "mutiny!"
and refuse to hold me up
for that short length of time,
but you sprung into action,
catching me like a doll
and I wondered for a second
if it has been worth the fall
and whether I should reward you
with a smile and a kiss
for saving this clumsy damsel
from another instance of distress.
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fragilemacabre - palmistry
Comments: 7

sankatze [2005-05-19 20:07:50 +0000 UTC]

The 'clumsy damsel' is a very pretty assonance; and the whole thing gets tighter towards the end which goes really well with the theme.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Aladdin-Sane [2005-05-17 16:44:47 +0000 UTC]

Hey, I really like this one, especially those opening two lines. It feels very 'complete' as a moment, self-sustaining and romantic as hell. A fine piece.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

fragilemacabre In reply to Aladdin-Sane [2005-05-17 21:14:36 +0000 UTC]

It's stupid to reveal, but a good deal of the reason I write anymore is in hopes that I'll one day write something you deem praiseworthy. Thus, your comment made my day.

Thanks.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

little-librarian [2005-05-07 14:28:07 +0000 UTC]

I love the last two lines and the subtle rhyming (maybe I'm slow but I didn't even realize it rhymed till the second read through.... <_< I was focusing on the story and not the rhyme I guess)
Good job!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

fragilemacabre In reply to little-librarian [2005-05-08 02:01:50 +0000 UTC]

Lol, it barely rhymes... thanks, though.

And it worked.

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oopmaesterb [2005-05-07 03:05:34 +0000 UTC]

wow, i love how the rhyming is subtle (not like most teen romancy type poems). very nice work, ill have to check out your other stuff.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

fragilemacabre In reply to oopmaesterb [2005-05-07 03:19:14 +0000 UTC]

Lol, thanks... I thought it kinda hit you over the head, lol. But thanks.

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