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frigidbloodalchemist β my ugly side
Published: 2011-08-12 01:25:23 +0000 UTC; Views: 15411; Favourites: 450; Downloads: 191
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Description
song: [link]behind this image:
the demon is something that upsets and confuses us yet at times seems our only support and friend. which is why sightless appears to be what eyesore is leaning against even if she would never dare look at him.
gawd this song fits me so well it unbelievable, I mean I try my best to have an appeal to people but gosh Im sob easy to anger and my true opinions of most people and piont of views are so cruel, harsh and sick, Ive had conversations with people were I feel the urge to take a sharp object and jam it through thier lower jaw, my only reason for not telling them this? I want so bad to appeal to people...
characters:
sightless and eye sore
yes my demon has a name now, no, he always had it~
okay and now for the real venty ranty thing that should really be ignored:
you know its not really fair... Im paranoid , terrified of most people , i hold my breath when i have to walk by a group of teenagers hanging out , I wont make eye contact with strangers and all the while in my head Im thinking , what they could be thinking of me what they will probably say when I walk by, and I get so scared and angry and I hate it, and god forbid if someone confirms this by opening my mouth. it wouldnt be such a problem if I didnt live with this nightmare, right next to the fricken highschool I went too and all the kids I knew there havent moved away and I go home and my brother is just the same as them. and its not fair because I used to be happy and friendly before that hellish highschool, I wasnt paranoid or angry or depressed I always tried to be my nicest and be polite...
I still cant forget some things.. like the time I lent out my note book to a friend , they let people sign it... such cruel notes even one threstening my bird at the time, and my best friend left me all alone when I asked her to choose between me and this new friend, not like we knew each other since nursery or anything..oh wait nevermind!
I dont know what was worse the jeering or the silence...
you know Id write out a christmas card for everyone else in my class , but I never got one back spar from the few friendly people there.. Id watch as my so called friends got one back from everyone... what did i ever do?
worst part was when i tried to talk to someone my friend was talking to i was being nice as i good, but before i could even finish my sentence, they turned round and yelled at me 'eeeww i wasnt talking to you' and walked away...
and you know what the worst part is...
nobody cared ever , when my bird died when my grandad died nobody asked me how i was , everyone even at home cared about my brother and my mum. while i was digging up my budgies body in some deranged hope that shed start breathing again. my only friend she was.
and now people want me to forget so why cant i put it behind me, must be atleast 3 years now .
but im still hating people i see terrified to talk to people , i dont want to be i try my best to impress i do.
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Comments: 130
I know exactly how u feel I hate always feeling different around other ppl and feel like I barely have any friends or the world is against me, my own mother called me a whore just because I was bi, I feel like I have to hide everything and bottle up my emotions Β even around my own family just because I feel like they would never accept me because I wasn't Christian or because I was bi the only one who knows I'm bi is my mother. And I have to hide that from other ppl because I feel as tho I will get bullied even further at school it doesn't help because everyone thinks I look like a pig which made my self esteem go even lower I can't even look at myself in the mirror without thinking you'll never be pretty and no one will ever love u and u will die alone and have no body come to my funeral, even if I get dressed for a special occasion I want to hide myself because I feel as tho I will never be great enough for anything and Β will never be noticed for my potential. I just have to cope with the loneliness and all these emotions cutting into me like a knife into my heart.
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I understand how you feel... me and one of my closest friends got in a few fights where we always fought and we weren't friends, but eventually we apologize and become friends again... it's sadΒ I used to have popular friends(I used to be girly but not anymore) and they always made fun of me like calling me names, making fun of how I look, and spreading rumors that I liked a boy that I really hate! Β All I care about now is getting revenge on them! Β can someone beat the living HECK out of them?!Β i'm just really sad right now!!!
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Am I the ugly side? I prefer, the "awesome side".
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I felt a lot of the same things that you did. No one ever seemed to care, they only noticed me when the wanted to laugh and point and treat me cruely. My birds were my only friends, the only ones that would sit with me as I would cry, and wouldnt care how long it took for me to stop, they stayed with me. When my bird Tom died it felt as if life would never go on, even though I still had Emily there for me it was so hard to let her go, to me she was pretty much my life, but to everyone else she was a just a bird, an it not a who. But what do they know.....?
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I'm sorry about no one caring and all that's happened to you but I can relate people hate me because of my violent nature they avoid me because they fear I will lash out and hurt them. But that's not the point what I"m saying is would you like a friend who's like you and in the same boat, would you like someone who won't walk away because something happened. Because I want to be that friend, if you wouldn't mind
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I agree. Sigh. people can be so racist. At least, to me.
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people treat me like that too my bbf chose some other girl she just met and cant even see that she's being used?All the times i wonder 'why are humans suchs fools? can't tell whats right and whats wrong.':/
Now i live in the shadows let then forget me don get me wrong...i tried so hard yet noting working...when people talk to me i just want to use a knife and stab then and watch then bleed...and then i, gonna laugh at their pain and walk away...
But why show the world what you are now?Why not make it a surprise and let them suffer later?Ya thats me...Im not those who cut themself(such a fool) cos i don like pain...the pain i like is the pain i see on you.
Do not trust this world with your life...it will turn it back one you
"Don't fight the insainty...Embrace it,learn to used it,and you shall have your way in life..."-Icey im 13 yet im like this...hehe whats to become of me?
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Can you do a request for me?, ill give you points or anyrhing just plzz.If you decid to then can you plz do chain (my charrie) with sightless.This would be a dream and a gift to hold on to forever.You dont have too but that would be the best thing that ever happened to me for a while.You wont understand.But plz oh plz read this.Iknow millions ask you a day but plz im begging you for this one time ohh plzz.I have 60 points or 50.I wouldgive everything away just for you to reply.
your fan,
hockeygirl8605
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... To be honest with you...I know how you feel...
I used to be so upright and just HAPPY all the time. I never got upset and I was NEVER afraid to talk to anyone...now, it seems like I don't say anything. I stay quiet cause I am afraid to mess things up. Sometimes I feel strange talking to my friends, I am afraid they won't reply to whatever I say, like I am being ignored...but i try not to let that stuff get to me cause I know that isn't right. I know the reason I was like this is because I was bullied and just..called HORRIBLE names. I was threatend, and the teaches did NOTHING. And to top it all, my parents would yell at me if I ever got bad grades. It was like a nightmare..
But...the past is the past....we just need to learn to let go. If we stick with it, it will turn us into something we are not.
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I'm sorry for how people treated you, it seems like High Schools and the people in them are the same everywhere. I can't stand talking to people either, I'm an awkward duck.
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I cried when I read this and I'm crying now. I feel like this most of the time, alone, abandoned, no one cares about me. When I go around big groups of people, I stay in the back, afraid someone will say something about me being there. I feel like I can't tell my family secrets, I think they will just blurt them out. My "friends" hang out with each other, and I always feel like a third or fourth wheel. I think my friends will say something about me liking anime and manga. They think I'm a freak for liking this stuff.
I heard some one say yesterday that I was quote "A fat b**** that will never make friends and will always be alone." I went home at the end of the day and cried.
I try to be nice to everyone. Some girl got mad at me for not giving her gum. I laugh when I'm sad, act glad when I'm upset, and when I go to see my friends, after I cried as I am reaching them I wipe away myο»Ώ tears and start acting all hyper and happy. I don't want them to see how sad I am. I don't want them to see me weak.
I try to mask everything up, and end up spilling it all out at once, I talk more deeply to my friends online then the ones in Real Life.....
Can me insane or insecure, but I think of these people as my true friends some times.
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That makes three of us.
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c: Its nice to hear that Im not alone, but horrible that people have been through the same thing.
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The way the world is today who hasn't felt that loneliness,but yeah life sucks.
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*Nods* Yep.
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And old people don't understand since when they were kids they didn't have to deal with this crap.
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That is so sad.... But the two, are they supposed to be one? Like the sightless one is the bird? O.o
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I am so sorry to hear that. I can somewhat relate to you, in a way with the not speaking to people thing. I hardly speak at all during school and when I do, it's usually to a teacher. When someone who is from the deemed 'popular crowd', as all schools have, talks to me for some reason I'm hesitant to reply to them because I'm not sure if they're just trying to be friendly or if they're going to re-tell our conversation to someone else later for amusement. People who I thought were my friends before are no longer considered as such anymore. I even remember once at work I heard someone whisper to someone else how I often just stand there and not really participate in conversations. I'm generally a very shy person, and I perfer to write things out then to say them because I was always stumble over my words and can't think of the right thing to say.
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oh my gosh D:
that must be horrible! but keep on walking and dont give up, ok? bad things happen along the way, but it always gets better. you know, like that saying,
'whenever there is a forest fire, the plants will always regrow, stronger than before!'
But that does not make them immune to fire. so basically you should just hang in there and things will get better ok >:3
stay strong!
i loves ya!
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i adore your art and animations...
i also know whats its like, i get bullied quite a bit, i do try to be nice and kind but then i'm picked on cause i'm different like the fact i like dragons or halo.
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My eyes welled while reading this. I'll not parrot the other people and say I relate to you..but you stay strong.
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dont think the people commenting on here saying they can relate to you (like me) are lying. im sure most of them arent. ya wanna know how i know? cause their on the computer when they could be socializing. (IM on the comp. all the time X3) unless they dont have anyone to talk TO irl. like me. hence why they can truly relate to you (then again, i dont know anyone on here... o_o)
nice pic btw and i love sightless <3
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I still hold a grudge from first grade and I never forget when someone's cruel to me. I prefer to be alone because I don't trust too many people. I have more friends on DA than real life, so I feel your pain.
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I've felt that way, too. I returned to my old school after one year of being away, and things were completely different. A lot of my friends were somewhat mean to me and I didn't feel like I fit in well. And last year at my current high school, I didn't have many friends. I'm almost always a polite, friendly, even-tempered person, but this summer I've been feeling a bit akward while walking around, although I can't explain why. I sometimes feel afraid to look at other people when I'm in stores or walking on the sidewalks, and when I walk behind other people I almost wonder if they think I'm stalking them or something.
Story aside, this is a well-drawn (though sad-but-true) picture! Great job!
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FLIGHTFEATHERS!!!!!!!! YOUR ART ROCKS!!!!!!
whats that dog like thing called
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I've always had a problem talking to people to. It seems like no matter what, they find something to secretly snicker at. I don't mean to whine, I just want you to know that you're not alone
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i know how that feels when the whole world wont talk to you not even the family you love and a act of violence seems so close and pure its unbelievable you just want to be accepted so much it hurts but you don't need to care what this stupid world has too think what those stuck up "friends" have to say sometimes your only friends will be your demons and sometimes they are good friends just keep being a good person, keep drawing (it helps with the pain i know) you don't have to impress everyone you first must impress yourself accept yourself its the most important thing you can do it hurts to much to impress everyone else try to take care of yourself more just know there are people out there like aquahowl , me and others we know how you feel and we all love you
<3
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I'm with you, you know.
Things like that happen to me. I know I get loads of good things, but then it feels like the tiniest thing sets me off. I try to be optimistic, but it feels like my chances are just slipping away.
But I'm here. I will care for you, even though I don't even know you in person.
So keep your head, and you're dreams, held high. You can make it. You can.
I know what you need, mostly.
Self confidence and support. And we're here, flighty. We're here.
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Thinks Flighty should shoot her a note when she wants to rant and talk, or just share stories. Don't be afraid, my demon dwells on the surface.
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i went through the same crap only it happened in 6th grade. it's harder for me to trust people now. especially strangers. whenever i have a hard time around people, i get a lecture from my family about it. saying that i have to be more socialable and get over it.
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I know how you feel somedays i feel as if i don't have a friend in the world
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Ooh....Creepy did it tok a very long time
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(I'm just now getting around to commenting on this)
I fully understand how you feel.
One of my "best" friends I used to hang out with in middle school started spreading a rumor about me being a furry (which I guess is true, but I'm not into yiff or anthros).
So I would get bullied for having a sick mind and what not.
I'd also get bullied for how I dressed or the fact I'm a huge Soundgarden fan.
It got to the point where I sat in the back of all my classes and literally growled at the people who would come up to me.
I never talked to anyone about my feelings except for my cat.
(My cat is and always has been/will be my closest friend.)
Hell, I've only talked to ONE person in middle school after the rumors spread because she too had a rumor spreading about her so we just stuck together.
Now that fuckin hell is over and I'm moving on to highschool.
Already know no one is going to really like me, except maybe in the tenth grade art class of Animal Life Drawing o3o
So I guess what I'm trying to mainly say is I feel for you and I do hope things get better.
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I know how that feels, i when through it too. It felt like hell. I moved to a new house leaving all my old friends and nice people that i knew. Also the new school i when to was horrible! I felt like a outsider in that school. I was not antisocial but i barely ever talked to any one. I was scared that i would mess up when talking to them and then they would start spreading rumors about me.I had no friends in that school and..... I felt so alone. Next year I had to go to another new school everything was getting better i meet two people who are my friends now. And this summer my best friend who lives somewhere in eroupe (which is far away from me) can and visitied me on her vacation. On thouse days she was with me was horrible, i thought she was my best friend but now she is nothing more then a traitor! (not exactly a traitor but i feel that way about her now) How could she forget how we used to protected each other when something bad happened! How could she forget how we trusted each other, how we care for each other!
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but i know everything will work out, im on my road to recovery thanks to my new friends. I know you will be all right too.
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Aw, don't worry Flighty, you know what they say, "it only gets worse before it gets better" ooor something like that. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is hold on Flighty. Things will work themselves out somehow...
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Im never that insane in hyper insane ha i wish i was as good as you flighty
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Beautiful picture, truky. I love your work, I really do.
And sorry to hear about all that. =/ I'd write a big paragraph about how I am all sympathetic and empathetic and stuff, which I very much am, but then I'd seem like one of those people who are just trying to get your attention and stuff. Not that anyone else who commented on this picture is one of those people, I'm not trying to insult anyone. I was just saying. You know, I'll shut up now.
Anyways, hope you feel better eventually. =/
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I was going to write a paragraph in reply to your vent.
I deleted it. All I will say is this:
Stay strong 
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don't worry flighty even i have been through these types of things difference it was my family tho ... well for most of the things..
oh yea and i would type more but i shouldn't be on the computer right now :/ and i faved at like 2 in the morning yesterday and was about to go to sleep and i diddent wanna make it seem like i faved and just ran away....
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Its so annoying how some of the most understanding people seem to be on the internet.
I have sudden anger outbursts, and they take years to build up, but I just snap... Shout or slap someone. I hate it. but I sometimes want it to happen.
Im sorry to hear about all this flighty. Animals sometimes understand us more than humans.
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