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Description
ive never actually told you guys the truth about my excuse for a love life. its not funny even... its just sad and disappointing. so ive never really had romantic crushes, though I have been in romantic relationships. ive romantically fallen for 2 people, my friend angel and now that I realized itd never work, I sorta started having a slight bit of love for my friendo alex (whos also close friends w/ angel). I even tend to just be picky in general.. I mean most guys and gals just aren't my type. as far as appearance, I really like shy looking emo boys who are taller than me. but for a personality.. I just cant feel a spark. its like I never really could. ive had like 4/5 boyfriends and 3 girlfriends. my last boyfriend, who ive known since we were in like 1st grade, we broke up like 3 weeks ago. we're still really good friends, but we both were feeling just beaten and unloved, so we decided to try out dating, though we both still had feelings for other people. and well my last girlfriend like jesus Christ I miss her.. we haven't talked in ages and I really fucking miss her. she also had a DA acc but she deactivated. I had some other relationships, but they were stupid minor details. I just felt so commitment repulsed during 7th & 8th grade, until the gf I just spoke about. I didn't like it and im very much ashamed to admit this but I made myself something I never wanted to be. I don't even know why. I realised I was just so fucking stupid, having "it" casual with one of my really close friends. we still act(ed) like best friends and we still are. but I just put myself out there. I had little to no self respect. I honestly didn't want people to be in a committed relationship with me because at the time, I was a serious self harmer, and hadn't stopped for about 4 years. I just stopped caring. and the worst part was that I realised I hated my self in about 4th/5th grade. and so back to not wanting someone to love me, I felt like a danger. like a danger to everyone I fucking met. if I was deliberately fucking cutting myself for the pleasure of pain, there is in absolutely no world a reason for me to be involved with another person on the planet. I was a danger to myself. when you cut, you are the equivalent to a murderer. a murderer who tortures slowly and painfully. I was one. and you cant love someone like that. though I haven't SH'd in 3 months, I feel like taking my rage out on my loves. I become obsessed and clingy. at school, even, ive been known by my friends as overly attached. but its the way I am. and if I say I love you, I love you. so pretty much when I go ahead and tell alex hahaha hes dead

Description
ive never actually told you guys the truth about my excuse for a love life. its not funny even... its just sad and disappointing. so ive never really had romantic crushes, though I have been in romantic relationships. ive romantically fallen for 2 people, my friend angel and now that I realized itd never work, I sorta started having a slight bit of love for my friendo alex (whos also close friends w/ angel). I even tend to just be picky in general.. I mean most guys and gals just aren't my type. as far as appearance, I really like shy looking emo boys who are taller than me. but for a personality.. I just cant feel a spark. its like I never really could. ive had like 4/5 boyfriends and 3 girlfriends. my last boyfriend, who ive known since we were in like 1st grade, we broke up like 3 weeks ago. we're still really good friends, but we both were feeling just beaten and unloved, so we decided to try out dating, though we both still had feelings for other people. and well my last girlfriend like jesus Christ I miss her.. we haven't talked in ages and I really fucking miss her. she also had a DA acc but she deactivated. I had some other relationships, but they were stupid minor details. I just felt so commitment repulsed during 7th & 8th grade, until the gf I just spoke about. I didn't like it and im very much ashamed to admit this but I made myself something I never wanted to be. I don't even know why. I realised I was just so fucking stupid, having "it" casual with one of my really close friends. we still act(ed) like best friends and we still are. but I just put myself out there. I had little to no self respect. I honestly didn't want people to be in a committed relationship with me because at the time, I was a serious self harmer, and hadn't stopped for about 4 years. I just stopped caring. and the worst part was that I realised I hated my self in about 4th/5th grade. and so back to not wanting someone to love me, I felt like a danger. like a danger to everyone I fucking met. if I was deliberately fucking cutting myself for the pleasure of pain, there is in absolutely no world a reason for me to be involved with another person on the planet. I was a danger to myself. when you cut, you are the equivalent to a murderer. a murderer who tortures slowly and painfully. I was one. and you cant love someone like that. though I haven't SH'd in 3 months, I feel like taking my rage out on my loves. I become obsessed and clingy. at school, even, ive been known by my friends as overly attached. but its the way I am. and if I say I love you, I love you. so pretty much when I go ahead and tell alex hahaha hes dead