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Description
For a long time now, I have been considering talking about what's going in my life, as I feel I owe it to people.
For the past 2 years, I have been feeling really, really down. Not just sad, but it felt like I hit a low point and that I keep sinking and sinking.

Even though I do not have a professional dignosis (yes, I'm aware of all those "tumblr self diagnosing people"), I have been having depression for years now. It has always been just ups and downs, sometimes barely there, sometimes affecting me a lot.
But lately, especially the past 2 months, I have been feeling extremely awful, both phisically and mentally. I tried getting out, hanging out with people, treating myself with stuffs, watching/listening to stuffs I love, drawing it out (what you see up here), but nothing really could help me. It makes me see everything is wrong, disliking my art, my style, everything I do.

I did have some really issues at work too with my boss (who is a grade A asshole btw), and obviously that didn't help either. I aways tried to just shake it off, I know work problems shouldn't affect my private life, and it usually works, but this last thing was really just.. disgusting of him.

We always used to have problems at home, mainly between my parents: and because most of you didn't know, my parents drifted apart and my mother left us. Every other months she remembers she has a daughter and gives me some stuffs and.. that's all. She was never a mother type, and as time passed, this became even more obvious. I couldn't talk about things with her that usually a mother and daughter should or could be. No wonder for many years now, my dad was closer to me than my mother.
Even though this happened only in the past few years, and not as me being a little kid, it still affected me a lot, and just made me feel even more worthless of love.

This past 2 years, people walked out of my life without saying a proper goodbye, or leaving an explanation why. We didn't argue, one day we talked like good friends, and soon they just.. never got online. Not just where we talked, but not any other platforms either. I hope they are doing okay, but I just wish they would have said at least a goodbye to me. I wish people would only befriend me, if they don't plan to just.. one day move on. I know we all have our life, our problems, irl friends and whatsoever, but I still feel they owe me, their friend this much.
I've been feeling so distant from some friends, mainly because they rarely message me on their own, or.. people are just.. really busy.

I have been thinking so much on what to do, who to ask help from, I've talked with many friends, but I still feel confused, anxious and lonely. Some days it feels just like.. wanting to sleep through the whole day.. sometimes not just for a day but for a whole week. It feels like nothing is worth fighting for, and that you're tired.. really, really tired.
Missing the "good old days" when things were different and better. I know that the past helps shaping us, giving us lessons, but sometimes.. you can't help, but feel that some things were just better than they are now.

But.. even though I'm feeling like this.. I would like to.. fight.. and not give up.

So, I'm now trying to.. let you know guys what has been going in my life lately, why I became less and less active - but I'll try my best to catch up with things before the year end. I miss you all a lot, and I would love to be able to have a fun time again, interact with people, draw together, etc. One of my current goals is to feel better and to be more active here!

So.. any comments are appreciated! I'm really looking forward to.. feel better and to better myself, even though it's hard to see that right now.

I wish you all a nice weekend <3 Thank you so much for all the support, the patience, the help and love you all gave me! Even though I'm at a low point right now, you guys always made me feel better, and gave me a reason to continue it.
Thank you! ♥

✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Please DO NOT trace / use / heavy reference / sell / repost my art without my permission!

Title reference to: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wfg2tc…
Art, character © Me
✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Description
For a long time now, I have been considering talking about what's going in my life, as I feel I owe it to people.
For the past 2 years, I have been feeling really, really down. Not just sad, but it felt like I hit a low point and that I keep sinking and sinking.

Even though I do not have a professional dignosis (yes, I'm aware of all those "tumblr self diagnosing people"), I have been having depression for years now. It has always been just ups and downs, sometimes barely there, sometimes affecting me a lot.
But lately, especially the past 2 months, I have been feeling extremely awful, both phisically and mentally. I tried getting out, hanging out with people, treating myself with stuffs, watching/listening to stuffs I love, drawing it out (what you see up here), but nothing really could help me. It makes me see everything is wrong, disliking my art, my style, everything I do.

I did have some really issues at work too with my boss (who is a grade A asshole btw), and obviously that didn't help either. I aways tried to just shake it off, I know work problems shouldn't affect my private life, and it usually works, but this last thing was really just.. disgusting of him.

We always used to have problems at home, mainly between my parents: and because most of you didn't know, my parents drifted apart and my mother left us. Every other months she remembers she has a daughter and gives me some stuffs and.. that's all. She was never a mother type, and as time passed, this became even more obvious. I couldn't talk about things with her that usually a mother and daughter should or could be. No wonder for many years now, my dad was closer to me than my mother.
Even though this happened only in the past few years, and not as me being a little kid, it still affected me a lot, and just made me feel even more worthless of love.

This past 2 years, people walked out of my life without saying a proper goodbye, or leaving an explanation why. We didn't argue, one day we talked like good friends, and soon they just.. never got online. Not just where we talked, but not any other platforms either. I hope they are doing okay, but I just wish they would have said at least a goodbye to me. I wish people would only befriend me, if they don't plan to just.. one day move on. I know we all have our life, our problems, irl friends and whatsoever, but I still feel they owe me, their friend this much.
I've been feeling so distant from some friends, mainly because they rarely message me on their own, or.. people are just.. really busy.

I have been thinking so much on what to do, who to ask help from, I've talked with many friends, but I still feel confused, anxious and lonely. Some days it feels just like.. wanting to sleep through the whole day.. sometimes not just for a day but for a whole week. It feels like nothing is worth fighting for, and that you're tired.. really, really tired.
Missing the "good old days" when things were different and better. I know that the past helps shaping us, giving us lessons, but sometimes.. you can't help, but feel that some things were just better than they are now.

But.. even though I'm feeling like this.. I would like to.. fight.. and not give up.

So, I'm now trying to.. let you know guys what has been going in my life lately, why I became less and less active - but I'll try my best to catch up with things before the year end. I miss you all a lot, and I would love to be able to have a fun time again, interact with people, draw together, etc. One of my current goals is to feel better and to be more active here!

So.. any comments are appreciated! I'm really looking forward to.. feel better and to better myself, even though it's hard to see that right now.

I wish you all a nice weekend <3 Thank you so much for all the support, the patience, the help and love you all gave me! Even though I'm at a low point right now, you guys always made me feel better, and gave me a reason to continue it.
Thank you! ♥

✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Please DO NOT trace / use / heavy reference / sell / repost my art without my permission!

Title reference to: www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wfg2tc…
Art, character © Me
✂ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -