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geek96boolean10 β€” The Borrower Arrietty 2: Chapter 01 (Rewritten) by-nc-sa
Published: 2012-08-29 07:12:45 +0000 UTC; Views: 3748; Favourites: 16; Downloads: 13
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Description Chapter 01 (Rewritten)
This was the 6th month since she had left in the old yellow teapot. Arrietty spent her life in a forest where other borrowers lived, searching the wild bushes and scouring the dirt for berries, nuts, and fungus. It was a quiet lifestyle, a calm one, but it was not welcoming to the hyper and active Arrietty. Especially not since she still dreamed of returning to Sho every night.

She missed Sho, she missed the doll house, and she missed the crickets. Spiller tried to keep Arrietty entertained, but she would just sigh and motion for him to go away. Nobody could ever replace Sho in her heart; he was living proof that people were not always a threat to borrowers, and that they could befriend each other. Now that he had his surgery, Arrietty wondered if that would all change.

Arrietty could smell stew from the dinner table, and she clumped noisily down the small, crooked staircase. Pod was sitting at the table, and Homily was pouring the stew into 3 different bowls. When everyone had begun eating, Pod said in a grave voice, "The human beans have been near this part of the forest."

Homily glanced upwards, mid-swallow. She coughed several times, and Pod soothed her by patting her on her back and saying, "We're still safe for now. We just have to stop scavenging for a while. We have enough food in the storage to last us for some time."

Arrietty kept her head down, reminiscing her farewell to Sho. Pod glanced at Arrietty and said sternly, "Do not expose yourself. I know about your feelings towards Sho; but he is still a human bean."
Arrietty nodded slowly, but whispered, "They aren't all bad."

Pod slammed his fist against the table, causing Arrietty and Homily to both jump. Pod was normally a calm person, so his outburst surprised them all. "It doesn't matter! They've nearly wiped out our population! They are dangerous!"

Arrietty, bursting into tears, shouted back, "Did every human bean kill us? Or just a few selfish beans?"
Pod lowered his voice, but he did not back down. "They are all evil. Sho was a sick boy, which is why he couldn't harm you."

Arrietty stood up, knocking over her chair, sobbed, "That's not true!", and crashed through the door into the dark night. She had had enough of his constant condemning of human beans. She didn't know where she was going to run to, but she had a faint notion that she wanted to get back to Sho somehow. If Spiller had been around, he surely would've stopped her, but he was out running errands so he did not know of Arrietty's disappearance.

The night grew pitch black, and her legs ached from running. She was still wearing her beige house clothes, which gave her some camouflage from the ground littered with dry leaves. She slowed to a stop, panting and crying, and muttered to herself, "I'm going to find you, Sho." She heard her family as well as some other borrowers calling her name. She clambered up a tree and settled herself into a nook. Eyes still wet, she said in a faint voice, "I'm not going back home." Before finally crying herself to sleep.

Arrietty awoke with the sun in her eyes. The forest around her was alive with the chirping and singing of the birds, and the rustling of the brown leaves. She took a look around her as she stood up unsteadily, and noticed that she was closer to the city than she thought she had been. Her pin, which was her first borrowed item, made a small pinging sound when she sat down on the branch, surveying the scene. She was soon lost in thought about Sho again, wondering what he would be like now that he had his heart surgery. His eyes were probably not as tired looking, and…

A bird swooped down, screaming at Arrietty. Arrietty ducked in time, and the bird dived past. Arrietty scrambled down the tree to avoid the reckless bird, and landed with a soft thump onto the wet ground. It was misty from the morning dew, and Arrietty was soon covered in dewdrops as she began running again. She knew the direction of the city, and her mind was set on finding Sho again. Running past some trash, she remembered what her father had said about humans, and her eyes welled up again. She wiped them away with her sleeve, and kept up her marathon. She was a borrower indeed; a nights rest had completely rejuvenated her, and she would be able to run long distances without tiring. Nonetheless, she was still a human, so her stomach growled noisily.

Skipping dinner was not a good idea, and she regretted doing so. But it was too late to run back now. She began a quick search for any edible berries, nuts, or mushrooms, and settled on a few red berries. They were sour, but very nutritious. She finished up the last berry, and continued her run towards the city. She took short rests every now and then, walking and enjoying the scenery. As the sun went down, she reached the opening where she had bade farewell to Sho. It was somewhat nostalgic, even though it happened just 6 months ago.

After some scrutiny, Arrietty decided that this wasn't actually a very large city. There were stores, cars, apartments, a school, and in the distance was a large building in which Arrietty did not know contained what. As the shadows grew long and the sun retreated into its well-deserved rest, Arrietty took up camp in a small alleyway between a supermarket and a shoe-repair shop. She peeked into a small crack into a wall to see rows and rows full of food and water, as well as a lot of other household items. She felt something behind her, as if with a 6th sense, and whirled around to face an alley rat. They were tougher and stronger than the mice found inside houses, and Arrietty knew she probably was no match for them. She had a flashback of when Pod told her not to mess with rats, or it could get really bad, really quickly. She pulled out her pin and held it like a sword, in a defensive stance. She had to stay alive now; she had no one to rely on. She held the pin out and her breath in, then sighed a breath of relief when the rat turned around to flee. Her relief was short-lived; the rat had brought a few friends along with it, and they surrounded her. The first one advanced on her, and she thrust the pin at it. It stuttered backwards a few steps, and then leapt at Arrietty. She didn't want to kill it, but she didn't want to die either. She stabbed its paw and it tumbled behind her, unmoving. The other 4 attacked together. She managed to dodge 2 and stab another's foot, but the third one swiped at her arm. 3 long gashes appeared immediately on her right arm, and she cried out in pain. She stabbed the last rat and ran into the supermarket, clutching her bleeding arm. She tripped over a crack on the tiled floor, and stayed on the floor, cringing and sobbing in pain.

A few minutes passed, and the pain subsided. Arrietty removed her bloody left hand from the gashes, and winced at the sharp pain. They weren't too deep, but the gashes were long. She sighed, and lay down on the cold marble floor. She peeked out of the supermarket's crack and into the alleyway, surveying the scene. The rats had given up and deserted the alley. She squeezed through the crack and into the alley. Arrietty clambered up the cardboard boxes left in the alleyway. She fell asleep the moment she reached the top, exhausted from the marathon and the long climb.

Arrietty heard a voice calling her, and she woke with a start. The voice was gone, but she was positive it was calling her. It called again, and she recognized the anxious and worried voice; it was Spiller. She called back faintly, "I'm here…"

Within seconds, Spiller was by her side, nursing her wounds. He tied it up with some cloth, and gave her some herbs for medication. Then, he proceeded to deliver the message he had been instructed to. "Your father apologizes for his harsh words about Sho, and that he wants you to come back now."

Arrietty shook her head. "Tell him that I forgive him, but that I won't return until I've found Sho. I must find out how he is doing."

Spiller did his best to convince Arrietty to return with him. "We don't even know if he's still here or not. I'm pretty sure he's fine, but he might be halfway across the world. Even if he is just another city away, you'd never find him."

Arrietty did not hesitate. "I will find him. If he is dead, then I might as well find him in heaven. I won't stop looking."

Spiller sighed. "Alright. I'll tell Pod and Homily. If you ever need help, call for me. I will hear you." With that, he leapt off the boxes and scurried into the night.

"Good-bye, Spiller." Arrietty whispered, before returning to sleep.

The next day was uneventful. Arrietty remained in the alley for the most part of the day, leaving her cardboard box only when she needed to get food or water. Several times, humans approached the alley, and she ducked into the nearest box. A bit after noon, a group of human beans passed by the alley. In this group was the person Arrietty had been searching for; it was Sho, walking back from a store.

He caught a glimpse of Arrietty as she ducked into the box. He turned his head, but she had disappeared. He wanted to call out to her, but his friends were already calling for him to keep walking. He couldn't let them know about Arrietty's existence. He wanted to brag to someone, anyone, about knowing a borrower, but he knew that Arrietty would never want that. Sho made a final glance before walking off, teeth gritted and fists clenched.

At the same moment, Arrietty gasped silently. One of the people in that group had dark hair and a face much like Sho's. She hadn't gotten a clear sight though, and she couldn't be sure. She desperately wanted to peek out to see if it really was Sho, but it was a group of human beans, and it was too risky. The voices faded away, and she sighed. What if it was Sho?

For the rest of the day, neither one of them could concentrate on anything they did. Even though it was a Sunday and Sho was spending time with a few other classmates, he couldn't stop thinking about the tiny figure he had spotted in that alley. Arrietty suffered the same; she tripped over cracks in the supermarket floor and stumbled while climbing the boxes. She longed for the Sho that she may have met.

Monday rolled around the corner, and she heard loud voices of children walking past. "It must be a school day," she thought. She peeked out of the alley, and spotted the same person from yesterday; but he was too far for Arrietty to be able to tell if he was really Sho. She hurried towards the school, where she was certain that she would find Sho. By the time she arrived though, everyone was already in their classes. She trembled with fear, realizing that this was the first time she had went on an expedition in the daytime. It was a huge risk, but to find Sho, Arrietty was willing to go to any lengths.

She found a hiding spot behind a recycling bin in which she waited for Sho. But he never came through that hallway. Sho never knew that Arrietty was in proximity, because his classes weren't in that hallway.

For 2 long weeks, Arrietty waited for Sho to walk through that hallway. For 2 long weeks, Sho searched for Arrietty in the alley, in his house, and at school. He knew, somehow, that Arrietty would be looking for him as well.

It was a Friday, when Sho had just finished working on a project with another classmate. He didn't go to his normal classroom, and he was chatting amongst the group when he caught sight of Arrietty's shadow behind the bin. His eyes widened, but he showed no other emotion. He bent down next to the bin, pretending to tie his shoelace. He motioned for his classmates to leave without him, and they obliged without another word. His pocket was wide open, and Arrietty understood what he wanted her to do. She clambered into the pocket.

Both of their hearts joined into one for a moment, pounding and flowering like never before. After a terrible 6 months apart, they found each other again.
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Comments: 25

GamerMagicFlame1264 [2015-08-16 18:28:16 +0000 UTC]

Would you be interested in a arrietty roleplay? :3

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geek96boolean10 In reply to GamerMagicFlame1264 [2015-08-16 23:58:13 +0000 UTC]

If you asked me aboutΒ 3 years ago, absolutely. unfortunately, i'm not really interested in that right now.

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Ecclytennysmithylove [2014-02-22 03:45:51 +0000 UTC]

I just read the first chapter, and I have to say that this is going to be the awesome sequel I ever read!

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geek96boolean10 In reply to Ecclytennysmithylove [2014-02-22 04:29:09 +0000 UTC]

^^

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pinballwitch [2013-05-06 17:27:31 +0000 UTC]



Opening line: "This was the 6th month since she had left in the old yellow teapot" -- typo? "This was the 6th month since she had lived..." (6 months so far?) or "This was the 6th month she had left..."? (6 months remaining?) As it is, it doesn't make sense, though I suspect based on context that it's the former.

You've got a few punctuation issues to fix, and also, generally novel prose writes out single-digit numbers like 6 in their long form (six, sixth).

The pacing of the plot is pretty good. Character development seems a little shaky--Arrietty is very emotional and impulsive, it seems, but we don't get much of a feel for anyone else (fanfiction? if so, should be in the fanfiction genre rather than its current categorization). You rely a little too much on explaining for my personal preference -- I'd prefer more show, less tell. Part of that could be resolved quite easily by carefully looking at all of your adjectives and seeing which ones are really necessary, which ones aren't, and which could be taken out or replaced by verbs (action! show not tell!) instead. But the issue isn't just adjectives, though that's a good first step.

You seem to overstress the fact that this was six months later. For such a short piece, you could probably mention it once, maaaaybe twice, but right now it seems kind of excessive...

I'm not entirely sure what to make of the second to last line, especially the "[hearts] flowering" bit (I just don't know what that means).

Hope this is helpful!

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geek96boolean10 In reply to pinballwitch [2013-05-07 00:28:47 +0000 UTC]

Yes, this is fanfiction. When I uploaded this there was not yet a category for works such as this.

Thank you for your comment! I will keep it in mind as I write other things.

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IdrewAcow [2013-04-13 09:49:59 +0000 UTC]

This is very well done. I can tell there is major improvement over all comparing to the fist version of this text. the text is, in short, more 'alive'.
A few notes though; some parts deserve a LITTLE bit more description (it feels like it flies by). But other than that, i say that all is clear. I like the flow of the story, the characters are already well-defined, and despite what I said at first, the description is good too.
Great work!!

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geek96boolean10 In reply to IdrewAcow [2013-04-13 14:41:55 +0000 UTC]

thank you for your critique!

right now, i'm kinda stuck... i'm not sure if i want to keep writing. do you have any suggestions as to what to do?

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IdrewAcow In reply to geek96boolean10 [2013-04-14 10:28:58 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome!

Hmm...it would help if you plan ahead the entire story from A to Z. You're still in the beginning so you can still do that.
As for ideas for the rest of the story, maybe she can be shown what Sho's life is like, so that she can prove her family wrong about how they're dangerous and such. And maybe there can be a disaster that is going to fall upon the forest, and Sho can help save it, again to prove that they're not all bad...

Just ideas though. Again, once you have an idea plan ahead. that prevents major art blocks and it makes the idea of moving forward less daunting.

I wish you good luck! ^_^

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geek96boolean10 In reply to IdrewAcow [2013-04-15 03:02:55 +0000 UTC]

thanks for your comment! i'll take those into heed.

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IdrewAcow In reply to geek96boolean10 [2013-04-15 18:58:15 +0000 UTC]

You're very welcome~

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Pianocanival [2013-04-07 05:07:05 +0000 UTC]



Hey

Hmmmm ... I read the questions you send to the group asking for a specific feedback.

I just read the first draft you had.... AND.... I must say there is a BIG improvement from number 1 to this rewritten. So, for that, kudos

Style is a lot more natural, format is friendlier, events are a little bit more spiced... I think you are getting really in touch with your work, in a personal matter, and it comes through the reading, it feels like an honest, pretty straight forward sensation you have with the reference work (I'm pretty much guessing this is related to the Ghibli movie... not the other movie), besides being a big boost for your creativity.

However, just to give you a heads up before getting an art block, try to not get overly attached to it so it becomes an obsession and then you won't think of something else. It's OK sometimes to become obsessed with your work. If you have some other ideas you have floating in your mind, try to put them in paper first, so you have some other work to finish after you finish this one. That way you can put all your focus on this one, and then know there is more work to be done.

Hope it helps, keep creative

Cheers.

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geek96boolean10 In reply to Pianocanival [2013-04-08 10:22:33 +0000 UTC]

wow, thanks for the great comment and critique! I appreciate it.

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Pianocanival In reply to geek96boolean10 [2013-04-08 16:24:55 +0000 UTC]

Sure

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FrancisJeremyXavyer [2012-08-29 13:52:03 +0000 UTC]

Eh, the Disney one's good, but it ended so damn sad, I hated it. The acting was excellent, but the way it ended was the only thing that made me hate it. The differences from the Japanese script, im my opinion, actually made it better and, in some cases, a lot funnier!

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geek96boolean10 In reply to FrancisJeremyXavyer [2012-08-29 13:56:30 +0000 UTC]

no, the UK dub is better. The US version makes Arrietty sound like... a typical high-school girl, when she should be about 10 or 20 years in the past. The sad ending is new, I think, not any other Ghibli movie has really had a sad ending... funny things are always best in the original language.

so do you like my original or my rewritten one better?

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FrancisJeremyXavyer In reply to geek96boolean10 [2012-08-29 14:03:38 +0000 UTC]

I like the new one just the same!
Also, the Disney ended with an epilogue (which was never in any other version) saying Shawn (Sho) never saw Arrietty again, but heard of other Borrowers when he came back thge next summer. It was good that he lived, but sad that he never saw her again!

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geek96boolean10 In reply to FrancisJeremyXavyer [2012-08-30 01:40:30 +0000 UTC]

I've heard about that, but I haven't actualy watched the Disney one. I think adding something like this is suitable only to American audiences...

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FrancisJeremyXavyer In reply to geek96boolean10 [2012-08-30 11:54:35 +0000 UTC]

Screw being suitable, there were better things than this for kids in the 1980s, and they didn't beat around the bush!

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geek96boolean10 In reply to FrancisJeremyXavyer [2012-08-30 12:12:24 +0000 UTC]

...its a different age. oh well.

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Toyona [2012-08-29 12:27:30 +0000 UTC]

wow its great, i like that movie though i only watched half for now...

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geek96boolean10 In reply to Toyona [2012-08-29 12:29:49 +0000 UTC]

thanks! you must finish watching it. which dub are you watching? the Disney version or the UK?

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Toyona In reply to geek96boolean10 [2012-08-29 12:31:23 +0000 UTC]

japanese with english subs actually^^

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geek96boolean10 In reply to Toyona [2012-08-29 12:32:54 +0000 UTC]

I see. if you want to watch the English version, don't watch the Disney one.

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Toyona In reply to geek96boolean10 [2012-08-29 12:36:51 +0000 UTC]

lol i see, thanks ^^

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