HOME | DD
gimpbeginner — it wasn't enough
[NSFW]
Published: 2012-01-14 05:17:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 174; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
you.you are not dear to me anymore
--
honorifics are for people with honour.
the people who love me choke on their sympathy, because everything is so small: just ten seconds longer than a boy is allowed to watch a girl (there's rules: i checked) and at least you know better than to come near anymore.
one day i will tell them that i don't shake because of you -- i used myself as a shield, and the shock when it broke left me sitting dazed and saddened on the ground. it's okay: ever since, i've been distilling my fear into fury.
(i am not broken, just cracked a bit, and i am not alone: everyone leaks when the rain comes too hard.
if you had known that, this would all have been easier.)
you make me want to sing full voice, to curse in french, to drive into a prairie wilderness and stretch myself out to the horizon. you make me want to take what is mine and hold it tight, to remind myself there are things no one can have but me.
they whispered warnings in my ears, you know, told me to stay back but no, i was florence nightingale, i was mahatma ghandi, i was jesus fucking christ and could save anyone i wanted. i followed my conscience and trusted my ugliness to keep you away -- i'm good at ugly.
(and don't even bother -- i prefer candor to courtesy, and there's another thing you should've known.)
the last time i talked to god was in china, a million miles from home and alone in a parking lot. i stretched out my hands and asked for rain, because it's the only thing that can clean inside the cracks.
when i got it, i gave my umbrellas to people who loved each other, and danced in the downpour like i thought i was fooling anyone.
(now i pray to alanna the lioness and esmerelda weatherwax, and when i don't have the will they promise me nothing, because they're inside my head and my strength is my own. if you'd known something like that, i'd never have had to save you in the first place.)
someday, i'll tell you why this happened: you refused to believe who i was.
don't ever give me a fucking umbrella.
Related content
Comments: 7
Wow... it really has been a while since I've had a glimpse into your confounding cranium.
I disagree when you say that this doesn't have form (I read the previous comments) but I will conceed that I am baffled by wondering where this stems from and, as per usual, by the incredible depth and talent that can burst forth from you "when the rain comes too hard"... I loved the weather metaphor btw <3
Perhaps I stopped listening to your songs because I feel too strongly and needed to stop worrying about you; you are more than capable of standing on your own two feet (I am however very priviledged to have a spot in your support network ^^) Alanna the Lioness... that you referenced her reinforces this...
I have so much curiosity about this piece... but I wonder if it would be better left unexamined... I suppose that's your decision. Either way, I love it.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I don't know how things go in your head, so I'm only making assumptions here, but - maybe there are other things, bits that you don't find acceptable, building up in your head? Whenever you come out with something, it's magnificent, every time, packed full of emotion and meaning (which is why I was so anxious to come back and read this as soon as I saw you'd written something and I realized I only had five minutes before we left xP); if that's what you find only acceptable, there must be so many other things rolling around your synapses that we'd all find absolutely wonderful <333
Now on to the usual enthusiasm:
AWMG
WAT
i am le flailing in joy ;u; because you have the most beautiful writing style. ever. and i want to eat your words.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Hmm... maybe I'm just a perfectionist. But there's only a couple lines in here that I really like - I write about being in pain or in conflict, usually, and then dump it on you poor sods, and trying to catch that honestly, as well as making it sound like a poem, doesn't happen most of the time.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Aaah, pain and conflict are distressingly good muses x333 (but personally, I don't mind at all getting dumps of it from you as long as I can read moaaaaaaar 8|)
Hmm. Just one question - what does a poem sound like to you, then? I asked a group of people what they thought poems were supposed to be like once and I got lots of different versions, so apparently nearly everyone hears poems in a unique way :0 (but on my side, I do see what you write as poems)
AND. At some point I will take your texts and analyze the heck out of them, because then you will know for sure that you get things across in your writing <33333
Sorry, I dunno how to say that everything you do is wonderful and makes my brain shriek in joy D: This probably isn't helping - but you can at least be sure that the people who read your stuff get incredible things from it all.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Hmm... to me, a poem is language that sounds beautiful -- imagery is really important as well. One of my favourite lines of poetry is by Michael Ondaatje - "Remember the afternoon's yellow suburban annunciation." I have a thing about honesty, so when I write I try to be as true to the situation as possible, which doesn't always lend itself to imagery like I want it to.
I would actually really like to read that analysis sometime, just to see what you got out of them. I know they're really cryptic, so I'd love to know what actually comes out of them for people who are, you know, outside my head xD
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
You're an amazing writer, turning turmoil into something beautiful. Literary awesome. You could definitely be a writer, but I bet you know that already.
I definitely want to know what this is about. Such strong emotion. Awesome, and worrying, a little. Message? Phone? Please?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Maybe that'll be enough after all. I don't think I could be a writer for a living: have you noticed how long the gaps are between postings? That's not because I don't try to write the rest of the time, it's because that's how long it takes for something acceptable to coalesce in my head, even something this short and formless.
Message sent, on Facebook.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0