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Chapter Thirty.

As I trudged up the stairs, all I could hear was my pulse throbbing in my ears. I felt sick to my stomach and Frank’s timid voice calling from his bedroom just made it worse.

“Are you alright? I thought I heard something,” he said as I entered his room. He was sat cross-legged on his bed and apparently hoping for an explanation.

“Everything’s fine,” I told him shakily, and not even believing it myself.

He looked at me sceptically. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” I assured him, faking a grin as I plopped down next to him on the mattress.

“Okay,” he said, seemingly convinced. He leant over a little and nuzzled his face against my cheek. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m gonna take my step-dad’s advice and go have a bath. You wanna join me?”

I turned my head quickly, making him jerk back in surprise. “Uh, no that’s okay. You go ahead,” I told him.

He looked a little hurt by my words and I realised they probably hadn’t come out exactly as I’d intended. “I just mean, well, I’m kinda tired. I think I’m gonna take a nap…”

“Oh. Okay.” He went to slide off the bed, but stopped as his feet touched the carpet. “Gee, are you sure there’s nothing wrong?” He looked at me in concern.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I chuckled. “Go have your bath, it’s fine.”

He went off happily enough after that, satisfied with my lie. I lay back on his bed and pulled his bed covers over me. I tried to think of a way out of this whole situation, anything that meant I wouldn’t have to end things with Frank and break his heart, but every idea I came up with resulted in him getting hurt. There was no way out of this and I knew it.

_

A few days later, I asked him to come over to my house, and he did, wearing a big smile on his face. He looked genuinely happy as he stood in my bedroom doorway, and I just felt terribly nauseous.

I had planned every word, practised every syllable that I was going to say to him, but I was still shaking. It physically hurt to know I was going to break up with him, but I kept reminding myself it was all for Frank and his wellbeing.

“Hey!” he said, flinging his arms around me and holding me in a tight embrace.

I didn’t want to move. If this was the last time I would ever hug him, I wanted it to last. “Hi,” I said softly into his hair.

He pulled back a little and rested a cold hand at my jaw. “It’s so cold outside I thought my hands were gonna fall off!” he laughed.

I felt the cold spread to my neck and I leant against his touch.

“I think everything’s gonna be okay,” he said, stroking his thumb in small circles on my skin.

“Is your step-dad still being good to you?” I queried.

Frank’s smile got a touch brighter. “Yeah, it’s so weird,” he said. “It’s like he’s a different person or something. I guess it is possible for people to change.”

I nodded. “I’m glad. I mean, I’m happy that you’re gonna be okay.”

“We’re both gonna be okay, Gee.”

I didn’t respond, but Frank didn’t seem to mind. His hands immediately found my belt buckle and I was suddenly pulled out of my silence and straight into shock.

“What are you doing?” I asked, even though I knew precisely what he was intending. “Frank…” I tried to cut in, but he wasn’t listening.

“We can…we can be together now, properly! I’m making the most of it,” he said, smiling and kissing the corner of my mouth. His hands went back to working on my belt but I held his arms still.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, almost whining at the rejection I was inflicting on him.

“We can’t,” I said bluntly, “I, I don’t want to.”

He looked dejected. “Okay…we don’t have to. We can do it another time, if you want.”

I wanted to hug him and apologise, but I had to make him believe this was what I wanted. I looked down at the carpet and took a deep breath. “I can’t do us either,” I admitted.

“What?” he queried. Either he hadn’t heard or he was just confused. To be honest, I hoped he hadn’t heard.

I swallowed and pulled my gaze up to meet his. Suddenly my mind went blank and my rehearsed speech was forgotten. “We can’t, um, no…” I stuttered in fragments.

Frank frowned and gave a small chuckle. “Gerard, you’re not making any sense.”

“I don’t think we should see each other any more!” I blurted out.

What little colour was in his cheeks from the cold air was rapidly draining and his eyes widened at my words.

“What? What are you talking about? Gee? What are you talking about?”

He was panicking, and so was I.

“I don’t wanna be with you…I don’t, I don’t love you,” I muttered.

I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t dare look anymore. Instead, I focused my attention on my desk chair.

“Why are you saying this?” he asked quietly; the hurt was evident in his voice.

“Because it’s the truth.”

“No it’s not,” he persisted. “You ran away with me, Gee. You don’t do that with people you don’t care about. What’s going on?”

“I told you.”

“No, something’s happened.”

I burst into tears like a five year-old. It was out of character, but I felt so vulnerable and helpless right then that the situation brought it out of me. I felt Frank’s arms smother my shaking frame and he softly kissed at my temple. It was strange, being the one consoled for a change. I had got so used to seeing Frank in tears that this was unfamiliar, to both of us.

“I’m sorry!” I whimpered loudly as I pulled him closer against me.

I didn’t know whether I should just explain everything or have another feeble attempt at breaking up with him, but Frank decided that for me.

“He said something to you, didn’t he?” he said, and I could hear the grief in his voice.

As my tears rapidly ebbed away, I nodded against his shoulder and my hands clung tightly to the fabric on his back. “He said that if I didn’t…end things with you, then he’d hurt you…kill you. But if I did then he’d treat you well, like he has been these last few days. Frankie you can have all that…you can be happy if we just—”

“—No! I only want you; I don’t care what he does to me.”

I pulled back and looked him in the eye, intent on making my point. “Well, I do! I can’t watch as he hurts you, I can’t do it and I won’t.”

Frank stayed silent for a moment and ran a hand through my unruly hair. He looked weary again. “What are we gonna do then?” he asked. “Running away didn’t work.”

Feeling mentally worn out, I perched on the end of my bed and looked up at him. “We’re just gonna have to stand up to him and hope he has a humane bone somewhere in his body.”

“And what if he doesn’t? I mean, what he did to mom…”

I reached out for his still chilly hand and gently pulled him towards me. “I won’t leave you alone with him, I promise.”

Description
Chapter Thirty.

As I trudged up the stairs, all I could hear was my pulse throbbing in my ears. I felt sick to my stomach and Frank’s timid voice calling from his bedroom just made it worse.

“Are you alright? I thought I heard something,” he said as I entered his room. He was sat cross-legged on his bed and apparently hoping for an explanation.

“Everything’s fine,” I told him shakily, and not even believing it myself.

He looked at me sceptically. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” I assured him, faking a grin as I plopped down next to him on the mattress.

“Okay,” he said, seemingly convinced. He leant over a little and nuzzled his face against my cheek. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m gonna take my step-dad’s advice and go have a bath. You wanna join me?”

I turned my head quickly, making him jerk back in surprise. “Uh, no that’s okay. You go ahead,” I told him.

He looked a little hurt by my words and I realised they probably hadn’t come out exactly as I’d intended. “I just mean, well, I’m kinda tired. I think I’m gonna take a nap…”

“Oh. Okay.” He went to slide off the bed, but stopped as his feet touched the carpet. “Gee, are you sure there’s nothing wrong?” He looked at me in concern.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I chuckled. “Go have your bath, it’s fine.”

He went off happily enough after that, satisfied with my lie. I lay back on his bed and pulled his bed covers over me. I tried to think of a way out of this whole situation, anything that meant I wouldn’t have to end things with Frank and break his heart, but every idea I came up with resulted in him getting hurt. There was no way out of this and I knew it.

_

A few days later, I asked him to come over to my house, and he did, wearing a big smile on his face. He looked genuinely happy as he stood in my bedroom doorway, and I just felt terribly nauseous.

I had planned every word, practised every syllable that I was going to say to him, but I was still shaking. It physically hurt to know I was going to break up with him, but I kept reminding myself it was all for Frank and his wellbeing.

“Hey!” he said, flinging his arms around me and holding me in a tight embrace.

I didn’t want to move. If this was the last time I would ever hug him, I wanted it to last. “Hi,” I said softly into his hair.

He pulled back a little and rested a cold hand at my jaw. “It’s so cold outside I thought my hands were gonna fall off!” he laughed.

I felt the cold spread to my neck and I leant against his touch.

“I think everything’s gonna be okay,” he said, stroking his thumb in small circles on my skin.

“Is your step-dad still being good to you?” I queried.

Frank’s smile got a touch brighter. “Yeah, it’s so weird,” he said. “It’s like he’s a different person or something. I guess it is possible for people to change.”

I nodded. “I’m glad. I mean, I’m happy that you’re gonna be okay.”

“We’re both gonna be okay, Gee.”

I didn’t respond, but Frank didn’t seem to mind. His hands immediately found my belt buckle and I was suddenly pulled out of my silence and straight into shock.

“What are you doing?” I asked, even though I knew precisely what he was intending. “Frank…” I tried to cut in, but he wasn’t listening.

“We can…we can be together now, properly! I’m making the most of it,” he said, smiling and kissing the corner of my mouth. His hands went back to working on my belt but I held his arms still.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, almost whining at the rejection I was inflicting on him.

“We can’t,” I said bluntly, “I, I don’t want to.”

He looked dejected. “Okay…we don’t have to. We can do it another time, if you want.”

I wanted to hug him and apologise, but I had to make him believe this was what I wanted. I looked down at the carpet and took a deep breath. “I can’t do us either,” I admitted.

“What?” he queried. Either he hadn’t heard or he was just confused. To be honest, I hoped he hadn’t heard.

I swallowed and pulled my gaze up to meet his. Suddenly my mind went blank and my rehearsed speech was forgotten. “We can’t, um, no…” I stuttered in fragments.

Frank frowned and gave a small chuckle. “Gerard, you’re not making any sense.”

“I don’t think we should see each other any more!” I blurted out.

What little colour was in his cheeks from the cold air was rapidly draining and his eyes widened at my words.

“What? What are you talking about? Gee? What are you talking about?”

He was panicking, and so was I.

“I don’t wanna be with you…I don’t, I don’t love you,” I muttered.

I could feel his eyes on me, but I didn’t dare look anymore. Instead, I focused my attention on my desk chair.

“Why are you saying this?” he asked quietly; the hurt was evident in his voice.

“Because it’s the truth.”

“No it’s not,” he persisted. “You ran away with me, Gee. You don’t do that with people you don’t care about. What’s going on?”

“I told you.”

“No, something’s happened.”

I burst into tears like a five year-old. It was out of character, but I felt so vulnerable and helpless right then that the situation brought it out of me. I felt Frank’s arms smother my shaking frame and he softly kissed at my temple. It was strange, being the one consoled for a change. I had got so used to seeing Frank in tears that this was unfamiliar, to both of us.

“I’m sorry!” I whimpered loudly as I pulled him closer against me.

I didn’t know whether I should just explain everything or have another feeble attempt at breaking up with him, but Frank decided that for me.

“He said something to you, didn’t he?” he said, and I could hear the grief in his voice.

As my tears rapidly ebbed away, I nodded against his shoulder and my hands clung tightly to the fabric on his back. “He said that if I didn’t…end things with you, then he’d hurt you…kill you. But if I did then he’d treat you well, like he has been these last few days. Frankie you can have all that…you can be happy if we just—”

“—No! I only want you; I don’t care what he does to me.”

I pulled back and looked him in the eye, intent on making my point. “Well, I do! I can’t watch as he hurts you, I can’t do it and I won’t.”

Frank stayed silent for a moment and ran a hand through my unruly hair. He looked weary again. “What are we gonna do then?” he asked. “Running away didn’t work.”

Feeling mentally worn out, I perched on the end of my bed and looked up at him. “We’re just gonna have to stand up to him and hope he has a humane bone somewhere in his body.”

“And what if he doesn’t? I mean, what he did to mom…”

I reached out for his still chilly hand and gently pulled him towards me. “I won’t leave you alone with him, I promise.”