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~The Lasting Version~

It is late autumn. The trees surrounding Eliatha University are bare, and the streets are swept clean for the coming of finals. In this time, Lukas has not visited _________________. He has not found the courage to face her and ask her why she did what she did. The easiest way will be to ask Mathias to ask her, but Lukas knows that is being selfish and cowardly. He will not take this route, though he has little other options to choose from. Another easy option would be to convince himself that she was drunk and could not make rational decisions on the fly. Perhaps she saw it as a friendly gesture, a way of thanking him for choosing her over Mathias; however, Lukas cannot bring himself to believe ______________ of all people would choose to kiss someone so easily. It was hardly romantic.

The scenario rewinds in his head like a recorded television program. He has pondered all of the different angles, the different reasons, and the different possibilities that might have resulted in this new turn of events. The sensation of the kiss still lingers on his lips like the ghost of petals upon his flesh, reminding him of the impulsiveness and abrupt spur of energy he felt. To his surprise and frustration, he wants more. He does not want to simply keep a bottle of a memory inside his memories; he wants it at his disposal.

Lukas has not had a proper sleep for days. The effects of his conflicted emotional problems thrown on top of his personal academic workload are taking a toll on his health. Performance-wise, he is still able to keep up with lectures and studying, but he finds his eyes growing weary by the hour, the sound of his professors’ voices muffling into nothing but incomprehensible blurbs, and he has not been this thin in his entire life. Whenever he goes out, he fears he will see ______________ around the premise. He fears confronting her directly. It is impossible to get her alone without creating some type of suspicion from third parties. He does not have any of her personal contact information. All he can do is hide. As a result of all of this, he has barely eaten enough to fulfill his daily nutritional requirements; it is rather ironic of him considering he is a med student currently studying in-depth nutrition. Of course, due to his inability to see the negative, Mathias does not even notice the changes in his friend’s health. To him, Lukas looks as gaunt as he always appears—no more, no less.

Some friend he is, Lukas thinks. He rubs his strained eyes and thinks to look in the mirror. He wonders what he will see. Contradictory to his primed look, Lukas does not think too much about his appearance; he does not need to see if he is presentable or not because like Mathias with his naturally wild hair, Lukas is fairly attractive the way he is. So, he tells himself, he should not be surprised to see what has become of him for these past few days under stress.

But, as he brings the mirror up to his view, he nearly gasps at his image. His skin is almost devoid of color; he is already pale, but this is on a level that is far too light for his own good. His usually fair and soft blonde hair looks unkempt and messy despite taking a bath every single night, and there are tufts and sprigs sticking out on all sides. And his eyes. Mathias was right: looking at himself is like looking into a dead man’s. His sapphire-blue irises are dull as distilled water, the skin under his eyes darkened and lacking circulation due to the long nights he has pulled. He recalls not drinking enough fluids or getting proper circulation into his bloodstream. And after all of this, no one bothered to say anything, those unreliable brutes.

But Lukas has to correct himself. It is he who should be blamed. He is the one who decided to remain cold and distant to everyone around him. It is no wonder no one bothered to ask him about his state before. Mathias is on an entirely different level. Lukas could very well throw himself into the river, and he suspects his oblivious friend would still talk to his boated corpse like he was still alive and kicking. The only other person Lukas thinks might make a comment on his ghastly appearance is _____________, but he has been avoiding her for the past few days without seeing her around the campus. She is out of the question.

Frowning and unable to stare at himself any longer, Lukas sets the mirror face down on his shelf and throws himself upon his bed. The term is nearly over with the coming of winter, and finals are approaching. He cannot afford to take things easy, but he knows if he continues to go on with this, he will eventually crash and burn before exams even begin.

Sleep is what he needs, he decides. All he will have to do is eat a little more and sleep a little longer. There is no harm in indulging just enough to keep yourself going, Lukas thinks. As he closes his eyes, he believes he is making the right decision. It feels nice to finally allow his eyes to relax, and his breathing is not as strained as before. His pulse steadies itself to an even heartbeat, and in time, the only thing Lukas can sense from the outside world is the sound of his own even breath. That is, until—

“Lukas! Are you there?!”

“Damn you, Mathias!” Lukas growls as he throws open his eyes and springs up from his covers. “What do you want now?!”

“I’m coming in!” his friend announces without bothering to ask for permission first. Lukas knows he can do nothing but wait until his friend lets himself inside and makes a scene in his dorm. Sometimes he wishes he picked a better friend.

When Mathias comes inside, he is not empty-handed. He is holding what appears to be one of those recyclable carrying trays used for cushioning coffee cups in their sockets. Sure enough, there are three coffees nestled inside the cardboard. It is a good thing he is carrying hot liquid, too. If he were not, Lukas would have thrown himself on Mathias. He does not want to risk getting hot coffee or stains on his dorm floor. It would mean having to pay a fine. It will be an inconvenience.

“I thought you’d be in here,” Mathias beams, his smile as bright as the summer sun in the gloomy autumn dusk. “Guess what I got you?”

“I’m not blind, idiot,” Lukas hisses. “It’s coffee.” He sighs. “Don’t tell me _______________ asked you to deliver some for me.”

“She did,” his friend grins. “Hey, so you never told me what happened that night when you came back from the bar.”

“You don’t need to know,” Lukas emotionlessly replies, his eyes falling upon the coffee. If his assumptions are accurate, then the coffee Mathias is holding is made by none other than _________________. Her coffee is superior to the kind he drinks at the university. He can use it right now if anything.

“Ooh, you’re worried I’m going to tell other people,” his friend teases him with a sly smirk.

Lukas throws him a dark, untrusting look. “Damn right I’m worried. With that big mouth of yours, you’re bound to tell the entire university down to the custodians. I won’t have it.”

“But if you’re so secretive, it means something happened, right?”

A curse comes fumbling out of Lukas’ mouth. Of all the times his friend has to be observant, why does he have to express himself now?

“It’s nothing worth bragging about,” he flatly says. “Anyway, you came here as a delivery boy, right? Just give me the coffee. I’ll thank _____________ when I get the chance.”

“Fine, fine,” Mathias chuckles and hands him the cup marked “BLACK” in bold, capital letters. Unlike Lukas’ illegible pre-doctoral handwriting, he can easily read _____________’s handwriting; it is not overly elegant, nor is it scribbled without a thought. As he gingerly wraps his hands around the cup, he discovers that the beverage is still a sufficient temperature to enjoy. Perfect for this grey weather.

“I’m holding you on your word, Lukas,” Mathias says as he heads out of his dorm. “And you’d better thank _______________ by tomorrow, or I’m going to ask her what you two did.”

“As if she’d tell you,” Lukas haughtily snorts. He does not say “Thank you” or “Farewell” to his friend as he walks down the hallway to wherever his next bothersome destination may be. At least now he has something new to enjoy by himself.

He takes his first sip. As expected, it is delicious. He does not know if Mathias will really ask ________________ about the events of that night, but he does not plan on letting her generosity go unmentioned. Thinking about her, he wonders if she will notice his drastic change in appearance. Mathias sure did not, and yet at the same time, Lukas does not believe she is close enough to him to where he expects her to know. He would rather know the answer to a different question—one that is a cause of his sleep-deprived nights: why did she kiss him?

Another sip slides down his throat, filling his stomach with an additional helping of bitter, pure coffee. The tastes lingers on his tongue like the kiss she gave him. It remains etched into his memories, a gesture fleeting but not forgotten—much like the coffee he is drinking. He will not be forgetting the taste any time soon.

-----

The familiar jingle of the bell latched on top of the door rings as Lukas comes inside the café. He planned it so he would come after the rush hours are over, and he is right on schedule. _________________ is preparing a new brew behind the counter as he walks up and gives her his usual order, not bothering to acknowledge her with a friendly greeting.

“Black coffee,” he says, and that is all he needs to say.

“Tall and caffeinated, Lukas?” the barista smiles as she meets him eye to eye.

“Yes,” he nods and hands her his cash, receives his receipt, and waits. As he watches her prepare his order, he catches something in her eye just before she turns around. It is as though she has something to say, but it will have to wait until later to bring up. She is working at the moment, and he does not want to put her job into jeopardy.

“Here you are,” she says as she hands him his drink, the same refreshing aroma seeping out through the sipping area of the cap.

“Thank you,” Lukas quietly says and takes a careful sip. It is, as expected, delicious. He tells her so. “It’s good.”

“Thank you,” ________________ chuckles. “So Mathias gave you the drink yesterday?”

“Yes. Thank you for that, as well.”

“That’s good,” she says as though in relief. “I was almost afraid he was going to drink it himself.”

Lukas shakes his head. “He wouldn’t. He doesn’t drink it black.”

“Figures,” __________________ shrugs. “He seems like a milk kind of guy. But Mathias aside, are you doing alright, Lukas?”

He blinks. “How so?”

“You don’t…” __________________ hesitates. “You don’t look so good. Is school killing you, or something?”

“I’m fine.”

“If you say so. You’re the med student, not me.”

So she notices, Lukas realizes. He does not know if he should be grateful in this kind of her consideration, but he does not wish to express it in a place like this.

“________________,” he begins, “are you free tomorrow night at ten?” He does not wish to cut corners or butter her up with words. He will not crawl up towards his proposals or intentions. Her time is precious to her. Lukas’ time is precious to him.

_______________ does not answer him right away. If anything, she is thrown off-guard by his sudden question, something she clearly does not expect from someone so distant. Lukas hoped for this reaction: it means there are things she still does not expect to see from him, and he wants to keep it that way.

“Yeah, I’m free tomorrow,” she finally answers. “Um, so where do you want to—?”

“Your place,” Lukas answers, cutting her off. His intentions are not as dark as he sounds; the main reason he wants to go to her dorm instead of his is so Mathias will not be able to interrupt them. He wants a private place where he can talk to her. In a place where the space is hers, she will be herself. There will be nothing to hide from him. He hopes this way he will get the answers he needs. Fortunately, ____________ is quick to think, too, and she understands this all within a few seconds of registration.

“Sure,” she smiles. “I’ll be free by then. So I’m guessing you’re not going to stop by tomorrow?”

“Can’t,” he says. “I have a test tomorrow.”

“Hmm, study hard, then.” Lukas likes this response. She could have easily said “Good luck,” but there is hardly any luck involved in examinations. There is no luck involved in medicine, just complex calculations—some so complex that they are simply beyond humanity’s control. Luck has nothing to do with it.

“I will,” he responds and gives her a curt nod before leaving, no questions about the night asked, no awkward flashes of out-of-the-ordinary emotions, just a simple conversation between two acquaintances in a café: a customer and a familiar employee.

The bell rings when he pushes open the door, and the warm air that once blanketed him in its rich aroma melts away. Stray leaves crunch beneath his feet, and there have already been a few drifts of snow falling onto the university grounds for the past couple of days. Winter is not too far away now.

-----

_______________ shows no sign of apprehension when she invites Lukas inside. There are few words exchanged between the two before she offers him a seat on her study chair. When he takes a seat he opens himself up to questions. Since this is a dorm room, there are no snacks or refreshments to be offered. It is just the two of them.

“So why did you kiss me, ________________?” he asks without building himself up to his main question. There is a pause before she answers. He gives her some time to think and process the question. In the time that she answers, he will be formulating his next question connecting to her response.

“I…Okay. Truth be told, Lukas, I wanted to get a reaction out of you.”

So that is how she wanted to play. Lukas has to refrain from pulling his lips into a disapproving frown. It might be that she was playing with him on a humorous level rather than an emotional one, though if she planned on getting underneath his tough shell, she succeeded.

“What sort of reaction?” he asks in a monotonous voice.

______________ does not move. “I wanted to see if you would take initiative.”

Lukas remembers. He can recall the way he began to force himself onto her. He would have grabbed her waist and held her. He would have resorted to primitive measures if he so chose to. He was in control that night. There would have been no possible way for her to overpower him if he chose to take it further. For _____________ to remember wanting to get that sort of reaction from him is impressive—almost seductive. She fascinates him.

“Do you think you were drunk?” he continues on with his next question.

_______________ shakes her head. “No. I wouldn’t remember if I was. I think. I’m pretty sure I wanted to see you do something.”

“Why?” he asks.

“Because I like you.”

“Like,” he repeats. Not love. “You like Mathias.”

“Køhler?” ________________ raises an eyebrow. “No, he’s more of a friendly rival or brother to me. I can’t imagine kissing Køhler.” Lukas lets his breath out. So that is not the case. He has one thing cleared up. Perhaps he will be more tolerant of his friend now.

“If you wouldn’t kiss Mathias, why would you kiss me?”

“I told you, didn’t I?” ________________ smirks. “It’s because I like you.”

Her words do not register with his thought process. “You hardly know me.”

“True, but I don’t think I needed to know you to do that.” She crosses her legs. “Let me ask you a question: do you like me?”

Now it is Lukas’ turn to pause and her words run through his head. He has never thought about in depth before. To him, she is someone who is there, someone besides Mathias that he can cling to for companionship when no one else will in this tightrope walk of a university. Though he worded his answers to where he can captivate her and increase her interest towards him, he did not bother to wonder if he truly felt something more than desire for her. He does not know.

“I might,” he ambiguously answers. “I don’t know yet.”

“You and me both,” _______________ laughs, an unexpected reaction.

“Will you mind if I do?” Lukas adds to his list of questions.

“No,” _______________ responds. “I think it’d be an honor. Have you ever wondered why you might like me?”

Lukas blinks. He nearly smiles. “It might be because I desire companionship,” he guilty answers.

_______________ leans closer to him. “So if anyone reached out and noticed you, you would want that person’s company regardless?”

“I don’t know,” Lukas truthfully answers. “I don’t want to think so. I want to think there is something special about you—coffee aside. Perhaps it’s the little things.”

“The little things,” she repeats. “And Køhler?”

“Mathias is special, too—on more levels than one.”

“I can understand that,” ____________ chuckles. “There is no formula for those kinds of things.”

Lukas cannot help but dryly laugh. “As if anything you base your foundation on has anything to do with formulas. Your job is to adjust them and manipulate them, __________________, isn’t it?”

“Perhaps,” she admits with a short laugh. She pauses. “Lukas, do you want to go out with me one day?”

This catches him completely off-guard. He did not interpret that question so suddenly, let alone in this state of their relationship. They can be hardly considered friends or even colleagues. Why would she…? How—? He did not understand. It was beyond his comprehension. He did not expect a question like this to arise so early into this stage. If anything, he thought he would be the one to ask a question like that to her, and this was only if their relationship progresses to a comfortable state. It is irrational, unthinkable, out of context. He did not predict something like this to happen. He cannot react fast enough. _________________ is much too far away from him to reach.

“I wasn’t joking, you know,” _______________ says. “I’m being serious.”

Lukas’ hands are clenched into tight, nervous fists. He thinks he is trembling, but his mind is in too much confusion to know right from wrong. She has him now. Her strain of thinking is something he could not—cannot not—prepare for. She has him rendered speechless.

“Lukas…? If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I didn’t think someone like you would react like this.”

“No,” he quickly responds. “I…I would like that—very much. It’s just that…with finals coming up, I don’t see how we could—”

“Oh, that?” _______________ suddenly laughs. “Køhler actually gave me your address, you know.”

Lukas’ gaze drops to the floor. His flustered state is now replaced with one of distrust and contempt towards his big-mouthed friend.

“Did he now?” he flatly responds.

“Yep. Turns out we don’t live too far away. It’s within driving distance.”

“What a small world we live in,” Lukas sarcastically replies. “So sometime during winter vacation?”

“Why not?”

“Why now?” he asks back.

________________ moves closer to him. “Because in the time that we get to know each other before hand, it slips by us,” she says. “I don’t know about you, but I’d rather spend time being able to know you without being an employee and a customer or just two people going to the same university, wouldn’t you agree?”

Time is money. Lukas can relate. There is economic sense in her reasoning among others. Her ability to understand the status of their relationship makes sense to him. Since they are people who value their time in order to make money, they cannot afford to develop something so slowly. Once again, it is hardly romantic, though Lukas is starting to feel the effects of _____________’s spontaneous decision-making growing on him. He understands it all now: why she did what she did; it was sprung from a spark of fascination, and both parties were included. Such a realization makes Lukas admire her even more. Her thought process far exceeds that of his own; he cannot hope to keep up. This is what compels him to desire her. In fact, he can say the lasting effects are something that stirs a different emotion deep inside of him.

“I get it,” he says once he realizes these things. “It makes sense. Your way of thinking is impressive.”

“No, it’s just me being me, Lukas,” ________________ laughs again, the sound of his name ringing clearly and pleasantly in his ears. “So you’re taking it into consideration?”

“I’m agreeing to it.”

_________________ smiles. “Fantastic. I hope we can see each other again during the winter vacation.”

“Sure,” he nods. “I look forward to it.”

-----

Lukas arrives thirty minutes before the set time as insurance. He thinks it is best to be the one waiting for _________________ instead of the other way around even though the crowded atmosphere of the shopping mall makes him uneasy. He has thought of what to do and what to say to her down to the simplest comment or compliment. While he waits, he pictures what she might look like when he sees her again. He wonders if her hair has gotten longer or if she smells the same. He hopes her smile is as familiar as he found it before, and he longs to hear her laughing.

“Is this what is feels like?” he asks himself.

“Is what like what?” a voice asks from behind.

Lukas nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears someone talking beside him. When he looks over, he is shocked to see ________________ smiling at him. She has not changed at all.

“You…!” he gasps. “I didn’t think you’d come for another twenty minutes…”

“Better to be safe than sorry, Lukas,” _______________ chuckles. “Shall we go?”

“…Yes,” he says and leads her out of the mall. “So how are things at home?”

“Fine,” she replies. “And you?”

Lukas purses his lips. “My brother’s friend is staying over at our house for the entire winter vacation. It’s nice knowing he has someone close to him, but…”

“But you’re jealous?”

“Somewhat,” he shamefully confesses.

“We can all get like that,” _________________ sighs with a weak smile. “You know, when I told my parents I was coming out here with a medical student, they started flipping out because they thought I was thinking of eloping with you. They didn’t want their precious daughter leaving them so soon.”

Lukas swallows. The thought is absurd since he is not the type of person to get involved in such activities, though he would not mind eloping with her in another place or in another time.

“Parents are funny, aren’t they?”

Lukas silently nods in agreement.

_______________ smiles and cranes her head towards the open sky. They have exited the shopping mall and are walking into the chilled winter air. A few snowflakes touch her cheeks, melting into little droplets as the temperature adjusts.

“We’re adults now,” she says. “We can make decisions for ourselves. I keep telling myself that so I can continue to act mature when I need to, but you know something? Sometimes I wish I could have done things over again. When I got into grad school, I thought maybe a part of me that I should have enjoyed as an undergrad just flew right over me. Do you get like that sometimes?”

“Sometimes,” Lukas echoes. He knows that he did not forget the time he was in school prior to attending Eliatha University; rather, he had no memories to carry with him. He had no experiences to share, and if he did, he had no one to share them with. Mathias was a rare exception, but even he was hard to relate to. Being able to spend time with _____________ like this made him see just how ignorant and distant he had been all of this time. He wants to tell her this. It is closing in on the point of desperation, but his mouth his closed. The words refuse to come out. He hates himself for that.

“How’d you think you did on your finals?” ______________ asks.

“Fine,” Lukas shortly replies.

“After this, you have to go through actual training, right?”

“Yes.”

_________________ smiles. “I’m going to be training under a lawyer, myself. Mathias is, too. Did he tell you?”

Lukas furrows his eyebrows. “Too many times to count.”

_________________ laughs. When her voice dies down again, the silence returns, screaming into both of their ears. “But since I’m going to be going through an internship, I can’t balance my time between school and work. Next year I won’t be working at the café.”

“A shame,” Lukas replies, his voice indifferent, but his chest tightening to her words. While it is true that the café he previously frequented will be open for business again, he will miss the taste of her coffee and the visits he would pay her. Even after she will graduate and move on with her life, she will leave him behind—Mathias included. He will be stuck in med school for another handful of years before finally earning his license.

“I’m going to miss your visits, you know,” _______________ then says, her hands wrapping around her back. “You’ve been an interesting customer.”

“Is that a compliment or an insult?” he asks, unsure if she dares to be playful with him.

“Compliment,” she chuckles. “You’ve always been my most interesting customer. I was never able to read you the way I wanted to. You’d make an interesting lawyer if you became one.”

A faint smile spreads on Lukas’ face. Hearing those words through her voice offers reassurance and comfort. Like all things that passed him by, the little act of walking two extra blocks will also come to a close, and he will be left all alone again. He knows that from here, Mathias will go off to find clients after graduating, and so will _______________. They might call each other up once in a while, but Lukas’ reliance can only last for so long. He wishes it were not so.

“Lukas, can I ask you something?” _______________ speaks up.

“You’re asking me something right now, _________________” he replies with a technical response; it is one of his ways of teasing others.

“Not that,” she giggles. “Something else.”

“I’m listening,” he tells her.

Before speaking, ________________ takes in a deep breath through her scarf. When she lets her breath out again, the air condenses into a misty puff of miniature water droplets. Lukas occasionally does the same thing, expect his breath is shallow, and the clouds are nearly not as large.

“When I graduate, will you miss me?”

“Yes.” He does not hesitate or pause to give himself room for thought. It is the undeniable truth.

“How much?” she presses.

“A lot,” he says. “I can’t compare it to anything, but it’s a lot.”

“A lot is pretty big,” ______________ laughs. “It depends on how much land you have, though.”

Lukas furrows his eyebrows. “I don’t get it.”

“Never mind,” she smiles. “It’s fine. I’m glad you’re going to miss me, though.”

“Of course,” he murmurs.

The rest of the evening is spent walking and exchanging short conversations. Most of the conversations are trivial and unimportant; often the only thing they talk about is their relationships within their families and little memories that they might have had in school as undergraduate students. For that brief spell of time, Lukas forgets about everything. He forgets that he was ever a solitary student shutting himself in the confinements of his room and aimlessly watching his colleagues from afar. He pushes back the stresses of having to keep up with his classes in school and the fact that from here on out, he will have to improve his interactions with his patients if he is to properly see to their problems. At the same time, he knows why Mathias was always so eager to befriend the people around him: it was inviting. He knows that humans are social creatures seeking companionship, and Lukas is no different. He seeks out _______________’s company, and at this moment, he has it. Soon, the night goes by, and before they know it, it is well past the time they should be staying out.

“It’s late,” Lukas says as they stop to take a rest on a public bench.

“Mm-hmm,” _________________ agrees.

“Is it alright with your parents that you’re out this late?”

“Lukas, we’re adults,” she softly laughs. “They’ll be fine—as long as I come home in one piece.”

“You’ll go home in one piece,” Lukas chuckles. That is when he feels something pressing against his shoulder. ________________ appears to be exhausted from the talking they did at such a late hour. He already noticed her eyes were starting to droop, and her voice was not as clear and lively as before. Now, he can feel the warmth of her body channeling over to his, the scent of her hair making him dizzy with intoxication. Closing his eyes, he buries his nose into her locks and intakes her scent, the smell as inviting and as strong as before. Soon, his hand is caressing hers, cloth against cloth. They are both wearing gloves, though for someone as unsociable and cold as Lukas, he thinks this is an appropriate level of progression in their relationship.

Another few minutes tick by before Lukas begins to feel the sudden drop of _______________’s head. He realizes that she nodded off, her steady breathing sinking into his jacket at such close proximity. It is different than the time they were walking back from the bar. The level of intimacy displayed is of a closer range to the point of contact, and Lukas feels something beyond tangible comfort in the midst of ______________’s presence.

A snowflake kisses his cheek, and soon after, others follow. From a distance, the echoes of a dog barking and a car alarm blaring reach his ears, but the sound of his breathing is louder still. As he bats away the crystals with his eyelashes, he notices the way the streetlight glows against the condensing moisture, its orange light illuminating the cobblestone path like a friendly electronic fire in the darkness. Aside the occasional pedestrian, he and _______________ are the only ones in the park, side by side, sitting together in content solitude.

Then, Lukas shifts his position to ________________’s facial features and studies them. He moves down: from her hair, to her closed eyes, to the bridge of her nose, and to her lips. He thinks, as a woman, she will tell him she is not perfect, but his opinion is stated otherwise. To him, she is beautiful, a composition beyond theories and equations to an extent he cannot explain. Lukas’ eyes are still fixated on her lips; he wants to touch them. He wonders if she is wearing the same fruit-flavored lip balm she wore those weeks ago. In the time he walked with her, he did not detect the faintest trace of alcohol on her breath. She must taste different by now. But how she tastes is what compels him to lean forward and plant his lips delicately on hers. When he moves away, her eyes are alert and open, the lingering sweet taste of her lips lasting on his own. They say nothing as they stand up together, only this time, they do not separate themselves with an invisible wall. Together they walk hand in hand, shoulder against shoulder, the warmth of their bodies combined in between.

-----

Emil and Leon are waiting by the front door when Lukas returns home. The first thing he notices is the anticipating look on their faces when he finally opens the door and announces his return. Emil looks sheepish, and Leon looks sly. They could only have been scheming something upon his return. Whatever it is, Lukas does not plan to let them get the best of him.

“So how was your date, Lukas?” Emil asks.

Lukas does not make eye contact with his brother as he removes his shoes and makes his way to his bedroom. Their parents are still out shopping making him the head of the house now.

“I thought I heard something calling my name,” he says, his voice sounding spacey and otherworldly.

Emil glowers at his brother. Leon smirks as he speaks in his friend’s place. “Brother, how was your date?”

This time, Lukas gives Leon his full attention, a subtle way of teasing Emil whenever he failed to address him as “Brother.”

“It was nice,” he says.

“And?” Leon presses. “Did you kiss?”

“What makes you think that?”

“Like, isn’t it common for you to kiss if a date goes well?”

“It’s not,” Emil frowns. “He’s not the type of person to do that.”

“We did,” Lukas says in a straightforward sentence.

“I knew it!” Leon cries, a sure expression of triumph glowing in his eyes. Emil, on the other hand, cranes his head so low that Lukas cannot see his face anymore.

“What’s this all about?” he asks, his sapphire eyes narrowing.

Emil’s friend pats his shoulder as if in comfort. “We made a bet on whether or not you’d, like, have your first kiss on your date,” he grins. “Guess I won this round, Emil. You don’t know your brother as well as you thought you did, after all.”

“Shut up,” Emil grumbles.

Lukas blinks. “You took bets on something like that? I hope to the gods you didn’t pick that up from Cheng, Emil.”

“I didn’t,” Emil denies while he unwillingly hands over a small folded stack of bills to Leon’s eager hands. It seems they are used to this sort of thing. So he is lying.

“But I should let you know, Leon, that you didn’t win the bet.”

Leon pauses. “Like, how?”

“The kiss we shared tonight wasn’t our first.”

“What?”

“Fork it over,” Emil sneers and takes back his money.

Lukas shakes his head as the two boys sort out their bet. He will have to have a talk with Cheng later. When he returns to his room, he looks through his contact information until he sees Mathias’ name on the list. It is thanks to him that he was able to spend time with ______________ like this tonight. Without him, he would have never known she lived close by. He will have to call him and thank him when he gets the chance—as much as he does not look forward to it. Because of his obnoxious, talkative friend, he was able to experience something he has never felt outside of his family before, and he enjoys this feeling. He knows that after his friends graduate and move on without him, he will be able to keep in touch with them. A little visit here and there in between, and some laughter exchanged will be sufficient to tell him everything is alright.

Upon looking forward to his next encounter with _____________, he looks at his open door. Leon and Emil are practically adults now and able to take care of themselves without setting the house on fire. On that note, he closes and locks his bedroom door and pulls out his book bag. His anatomy textbook should be inside. So, he takes it out, pulls it open to a certain groove in the spine, and begins to study.

Description
~The Lasting Version~

It is late autumn. The trees surrounding Eliatha University are bare, and the streets are swept clean for the coming of finals. In this time, Lukas has not visited _________________. He has not found the courage to face her and ask her why she did what she did. The easiest way will be to ask Mathias to ask her, but Lukas knows that is being selfish and cowardly. He will not take this route, though he has little other options to choose from. Another easy option would be to convince himself that she was drunk and could not make rational decisions on the fly. Perhaps she saw it as a friendly gesture, a way of thanking him for choosing her over Mathias; however, Lukas cannot bring himself to believe ______________ of all people would choose to kiss someone so easily. It was hardly romantic.

The scenario rewinds in his head like a recorded television program. He has pondered all of the different angles, the different reasons, and the different possibilities that might have resulted in this new turn of events. The sensation of the kiss still lingers on his lips like the ghost of petals upon his flesh, reminding him of the impulsiveness and abrupt spur of energy he felt. To his surprise and frustration, he wants more. He does not want to simply keep a bottle of a memory inside his memories; he wants it at his disposal.

Lukas has not had a proper sleep for days. The effects of his conflicted emotional problems thrown on top of his personal academic workload are taking a toll on his health. Performance-wise, he is still able to keep up with lectures and studying, but he finds his eyes growing weary by the hour, the sound of his professors’ voices muffling into nothing but incomprehensible blurbs, and he has not been this thin in his entire life. Whenever he goes out, he fears he will see ______________ around the premise. He fears confronting her directly. It is impossible to get her alone without creating some type of suspicion from third parties. He does not have any of her personal contact information. All he can do is hide. As a result of all of this, he has barely eaten enough to fulfill his daily nutritional requirements; it is rather ironic of him considering he is a med student currently studying in-depth nutrition. Of course, due to his inability to see the negative, Mathias does not even notice the changes in his friend’s health. To him, Lukas looks as gaunt as he always appears—no more, no less.

Some friend he is, Lukas thinks. He rubs his strained eyes and thinks to look in the mirror. He wonders what he will see. Contradictory to his primed look, Lukas does not think too much about his appearance; he does not need to see if he is presentable or not because like Mathias with his naturally wild hair, Lukas is fairly attractive the way he is. So, he tells himself, he should not be surprised to see what has become of him for these past few days under stress.

But, as he brings the mirror up to his view, he nearly gasps at his image. His skin is almost devoid of color; he is already pale, but this is on a level that is far too light for his own good. His usually fair and soft blonde hair looks unkempt and messy despite taking a bath every single night, and there are tufts and sprigs sticking out on all sides. And his eyes. Mathias was right: looking at himself is like looking into a dead man’s. His sapphire-blue irises are dull as distilled water, the skin under his eyes darkened and lacking circulation due to the long nights he has pulled. He recalls not drinking enough fluids or getting proper circulation into his bloodstream. And after all of this, no one bothered to say anything, those unreliable brutes.

But Lukas has to correct himself. It is he who should be blamed. He is the one who decided to remain cold and distant to everyone around him. It is no wonder no one bothered to ask him about his state before. Mathias is on an entirely different level. Lukas could very well throw himself into the river, and he suspects his oblivious friend would still talk to his boated corpse like he was still alive and kicking. The only other person Lukas thinks might make a comment on his ghastly appearance is _____________, but he has been avoiding her for the past few days without seeing her around the campus. She is out of the question.

Frowning and unable to stare at himself any longer, Lukas sets the mirror face down on his shelf and throws himself upon his bed. The term is nearly over with the coming of winter, and finals are approaching. He cannot afford to take things easy, but he knows if he continues to go on with this, he will eventually crash and burn before exams even begin.

Sleep is what he needs, he decides. All he will have to do is eat a little more and sleep a little longer. There is no harm in indulging just enough to keep yourself going, Lukas thinks. As he closes his eyes, he believes he is making the right decision. It feels nice to finally allow his eyes to relax, and his breathing is not as strained as before. His pulse steadies itself to an even heartbeat, and in time, the only thing Lukas can sense from the outside world is the sound of his own even breath. That is, until—

“Lukas! Are you there?!”

“Damn you, Mathias!” Lukas growls as he throws open his eyes and springs up from his covers. “What do you want now?!”

“I’m coming in!” his friend announces without bothering to ask for permission first. Lukas knows he can do nothing but wait until his friend lets himself inside and makes a scene in his dorm. Sometimes he wishes he picked a better friend.

When Mathias comes inside, he is not empty-handed. He is holding what appears to be one of those recyclable carrying trays used for cushioning coffee cups in their sockets. Sure enough, there are three coffees nestled inside the cardboard. It is a good thing he is carrying hot liquid, too. If he were not, Lukas would have thrown himself on Mathias. He does not want to risk getting hot coffee or stains on his dorm floor. It would mean having to pay a fine. It will be an inconvenience.

“I thought you’d be in here,” Mathias beams, his smile as bright as the summer sun in the gloomy autumn dusk. “Guess what I got you?”

“I’m not blind, idiot,” Lukas hisses. “It’s coffee.” He sighs. “Don’t tell me _______________ asked you to deliver some for me.”

“She did,” his friend grins. “Hey, so you never told me what happened that night when you came back from the bar.”

“You don’t need to know,” Lukas emotionlessly replies, his eyes falling upon the coffee. If his assumptions are accurate, then the coffee Mathias is holding is made by none other than _________________. Her coffee is superior to the kind he drinks at the university. He can use it right now if anything.

“Ooh, you’re worried I’m going to tell other people,” his friend teases him with a sly smirk.

Lukas throws him a dark, untrusting look. “Damn right I’m worried. With that big mouth of yours, you’re bound to tell the entire university down to the custodians. I won’t have it.”

“But if you’re so secretive, it means something happened, right?”

A curse comes fumbling out of Lukas’ mouth. Of all the times his friend has to be observant, why does he have to express himself now?

“It’s nothing worth bragging about,” he flatly says. “Anyway, you came here as a delivery boy, right? Just give me the coffee. I’ll thank _____________ when I get the chance.”

“Fine, fine,” Mathias chuckles and hands him the cup marked “BLACK” in bold, capital letters. Unlike Lukas’ illegible pre-doctoral handwriting, he can easily read _____________’s handwriting; it is not overly elegant, nor is it scribbled without a thought. As he gingerly wraps his hands around the cup, he discovers that the beverage is still a sufficient temperature to enjoy. Perfect for this grey weather.

“I’m holding you on your word, Lukas,” Mathias says as he heads out of his dorm. “And you’d better thank _______________ by tomorrow, or I’m going to ask her what you two did.”

“As if she’d tell you,” Lukas haughtily snorts. He does not say “Thank you” or “Farewell” to his friend as he walks down the hallway to wherever his next bothersome destination may be. At least now he has something new to enjoy by himself.

He takes his first sip. As expected, it is delicious. He does not know if Mathias will really ask ________________ about the events of that night, but he does not plan on letting her generosity go unmentioned. Thinking about her, he wonders if she will notice his drastic change in appearance. Mathias sure did not, and yet at the same time, Lukas does not believe she is close enough to him to where he expects her to know. He would rather know the answer to a different question—one that is a cause of his sleep-deprived nights: why did she kiss him?

Another sip slides down his throat, filling his stomach with an additional helping of bitter, pure coffee. The tastes lingers on his tongue like the kiss she gave him. It remains etched into his memories, a gesture fleeting but not forgotten—much like the coffee he is drinking. He will not be forgetting the taste any time soon.

-----

The familiar jingle of the bell latched on top of the door rings as Lukas comes inside the café. He planned it so he would come after the rush hours are over, and he is right on schedule. _________________ is preparing a new brew behind the counter as he walks up and gives her his usual order, not bothering to acknowledge her with a friendly greeting.

“Black coffee,” he says, and that is all he needs to say.

“Tall and caffeinated, Lukas?” the barista smiles as she meets him eye to eye.

“Yes,” he nods and hands her his cash, receives his receipt, and waits. As he watches her prepare his order, he catches something in her eye just before she turns around. It is as though she has something to say, but it will have to wait until later to bring up. She is working at the moment, and he does not want to put her job into jeopardy.

“Here you are,” she says as she hands him his drink, the same refreshing aroma seeping out through the sipping area of the cap.

“Thank you,” Lukas quietly says and takes a careful sip. It is, as expected, delicious. He tells her so. “It’s good.”

“Thank you,” ________________ chuckles. “So Mathias gave you the drink yesterday?”

“Yes. Thank you for that, as well.”

“That’s good,” she says as though in relief. “I was almost afraid he was going to drink it himself.”

Lukas shakes his head. “He wouldn’t. He doesn’t drink it black.”

“Figures,” __________________ shrugs. “He seems like a milk kind of guy. But Mathias aside, are you doing alright, Lukas?”

He blinks. “How so?”

“You don’t…” __________________ hesitates. “You don’t look so good. Is school killing you, or something?”

“I’m fine.”

“If you say so. You’re the med student, not me.”

So she notices, Lukas realizes. He does not know if he should be grateful in this kind of her consideration, but he does not wish to express it in a place like this.

“________________,” he begins, “are you free tomorrow night at ten?” He does not wish to cut corners or butter her up with words. He will not crawl up towards his proposals or intentions. Her time is precious to her. Lukas’ time is precious to him.

_______________ does not answer him right away. If anything, she is thrown off-guard by his sudden question, something she clearly does not expect from someone so distant. Lukas hoped for this reaction: it means there are things she still does not expect to see from him, and he wants to keep it that way.

“Yeah, I’m free tomorrow,” she finally answers. “Um, so where do you want to—?”

“Your place,” Lukas answers, cutting her off. His intentions are not as dark as he sounds; the main reason he wants to go to her dorm instead of his is so Mathias will not be able to interrupt them. He wants a private place where he can talk to her. In a place where the space is hers, she will be herself. There will be nothing to hide from him. He hopes this way he will get the answers he needs. Fortunately, ____________ is quick to think, too, and she understands this all within a few seconds of registration.

“Sure,” she smiles. “I’ll be free by then. So I’m guessing you’re not going to stop by tomorrow?”

“Can’t,” he says. “I have a test tomorrow.”

“Hmm, study hard, then.” Lukas likes this response. She could have easily said “Good luck,” but there is hardly any luck involved in examinations. There is no luck involved in medicine, just complex calculations—some so complex that they are simply beyond humanity’s control. Luck has nothing to do with it.

“I will,” he responds and gives her a curt nod before leaving, no questions about the night asked, no awkward flashes of out-of-the-ordinary emotions, just a simple conversation between two acquaintances in a café: a customer and a familiar employee.

The bell rings when he pushes open the door, and the warm air that once blanketed him in its rich aroma melts away. Stray leaves crunch beneath his feet, and there have already been a few drifts of snow falling onto the university grounds for the past couple of days. Winter is not too far away now.

-----

_______________ shows no sign of apprehension when she invites Lukas inside. There are few words exchanged between the two before she offers him a seat on her study chair. When he takes a seat he opens himself up to questions. Since this is a dorm room, there are no snacks or refreshments to be offered. It is just the two of them.

“So why did you kiss me, ________________?” he asks without building himself up to his main question. There is a pause before she answers. He gives her some time to think and process the question. In the time that she answers, he will be formulating his next question connecting to her response.

“I…Okay. Truth be told, Lukas, I wanted to get a reaction out of you.”

So that is how she wanted to play. Lukas has to refrain from pulling his lips into a disapproving frown. It might be that she was playing with him on a humorous level rather than an emotional one, though if she planned on getting underneath his tough shell, she succeeded.

“What sort of reaction?” he asks in a monotonous voice.

______________ does not move. “I wanted to see if you would take initiative.”

Lukas remembers. He can recall the way he began to force himself onto her. He would have grabbed her waist and held her. He would have resorted to primitive measures if he so chose to. He was in control that night. There would have been no possible way for her to overpower him if he chose to take it further. For _____________ to remember wanting to get that sort of reaction from him is impressive—almost seductive. She fascinates him.

“Do you think you were drunk?” he continues on with his next question.

_______________ shakes her head. “No. I wouldn’t remember if I was. I think. I’m pretty sure I wanted to see you do something.”

“Why?” he asks.

“Because I like you.”

“Like,” he repeats. Not love. “You like Mathias.”

“Køhler?” ________________ raises an eyebrow. “No, he’s more of a friendly rival or brother to me. I can’t imagine kissing Køhler.” Lukas lets his breath out. So that is not the case. He has one thing cleared up. Perhaps he will be more tolerant of his friend now.

“If you wouldn’t kiss Mathias, why would you kiss me?”

“I told you, didn’t I?” ________________ smirks. “It’s because I like you.”

Her words do not register with his thought process. “You hardly know me.”

“True, but I don’t think I needed to know you to do that.” She crosses her legs. “Let me ask you a question: do you like me?”

Now it is Lukas’ turn to pause and her words run through his head. He has never thought about in depth before. To him, she is someone who is there, someone besides Mathias that he can cling to for companionship when no one else will in this tightrope walk of a university. Though he worded his answers to where he can captivate her and increase her interest towards him, he did not bother to wonder if he truly felt something more than desire for her. He does not know.

“I might,” he ambiguously answers. “I don’t know yet.”

“You and me both,” _______________ laughs, an unexpected reaction.

“Will you mind if I do?” Lukas adds to his list of questions.

“No,” _______________ responds. “I think it’d be an honor. Have you ever wondered why you might like me?”

Lukas blinks. He nearly smiles. “It might be because I desire companionship,” he guilty answers.

_______________ leans closer to him. “So if anyone reached out and noticed you, you would want that person’s company regardless?”

“I don’t know,” Lukas truthfully answers. “I don’t want to think so. I want to think there is something special about you—coffee aside. Perhaps it’s the little things.”

“The little things,” she repeats. “And Køhler?”

“Mathias is special, too—on more levels than one.”

“I can understand that,” ____________ chuckles. “There is no formula for those kinds of things.”

Lukas cannot help but dryly laugh. “As if anything you base your foundation on has anything to do with formulas. Your job is to adjust them and manipulate them, __________________, isn’t it?”

“Perhaps,” she admits with a short laugh. She pauses. “Lukas, do you want to go out with me one day?”

This catches him completely off-guard. He did not interpret that question so suddenly, let alone in this state of their relationship. They can be hardly considered friends or even colleagues. Why would she…? How—? He did not understand. It was beyond his comprehension. He did not expect a question like this to arise so early into this stage. If anything, he thought he would be the one to ask a question like that to her, and this was only if their relationship progresses to a comfortable state. It is irrational, unthinkable, out of context. He did not predict something like this to happen. He cannot react fast enough. _________________ is much too far away from him to reach.

“I wasn’t joking, you know,” _______________ says. “I’m being serious.”

Lukas’ hands are clenched into tight, nervous fists. He thinks he is trembling, but his mind is in too much confusion to know right from wrong. She has him now. Her strain of thinking is something he could not—cannot not—prepare for. She has him rendered speechless.

“Lukas…? If you don’t want to, you don’t have to. I didn’t think someone like you would react like this.”

“No,” he quickly responds. “I…I would like that—very much. It’s just that…with finals coming up, I don’t see how we could—”

“Oh, that?” _______________ suddenly laughs. “Køhler actually gave me your address, you know.”

Lukas’ gaze drops to the floor. His flustered state is now replaced with one of distrust and contempt towards his big-mouthed friend.

“Did he now?” he flatly responds.

“Yep. Turns out we don’t live too far away. It’s within driving distance.”

“What a small world we live in,” Lukas sarcastically replies. “So sometime during winter vacation?”

“Why not?”

“Why now?” he asks back.

________________ moves closer to him. “Because in the time that we get to know each other before hand, it slips by us,” she says. “I don’t know about you, but I’d rather spend time being able to know you without being an employee and a customer or just two people going to the same university, wouldn’t you agree?”

Time is money. Lukas can relate. There is economic sense in her reasoning among others. Her ability to understand the status of their relationship makes sense to him. Since they are people who value their time in order to make money, they cannot afford to develop something so slowly. Once again, it is hardly romantic, though Lukas is starting to feel the effects of _____________’s spontaneous decision-making growing on him. He understands it all now: why she did what she did; it was sprung from a spark of fascination, and both parties were included. Such a realization makes Lukas admire her even more. Her thought process far exceeds that of his own; he cannot hope to keep up. This is what compels him to desire her. In fact, he can say the lasting effects are something that stirs a different emotion deep inside of him.

“I get it,” he says once he realizes these things. “It makes sense. Your way of thinking is impressive.”

“No, it’s just me being me, Lukas,” ________________ laughs again, the sound of his name ringing clearly and pleasantly in his ears. “So you’re taking it into consideration?”

“I’m agreeing to it.”

_________________ smiles. “Fantastic. I hope we can see each other again during the winter vacation.”

“Sure,” he nods. “I look forward to it.”

-----

Lukas arrives thirty minutes before the set time as insurance. He thinks it is best to be the one waiting for _________________ instead of the other way around even though the crowded atmosphere of the shopping mall makes him uneasy. He has thought of what to do and what to say to her down to the simplest comment or compliment. While he waits, he pictures what she might look like when he sees her again. He wonders if her hair has gotten longer or if she smells the same. He hopes her smile is as familiar as he found it before, and he longs to hear her laughing.

“Is this what is feels like?” he asks himself.

“Is what like what?” a voice asks from behind.

Lukas nearly jumps out of his skin when he hears someone talking beside him. When he looks over, he is shocked to see ________________ smiling at him. She has not changed at all.

“You…!” he gasps. “I didn’t think you’d come for another twenty minutes…”

“Better to be safe than sorry, Lukas,” _______________ chuckles. “Shall we go?”

“…Yes,” he says and leads her out of the mall. “So how are things at home?”

“Fine,” she replies. “And you?”

Lukas purses his lips. “My brother’s friend is staying over at our house for the entire winter vacation. It’s nice knowing he has someone close to him, but…”

“But you’re jealous?”

“Somewhat,” he shamefully confesses.

“We can all get like that,” _________________ sighs with a weak smile. “You know, when I told my parents I was coming out here with a medical student, they started flipping out because they thought I was thinking of eloping with you. They didn’t want their precious daughter leaving them so soon.”

Lukas swallows. The thought is absurd since he is not the type of person to get involved in such activities, though he would not mind eloping with her in another place or in another time.

“Parents are funny, aren’t they?”

Lukas silently nods in agreement.

_______________ smiles and cranes her head towards the open sky. They have exited the shopping mall and are walking into the chilled winter air. A few snowflakes touch her cheeks, melting into little droplets as the temperature adjusts.

“We’re adults now,” she says. “We can make decisions for ourselves. I keep telling myself that so I can continue to act mature when I need to, but you know something? Sometimes I wish I could have done things over again. When I got into grad school, I thought maybe a part of me that I should have enjoyed as an undergrad just flew right over me. Do you get like that sometimes?”

“Sometimes,” Lukas echoes. He knows that he did not forget the time he was in school prior to attending Eliatha University; rather, he had no memories to carry with him. He had no experiences to share, and if he did, he had no one to share them with. Mathias was a rare exception, but even he was hard to relate to. Being able to spend time with _____________ like this made him see just how ignorant and distant he had been all of this time. He wants to tell her this. It is closing in on the point of desperation, but his mouth his closed. The words refuse to come out. He hates himself for that.

“How’d you think you did on your finals?” ______________ asks.

“Fine,” Lukas shortly replies.

“After this, you have to go through actual training, right?”

“Yes.”

_________________ smiles. “I’m going to be training under a lawyer, myself. Mathias is, too. Did he tell you?”

Lukas furrows his eyebrows. “Too many times to count.”

_________________ laughs. When her voice dies down again, the silence returns, screaming into both of their ears. “But since I’m going to be going through an internship, I can’t balance my time between school and work. Next year I won’t be working at the café.”

“A shame,” Lukas replies, his voice indifferent, but his chest tightening to her words. While it is true that the café he previously frequented will be open for business again, he will miss the taste of her coffee and the visits he would pay her. Even after she will graduate and move on with her life, she will leave him behind—Mathias included. He will be stuck in med school for another handful of years before finally earning his license.

“I’m going to miss your visits, you know,” _______________ then says, her hands wrapping around her back. “You’ve been an interesting customer.”

“Is that a compliment or an insult?” he asks, unsure if she dares to be playful with him.

“Compliment,” she chuckles. “You’ve always been my most interesting customer. I was never able to read you the way I wanted to. You’d make an interesting lawyer if you became one.”

A faint smile spreads on Lukas’ face. Hearing those words through her voice offers reassurance and comfort. Like all things that passed him by, the little act of walking two extra blocks will also come to a close, and he will be left all alone again. He knows that from here, Mathias will go off to find clients after graduating, and so will _______________. They might call each other up once in a while, but Lukas’ reliance can only last for so long. He wishes it were not so.

“Lukas, can I ask you something?” _______________ speaks up.

“You’re asking me something right now, _________________” he replies with a technical response; it is one of his ways of teasing others.

“Not that,” she giggles. “Something else.”

“I’m listening,” he tells her.

Before speaking, ________________ takes in a deep breath through her scarf. When she lets her breath out again, the air condenses into a misty puff of miniature water droplets. Lukas occasionally does the same thing, expect his breath is shallow, and the clouds are nearly not as large.

“When I graduate, will you miss me?”

“Yes.” He does not hesitate or pause to give himself room for thought. It is the undeniable truth.

“How much?” she presses.

“A lot,” he says. “I can’t compare it to anything, but it’s a lot.”

“A lot is pretty big,” ______________ laughs. “It depends on how much land you have, though.”

Lukas furrows his eyebrows. “I don’t get it.”

“Never mind,” she smiles. “It’s fine. I’m glad you’re going to miss me, though.”

“Of course,” he murmurs.

The rest of the evening is spent walking and exchanging short conversations. Most of the conversations are trivial and unimportant; often the only thing they talk about is their relationships within their families and little memories that they might have had in school as undergraduate students. For that brief spell of time, Lukas forgets about everything. He forgets that he was ever a solitary student shutting himself in the confinements of his room and aimlessly watching his colleagues from afar. He pushes back the stresses of having to keep up with his classes in school and the fact that from here on out, he will have to improve his interactions with his patients if he is to properly see to their problems. At the same time, he knows why Mathias was always so eager to befriend the people around him: it was inviting. He knows that humans are social creatures seeking companionship, and Lukas is no different. He seeks out _______________’s company, and at this moment, he has it. Soon, the night goes by, and before they know it, it is well past the time they should be staying out.

“It’s late,” Lukas says as they stop to take a rest on a public bench.

“Mm-hmm,” _________________ agrees.

“Is it alright with your parents that you’re out this late?”

“Lukas, we’re adults,” she softly laughs. “They’ll be fine—as long as I come home in one piece.”

“You’ll go home in one piece,” Lukas chuckles. That is when he feels something pressing against his shoulder. ________________ appears to be exhausted from the talking they did at such a late hour. He already noticed her eyes were starting to droop, and her voice was not as clear and lively as before. Now, he can feel the warmth of her body channeling over to his, the scent of her hair making him dizzy with intoxication. Closing his eyes, he buries his nose into her locks and intakes her scent, the smell as inviting and as strong as before. Soon, his hand is caressing hers, cloth against cloth. They are both wearing gloves, though for someone as unsociable and cold as Lukas, he thinks this is an appropriate level of progression in their relationship.

Another few minutes tick by before Lukas begins to feel the sudden drop of _______________’s head. He realizes that she nodded off, her steady breathing sinking into his jacket at such close proximity. It is different than the time they were walking back from the bar. The level of intimacy displayed is of a closer range to the point of contact, and Lukas feels something beyond tangible comfort in the midst of ______________’s presence.

A snowflake kisses his cheek, and soon after, others follow. From a distance, the echoes of a dog barking and a car alarm blaring reach his ears, but the sound of his breathing is louder still. As he bats away the crystals with his eyelashes, he notices the way the streetlight glows against the condensing moisture, its orange light illuminating the cobblestone path like a friendly electronic fire in the darkness. Aside the occasional pedestrian, he and _______________ are the only ones in the park, side by side, sitting together in content solitude.

Then, Lukas shifts his position to ________________’s facial features and studies them. He moves down: from her hair, to her closed eyes, to the bridge of her nose, and to her lips. He thinks, as a woman, she will tell him she is not perfect, but his opinion is stated otherwise. To him, she is beautiful, a composition beyond theories and equations to an extent he cannot explain. Lukas’ eyes are still fixated on her lips; he wants to touch them. He wonders if she is wearing the same fruit-flavored lip balm she wore those weeks ago. In the time he walked with her, he did not detect the faintest trace of alcohol on her breath. She must taste different by now. But how she tastes is what compels him to lean forward and plant his lips delicately on hers. When he moves away, her eyes are alert and open, the lingering sweet taste of her lips lasting on his own. They say nothing as they stand up together, only this time, they do not separate themselves with an invisible wall. Together they walk hand in hand, shoulder against shoulder, the warmth of their bodies combined in between.

-----

Emil and Leon are waiting by the front door when Lukas returns home. The first thing he notices is the anticipating look on their faces when he finally opens the door and announces his return. Emil looks sheepish, and Leon looks sly. They could only have been scheming something upon his return. Whatever it is, Lukas does not plan to let them get the best of him.

“So how was your date, Lukas?” Emil asks.

Lukas does not make eye contact with his brother as he removes his shoes and makes his way to his bedroom. Their parents are still out shopping making him the head of the house now.

“I thought I heard something calling my name,” he says, his voice sounding spacey and otherworldly.

Emil glowers at his brother. Leon smirks as he speaks in his friend’s place. “Brother, how was your date?”

This time, Lukas gives Leon his full attention, a subtle way of teasing Emil whenever he failed to address him as “Brother.”

“It was nice,” he says.

“And?” Leon presses. “Did you kiss?”

“What makes you think that?”

“Like, isn’t it common for you to kiss if a date goes well?”

“It’s not,” Emil frowns. “He’s not the type of person to do that.”

“We did,” Lukas says in a straightforward sentence.

“I knew it!” Leon cries, a sure expression of triumph glowing in his eyes. Emil, on the other hand, cranes his head so low that Lukas cannot see his face anymore.

“What’s this all about?” he asks, his sapphire eyes narrowing.

Emil’s friend pats his shoulder as if in comfort. “We made a bet on whether or not you’d, like, have your first kiss on your date,” he grins. “Guess I won this round, Emil. You don’t know your brother as well as you thought you did, after all.”

“Shut up,” Emil grumbles.

Lukas blinks. “You took bets on something like that? I hope to the gods you didn’t pick that up from Cheng, Emil.”

“I didn’t,” Emil denies while he unwillingly hands over a small folded stack of bills to Leon’s eager hands. It seems they are used to this sort of thing. So he is lying.

“But I should let you know, Leon, that you didn’t win the bet.”

Leon pauses. “Like, how?”

“The kiss we shared tonight wasn’t our first.”

“What?”

“Fork it over,” Emil sneers and takes back his money.

Lukas shakes his head as the two boys sort out their bet. He will have to have a talk with Cheng later. When he returns to his room, he looks through his contact information until he sees Mathias’ name on the list. It is thanks to him that he was able to spend time with ______________ like this tonight. Without him, he would have never known she lived close by. He will have to call him and thank him when he gets the chance—as much as he does not look forward to it. Because of his obnoxious, talkative friend, he was able to experience something he has never felt outside of his family before, and he enjoys this feeling. He knows that after his friends graduate and move on without him, he will be able to keep in touch with them. A little visit here and there in between, and some laughter exchanged will be sufficient to tell him everything is alright.

Upon looking forward to his next encounter with _____________, he looks at his open door. Leon and Emil are practically adults now and able to take care of themselves without setting the house on fire. On that note, he closes and locks his bedroom door and pulls out his book bag. His anatomy textbook should be inside. So, he takes it out, pulls it open to a certain groove in the spine, and begins to study.