HOME | DD

Description
Sometimes I just want to hold onto something and scream. I want to grab it as tightly as possible so it is hurt in some way and yell at the world. And I want people to see me and hear me and understand the anguish that is coming from me at that moment. I want them to know the intensity with which I feel what I feel at that moment. I want them to be affected just like the thing in my hand that I've bent and destroyed with my hands. I want to scratch you so that you scar and can look at your skin and remember me as I'm crying out into the world.

My hands physically ache with the thought of wanting to do this. I have to keep them clenched and moving so that they don't do something I didn't will them to do. My foot has to keep tapping so that I don't walk away somewhere unsafe. I want to punch the cement wall. I want to kick the furniture. I want to destroy something so that I can stay whole inside.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME? DO YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL? HERE! LET ME SHOW YOU! LET ME FUCK YOU UP ON THE OUTSIDE! LET ME MAKE YOU UGLY! LET ME MARK YOU! DO YOU LIKE THAT? DO YOU LIKE SEEING ME HURT? DOES IT AFFECT YOU? DO YOU PITY ME? WELL, DON'T! BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE HERE! YOU CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!

Because I'm just sitting here doing my work. I'm sipping my coffee with a steady hand. My foot is only tapping to the music from my headphones. I'm fine.