HOME | DD
Hellanim β The First Time Ch1 Pg6
Published: 2011-04-20 05:02:18 +0000 UTC; Views: 2120; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 31
Redirect to original
Description
"THE FIRST TIME"Chapter 1 "The Hunters and The Prey"
Page 6
previous page: [link]
next page: coming soon
******
Harry Potter Fan comics... for challenge no. 6 ... because they have made me speechless.
Lets hope I will manage it whole in a time.
I will be grateful for any english correction, because I know I have a problem with that language
That is pure fan comics. It was made without the commercial purpose.
The characters belog to J.K.Rowling
Related content
Comments: 14
I don't know why I haven't commented on your comic before, it's amazing. I admire your ability to communicate so much through stylisation... It makes your work really compelling and strong. I hope you continue this
π: 0 β©: 1
Hi! Thanks for your support, I am going to continue, not yet, but soon just stay in touch
π: 0 β©: 0
Wow, this comic is intense! I love the look, the layout and your story! More please!
π: 0 β©: 0
I love it! It's so cruel, so awesome... and no poor Severus from my side, that's what he wanted! (well a bit sorry, but it's so wonderful done, I'm so impressed with all these harsh lines and the sounds...wonderful...)
π: 0 β©: 0
Even the word bubbles are superb, I'm loving how you depict the victim's pleas here.
π: 0 β©: 0
I guess with "the eyes like doe's" you're going for something like the expression "deer in the headlights"? I'll have to think about that a bit because I don't know if it's something wizards would be likely to say (not generally being in the habit of driving cars!)...
The chemistry set line, if you're wanting to take it from the PoA film, is something like "Why don't you go back and play with your chemistry set". In this case you might want an "or" - like "Either do it or go back and play with your chemistry set"?
π: 0 β©: 1
Thanks a lot again for your excelent suggestions!
By "the eyes like doeΒ΄s" I want to say more something like that does have this big deap dark eyes = quite terrified and distrustful if they are watching a human. And I also thought it as some kind of mockery... his doe patronus and so on... In czech language we have even kind of "mot" (saying, formula, word... I donΒ΄t know how to descibe it) and it says: "Google-eyed like doe" in czech "ZΓrat jako srna" [zi:rat iako srna] 
With the chemistry set part I am not sure, is it correct in a way I already wrote it?
π: 0 β©: 2
Or you could say "Go back and play with that chemistry set of yours".
π: 0 β©: 0
Ah, ok... well, as I don't know any Czech, I am sure I don't understand the full meaning of the "mot" (in English probably that is an "expression" or "idiom"), so can't translate it well... I did get that you were probably making a little joke about his Patronus, though! Hmm... In that case I suggest "Just look at him! Eyes like a doe's", perhaps.
Chemistry set: No, it should be "Come on dear, go back and play with your chemistry set" if you want to leave the meaning strictly alone. But "come on" sounds like he is urging Severus to do the deed, and then he changes direction to urging him to give up and leave (at least that's how it sounds to me). That's why I wanted to put an "or" in there.
π: 0 β©: 0
Poor Severus... I'm loving this series of yours. I'm always waiting with baited breath for the next installment!
π: 0 β©: 0