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Published: 2011-11-07 22:33:02 +0000 UTC; Views: 168; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 3
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Description
SafetyThe key slides in and safety welcomes me, engulfs me, saves me.
The world slides off my shoulders and the seams that hold me together burst, releasing the fear, the thoughts, the self-doubt.
A broken shell and out of it leaks the dreams, the wishes, the lost ambitions.
The world can't see me this way, but I can, and maybe if you opened your eyes you would see it too.
A shattered mosaic, of what was once my mind, is dotted across the floor in tiny scarlet drops. The wound too precise, too perfect.
The broken skin is a gateway to the void which was once a person, an academic, ambitious person.
In this factory we call a society "difference" is not tolerated, but frowned upon.
But is the soldier who is seen to be different any less competent than the "normal" soldier? Does the doctor who is "different" fail to save lives? Is the "different" police officer any less likely to solve the crime?
Maybe he could solve the crime of arrogance which society commits every day.
Maybe safety is hard to come by, maybe life isn't easy for any of us, but answer me this, would you save the life of someone who is "different" if they were to save yours?
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Comments: 4
Rinnyi [2011-11-08 21:06:02 +0000 UTC]
very nicely done. I especially liked 'The world slides off my shoulders and the seams that hold me together burst, releasing the fear, the thoughts, the self-doubt.' amazing! C:
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hellishdemon2 In reply to Rinnyi [2011-11-08 22:02:47 +0000 UTC]
:3 thank you so much!!! any criticism?? don't worry if you don't have the time but i would just like to know where i can improve but thanks soooo sooo much it's much appreciated
) and thanks a lot for the fave as well
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Rinnyi In reply to hellishdemon2 [2011-11-09 01:02:16 +0000 UTC]
Well, honestly I don't think it needs any revision at all. Though I suppose if anything I'd say maybe use a bit more colourful vocabulary, spruce it up with some less common words.
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hellishdemon2 In reply to Rinnyi [2011-11-09 17:58:25 +0000 UTC]
alright i'll definitely try that next time and thanks a lot
👍: 0 ⏩: 0



