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hellostrangeone — Flashback- 4:30 AM
Published: 2009-10-19 03:44:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 95; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description
even if she had been soberthat bed would have stung just as much
one half;
she could actually stretch her arm
and touch the absence
no amount of intoxication
could take that sting away
no amount of intoxication could
keep the tears from
grasping the absence
next to her
that was all that was left
to touch
one half;
it wasn't right
that impeccable logic
doesn't add up now
she was wasted, sober,
and as she reached out
all there was to feel
were empty sheets
where six days prior
there was one
and it stung her
just to breathe
Comments: 10
I really like the use of the word stung to illustrate the pain of waking up alone.
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I agree, I really got pulled in, I felt the absence like it was me reaching out. you have a way with words
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thank you very much
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you are very welcome=]
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I love the use of repetition with sting/stung--it really emphasizes the painful absence this person feels. In general, the stark tone molds a sympathetic view towards the character. Good piece!
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It's good; great imagery, repetitive presumably for effect, etc. I look forward to seeing more.
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thanks. I appreciate that.
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*Shrugs* You're welcome?
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