HOME | DD
Published: 2009-08-31 10:58:36 +0000 UTC; Views: 114; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
Redirect to original
Description
Elota woke reluctantly as dusk was setting in. Somehow she had lost a full day and the last thing she could remember was reaching the break in the woods she usually met Farran at. Some form of Dust had flown in her eyes and then the rest was a blank.She closed her eyes and went to her library. She walked to the center of the room and rummaged through the fresh books sitting on a single cart. Suddenly she realized what had happened and as she began to panic, tossing a book that was forming in her hand into the fire behind her as if it would bite her if she held it any longer. She went back to the books on the cart, not knowing if she wanted to catalog them or not.
If she didn’t, she would remain confused but she didn’t want to keep them here. She led them down the long hall towards a door she hadn’t been through in years. Elota searched the room; there wasn’t much on its shelves. She wiped the dust from the one closest to her and placed the books on it. She left the room and opened her eyes back up.
Sarithe was gnawing on a Caripon leg, not noticing she had woken or not caring. She smelled the cooking meat in the air and realized she was hungry but was hesitant to ask for any. Sarithe finally looked up at her, watching her eye the meat. He pulled a chunk of half raw meat from the steel rod and tossed it at her feet. It didn’t look at all appetizing but she accepted it anyways, not sure when she would get a chance to eat again. They sat in silence for a moment after they finished the Caripon.
Sarithe stood and walked over to where Elota was chained to a post in the ground and sat facing her.
“So, you’re the Lieutenant that travels with the infamous assassin Drathir.” He looked her over, “Not bad. But what would he want with a woman like you?”
Her legs had been pressed against her chest but he as he reached for them she pulled them to her side.
He laughed, “Ah, so it can’t be that.” Sarithe closed in on her, grabbing her chin and examining her eyes.
“You’re a Thalan, aren’t you? Interesting.” He stood again, pulling at his belt.
"We can finish this conversation later. We have plenty of time, don’t we?” Elota’s eyes widened as she realized what he meant.
She tried to ready her augury but nothing happened. She hadn’t noticed it before somehow but now she felt the thick mythril chocker around her neck. She attempted to remove it, but it only grew tighter as she tugged at it. Desperation started to sink in.
Elota turned and began to crawl away from the inclosing Murdan as she heard his belt hit the grass. She lifted herself from the ground but as she started to sprint, the chain grew taught and she fell back down. She pulled at the chain around her ankle in hopes she could pull the stake from the ground but it was no use; the metal was buried too deep in the ground.
Sarithe was above her now, lowering himself on her. She tried to keep him back by pressing her legs into his chest, but he pushed them away with minimal effort. Elota realized that the effects of the Torpor hadn’t worn off completely and she couldn’t keep him away forever. He had stripped everything she had previously carried from her and knew she was defenseless. She could feel her body start to weaken as she used the last strength she could gather. The Torpor's effect was stronger than she hoped.
He pulled his thick pants down to his knees and grabbed her flailing wrists, edging himself in between her legs. She bit at his face and clawed his arms but he didn’t stop. She felt his cock on the inside of her thigh and screamed. She began to cry and scream incoherent words as she stared at the sky.
Sarithe began to laugh as he took her chastity, and Elota found herself back in her library. She watched as it continued, detached from the event as if she were seeing it from behind someone else’s eyes. She walked back towards the dusty room as the book formed in her hands. She wished she could throw away memories and not just emotions.
It had been an hour now since he finished but she still felt him on her. Her insides felt twisted and blood pooled below her, soaking into the grass. Sarithe had returned to where he previously sat, watching Elota in her comatose state.
Related content
Comments: 2
getant [2009-08-31 13:42:46 +0000 UTC]
What I loved:
· Great short story idea (or seed for something bigger), really imaginative and original.
· It's good that your not afraid or tentative of handling what is a difficult subject.
What I think you should review:
I'm guessing from your description this is a first draft, so you'll be aware of some of these anyway;
· Spelling & grammar (there is an 'anyways' in there).
· Dialogue formatting, when the subject or character changes, I think (from a readers perspective) it would be easier to follow if you used a new paragraph. For example;
Sarithe stood and walked over to where Elota was chained to a post in the ground and sat facing her. “So, you’re the Lieutenant that travels with the infamous assassin Drathir.” He looked her over, “Not bad. But what would he want with a woman like you?” Her legs had been pressed against her chest but he as he reached for them she pulled them her side. He laughed, “Ah, so it can’t be that.” Sarithe closed in on her, grabbing her chin and examining her eyes. “You’re a Thalan, aren’t you Interesting.” He stood again, pulling at his belt.
Could be formatted;
Sarithe stood and walked over to where Elota was chained to a post in the ground and sat facing her.
“So, you’re the Lieutenant that travels with the infamous assassin Drathir.” He looked her over, “Not bad. But what would he want with a woman like you?”
Her legs had been pressed against her chest but as he reached for them she pulled them her side.
Sarithe laughed, “Ah, so it can’t be that.” He closed in on her, grabbing her chin and examining her eyes. “You’re a Thalan, aren’t you Interesting.”
He stood again, pulling at his belt.
@ The first sentence;
'Elota woke reluctantly, dusk was setting in and she began to wonder how long she had been out'
Perhaps it would be clearer to stipulate rather than imply she had been asleep/unconscious, as opposed to outside or away.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
hellspardon In reply to getant [2009-08-31 16:25:34 +0000 UTC]
Your formatting suggestion seems like it's a lot better than mine.
Thank you for pointing out 'anyways' I hate when people tack on the s and I seem to always do it! Is it possible to have a pet peeve over something you do yourself?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0








