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Description
Hours later you wake, a snarl immediately springing to your salt dried lips as you struggle to rise from the floor and Gamzee's embrace. Joints pop and muscles scream in tender agony as you force your body into a sitting position and blink away sleep. Your sight is still blurred from their brief yet painful encounter with the sun but you're certain they will heal and no permanent damage has been done. With gentle fingers you probe the scorched flesh around your eyes and wince as you find several blisters. A loud drawn out snore behind you snaps you out of your self examination and a low growl escapes your throat as you look down at your sleeping friend.

He looks peaceful, sleep smoothing away all expressions of his self-hate he wears in his waking hours and leaving nothing but the face of the boy you hold dear. You feel your temper starting up and tears beginning to form in your eyes as the memories of the prior day come crashing down. You clench your fists, nails biting into your palms as you grit your pointed teeth. You want to hit him, yell and scream and shake him and make him understand how bad he fucked up. You let out a choked breath you didn't even know you had held in and angrily scrub your tears away, causing you to inwardly curse as you irritate your burned face.

An emotion almost like panic is tearing its way through your chest and you have the urge to get away from your sleeping moirail. Your breath is coming in short bursts and you realize with a detached understanding you're having what the humans called an anxiety attack. You claw your way to your hands and knees, willing yourself to move move move! But you can't, your limbs are locked up and all your mind is thinking about is how he died. Your thoughts are becoming warped and in your mind's eye you see images of Gamzee lost at sea or him lying on the beach with you trying so hard to bring him back but he doesn't wake up. There is a small rational part of your think pan that's whispering it's not real, he's alive, he's safe and you're ok but the other thoughts are screaming at you and you can't even begin to stop the full blown panic that's rapidly eating away at your sanity.

And then he's there, warm arms wrapped around your middle, pulling you from your frozen position and into his lap as he paps your back and pets your hair, all the while whispering soft apologies and "It's ok, motherfucker. I'm here, bro."

Somehow your arms wrap around his chest and you're clinging to his stiff shirt like your life depends on it. Your face is buried in his shoulder and you're full out crying and he's still saying the same thing like a mantra. You don't know how long you're like that but it feels like it ends all too soon. When your breathing no longer has small hitches and hiccups you reluctantly pull away and glare at his face. His eyes are the clearest you've ever seen them, pale indigo streaking trails down his face and lips set in a sad frown and you realize that look he has in his almost violet eyes. It's the look of pure and utter regret.

This time it's you who hold him. It's you who paps his back and whispers that it's going to be ok and yes that was fucking stupid dontyoueverdoitagain. It's you who silently rocks him back and forth like the human lusus's did to their grubs when they were upset. And it was your heart that broke all over again as he blubbered out the reasons behind why he jumped.

There's a twist in your gut as he snots all over your shoulder, crying out the reasons he tried to end his own life and with horrid realization you know you could have prevented it in the first place. But you were too much of a stuck up prick to do what needed to be done. You had failed him once as a moirail and then and there as you both sat on the body warmed tiles of the hive floor you made a vow that you would never fail him again.

"I'm so sorry, Karkat."

"It's ok, Gamzee. It's ok."

Description
Hours later you wake, a snarl immediately springing to your salt dried lips as you struggle to rise from the floor and Gamzee's embrace. Joints pop and muscles scream in tender agony as you force your body into a sitting position and blink away sleep. Your sight is still blurred from their brief yet painful encounter with the sun but you're certain they will heal and no permanent damage has been done. With gentle fingers you probe the scorched flesh around your eyes and wince as you find several blisters. A loud drawn out snore behind you snaps you out of your self examination and a low growl escapes your throat as you look down at your sleeping friend.

He looks peaceful, sleep smoothing away all expressions of his self-hate he wears in his waking hours and leaving nothing but the face of the boy you hold dear. You feel your temper starting up and tears beginning to form in your eyes as the memories of the prior day come crashing down. You clench your fists, nails biting into your palms as you grit your pointed teeth. You want to hit him, yell and scream and shake him and make him understand how bad he fucked up. You let out a choked breath you didn't even know you had held in and angrily scrub your tears away, causing you to inwardly curse as you irritate your burned face.

An emotion almost like panic is tearing its way through your chest and you have the urge to get away from your sleeping moirail. Your breath is coming in short bursts and you realize with a detached understanding you're having what the humans called an anxiety attack. You claw your way to your hands and knees, willing yourself to move move move! But you can't, your limbs are locked up and all your mind is thinking about is how he died. Your thoughts are becoming warped and in your mind's eye you see images of Gamzee lost at sea or him lying on the beach with you trying so hard to bring him back but he doesn't wake up. There is a small rational part of your think pan that's whispering it's not real, he's alive, he's safe and you're ok but the other thoughts are screaming at you and you can't even begin to stop the full blown panic that's rapidly eating away at your sanity.

And then he's there, warm arms wrapped around your middle, pulling you from your frozen position and into his lap as he paps your back and pets your hair, all the while whispering soft apologies and "It's ok, motherfucker. I'm here, bro."

Somehow your arms wrap around his chest and you're clinging to his stiff shirt like your life depends on it. Your face is buried in his shoulder and you're full out crying and he's still saying the same thing like a mantra. You don't know how long you're like that but it feels like it ends all too soon. When your breathing no longer has small hitches and hiccups you reluctantly pull away and glare at his face. His eyes are the clearest you've ever seen them, pale indigo streaking trails down his face and lips set in a sad frown and you realize that look he has in his almost violet eyes. It's the look of pure and utter regret.

This time it's you who hold him. It's you who paps his back and whispers that it's going to be ok and yes that was fucking stupid dontyoueverdoitagain. It's you who silently rocks him back and forth like the human lusus's did to their grubs when they were upset. And it was your heart that broke all over again as he blubbered out the reasons behind why he jumped.

There's a twist in your gut as he snots all over your shoulder, crying out the reasons he tried to end his own life and with horrid realization you know you could have prevented it in the first place. But you were too much of a stuck up prick to do what needed to be done. You had failed him once as a moirail and then and there as you both sat on the body warmed tiles of the hive floor you made a vow that you would never fail him again.

"I'm so sorry, Karkat."

"It's ok, Gamzee. It's ok."