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Horokeh — R14 Aoi vs GG Cycle 1
Published: 2009-02-09 04:15:16 +0000 UTC; Views: 258; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 1
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Description
Well this is my Round 14 fight on War For Arcadia... A battle against Session's Gear Gunner at the Hospital. I had a bit of trouble getting this fight together and on time XD... 2 days of 5 hour sleeping but i think it looks ok XD even with the lack of the shades
The full battle is not done yet... but you can check it out at WFA... and stay tuned (yes you) for updates on the thing :3
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Comments: 11
Black Nurse is my favourite. She's totally like people from work. The BLACK nurses from work.
Also, lol, an outsider didn't get it.
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Gee whiz! A lot of un-needed profiling up in there. (Two shots of profiling in that manner makes it less funny IMO) Same thing with the un-needed note of "they're fake". No point and too random!
I found that whole beginning to be a bit dragged out. Unless it was revelent to the story, the explanation about her clothes just seems like boring filler. You would've benefitted more if you just had the other nurses glaring at her.
Your backgrounds are nice, but at times are wonky in perspective. (Panels 2, and 3 on the first page for example) Practice placing figures into settings to get the correct idea on how to mix perspective and your characters together.
Page 4 and 5 is where you lost me completely. I had NO idea just what went on. You see a panel with some random gentlement greeting her, and not much time is spent on explaining what was going on. Correcting your pacing would fix that I think.
Overall, just work on your perspectives the most. Pacing can come in as you learn and anatomy will always approve as well.
Nice job!
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You know... a great deal of your critique is simply saying that you don't follow the story. I don't understand, the story is very easy for me to follow. Maybe it's because I am from WFA and have already read up on what happened prior to this comic. Its just a matter of WFA being a huge world and its impossible to tell the whole story in one simple comic. I think that rather than holding the fact that you don't understand the backstory or who the characters are against the artist, it might be better to read up on the characters, and read their previous battles in order to gain an understanding of them and their world. It's not the artist's fault you have never read their previous battles, or know who the cameo characters are, so why criticize them for it? Would you rather the artist re-introduce their character in every single comic, just in case someone new is reading? That would get old rather quickly, and would alienate anyone who's ever read an Aoi comic before.
As for the shoes, that actually was relevant to the story, and more specifically, to Aoi as a character. Those shoes were drawn by someone else in a fan art prior to this comic, so Horokeh decided to not only use the shoes, but to bring attention to them as a shout-out to the creator of the fanart. This is what we call gratitude. Granted horokeh modified them a bit by changing the color and such, but the general design was still certainly there.
And finally, as for the random humor... this is what we've all come to love about Horokeh. His sense of humor is definitely different than most other artists, so his jokes always come up in places that you least expect, and are usually about subject matter that most other people wouldn't even think to joke about. Because of this, the jokes catch the reader off-guard and end up working a lot better than if you see the joke coming.
Please understand, this isn't a personal attack on you. I just think that rather than give a critique about something you don't understand, one should either follow the necessary steps in order to understand, or not critique at all.
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I'm sorry, excuse me. Going to ask you not to critique my critique. Whether or not I read older stories of what not means anything. I believe I stated I may not understand the story because of this.
Please understand, it comes from an outsiders POV and because these things were not explained in the comic WELL enough- someone who is just jumping in WOULDN'T understand. Something so small as to whether there is tons of focus on someone's shoes shouldn't throw a reader completely off.
I have taken courses on story writing, etc and I've been doing comics a long time.
I don't exactly take offense, but I do believe you wasted your time on those paragraphs.
Again, please understand that every reader will take a different look into a story. I find that if people read MY comics, I'll at least attempt to let them know WTF is going on and re-frame from simply jokes that only someone on the inside would like.
Once more- reader on the outside looking in.
THANKS.
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I really don't want to get into a debate over the credibility of critiques, so I'll keep this short. All I did was simply point out the facts that A) I don't agree with your critique, and I am entitled to such an opinion, and B) Picking up on a character's storyline in the middle is going to confuse anybody, regardless of the character or artist in question.
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A) I don't agree with getting two replies when the artist himself commented his defense.
B) Throwing wood on the fire.
C) You started a debate by typing out that paragraph.
You DID NOT point out the facts, simply turned my critique into something as if I was bashing the artist. Which, If you look up what an actual critique is, I did not.
I don't exactly care for this matter, I find it extremely rude and I certainly hope this doesn't happen again if I DO comment so I can avoid any drama lamas that don't seem to enjoy outside views. I think this person should be flattered someone took the time out to even read the comic.
Thankies. ^_^ See you around WFA (OH, I am sure.)
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I believe you didn't actually state anywhere in your first comment that you may not have understood anything because your point of view was that of an outsider. If you had maybe clicked that link in the artist's comments instead of going on about how you "had NO idea just what went on", you might have noticed this was the first part of a four part battle. So it's not exactly complete. I understand you're an outsider, but maybe you should try to get some perspective before you bash somebody's comic, hmm?
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I am sorry, Patent. No one was bashing anyones comic. I was giving a critique and I actually gave a good one. It gave the goods and the bads. He/She took the critique and explained herself and I completely understood. Anyone intervening is just adding wood to the fire.
This has nothing to do with WFA. Please respect my critique.
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Tnx for the comment and the critique... The beginning is relevant to her story
While I can't really say much about the whole Page 4 and 5... since well, it makes sense to the people who are part of the forum and know who Aoi's fighting XD... The stuff contained might be a little too WFA "inside joke" to appreciate.
And I'm not exactly sure if by profiling you meant stereotyping, but if you did, It's fine that's more a matter of taste
Again thanks for the comments and critique
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