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[VENT] Friends

yknow the feeling where ur mind just feels hanged and jammed altogether? my friend group is falling apart . it fells like talking to emotionless robots nowadays who I can't connect with, and who aren't there for me until I specifically call for them. Just making this clear, I'm not trying to be an attention seeker, it just feels like no one is there for me , not even my closest friends , cause I feel like I can't even communicate with them seriously, cause they'll take it personally and not listen to me at all and make a joke out of it.

a few days ago, we were bickering playfully in the groupchat, and I called the anime kid "cringe anime kid???" which was funny, in a way even she was playing along. the next day, in personal chat, she called a self absorbed jerk, and said that my ex bsf (who was really toxic to me and i spoke about it only to her) is probably a better friend than me , how i didnt even want to wtness us as friends (becausei really like hanging out with another girl in the group),and many other things i dont remember. I kinda realized that maybe the person who tried to fit me in the gr was actually a person who would use your interests and past against u whenever she needs it,just to fulfill her argument. it did hurt. a lot actually. I stayed calm and kinda played it off at the end as I was just joking and I tried to resolve it together aswell on the same day, she didn't respond , she refused to communicate, but I guess the damage had been done on both sides.

we met in person one day, and her sister (twin) was saying that "she was panicking about what she will say to me when we meet in person" , but she didn't even bat an eye at me that day, not even a word, I probably saw her fidget sometimes.
I called her today (on phone) and we didn't have the same energy while talking like we used to have , it felt empty like I was the only one talking and she didn't say anything. I feel I should just disappear from the face of earth without worries about literally everything.

I have other friend (mentioned earlier), who I really like to talk with and have same humor and interests, amd everything match in us literally . but sometimes it just feels like if I even tell her something she'll brush it off, or will not even bother, or make a joke of it , amd probably call me an attention seeker

I want to explode into pieces literally, I'm having watery eyes as I'm writing. the situation is supposed to be so small, but it feels like so much more than just that, I feel bad ,idk why. idk if I'm doing the right things

I was planning to reveal to them that I had suicidal thoughts at age 11 (as friends share things to each other), I'll probably not. bye.

Description
[VENT] Friends

yknow the feeling where ur mind just feels hanged and jammed altogether? my friend group is falling apart . it fells like talking to emotionless robots nowadays who I can't connect with, and who aren't there for me until I specifically call for them. Just making this clear, I'm not trying to be an attention seeker, it just feels like no one is there for me , not even my closest friends , cause I feel like I can't even communicate with them seriously, cause they'll take it personally and not listen to me at all and make a joke out of it.

a few days ago, we were bickering playfully in the groupchat, and I called the anime kid "cringe anime kid???" which was funny, in a way even she was playing along. the next day, in personal chat, she called a self absorbed jerk, and said that my ex bsf (who was really toxic to me and i spoke about it only to her) is probably a better friend than me , how i didnt even want to wtness us as friends (becausei really like hanging out with another girl in the group),and many other things i dont remember. I kinda realized that maybe the person who tried to fit me in the gr was actually a person who would use your interests and past against u whenever she needs it,just to fulfill her argument. it did hurt. a lot actually. I stayed calm and kinda played it off at the end as I was just joking and I tried to resolve it together aswell on the same day, she didn't respond , she refused to communicate, but I guess the damage had been done on both sides.

we met in person one day, and her sister (twin) was saying that "she was panicking about what she will say to me when we meet in person" , but she didn't even bat an eye at me that day, not even a word, I probably saw her fidget sometimes.
I called her today (on phone) and we didn't have the same energy while talking like we used to have , it felt empty like I was the only one talking and she didn't say anything. I feel I should just disappear from the face of earth without worries about literally everything.

I have other friend (mentioned earlier), who I really like to talk with and have same humor and interests, amd everything match in us literally . but sometimes it just feels like if I even tell her something she'll brush it off, or will not even bother, or make a joke of it , amd probably call me an attention seeker

I want to explode into pieces literally, I'm having watery eyes as I'm writing. the situation is supposed to be so small, but it feels like so much more than just that, I feel bad ,idk why. idk if I'm doing the right things

I was planning to reveal to them that I had suicidal thoughts at age 11 (as friends share things to each other), I'll probably not. bye.