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Published: 2015-02-24 04:53:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 1406; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 0
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Description
Grind your teeth and clear your tattered mind.Mind your business; get back to the grind.
Project indifference, don't be the reject;
reject the notion that you're our project.
Hear the whispers, but have no fearβ
fear the things you do not hear.
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Comments: 6
One thing I find really cool is that "reject" and "project" are both accented differently the two times they appear.
Yeah, I have no idea how one could write in this form, it's so complicated. I'm impressed. And as Parsat said, last two lines are great.
I'm interested in what you're going for with the rhythm. First two lines are perfect iambic pentameter (with the first unstressed syllable missing, I forget what that's called), and the last two lines are taut and spare, with four beats each. I'm not quite sure about the middle two lines - what are you trying to make them? Or maybe I'm just overthinking this.
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Thank you so much!Β
I liked those words for the same reason, but they are also part of the (embarrassing) answer to your rhythm question.Β The first and last sets are quite rhythmic, and that was by design; however, because of the way those two middle words work, finding a solid rhythm like the other couplets had was getting troublesome.Β I settled for having one stressed syllable at the beginning and end of each: the second and second-last.Β As artistic decisions go, it barely qualifies, I'm sad to say.
I really appreciate the feedback, though; it isn't that often that people think as much about my poetry as they have for this piece.
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Didn't really like this form after writing in it twice, but I think you've done quite an excellent job with this one! The last two lines are superb.
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I can see why some people wouldn't really like this; it's kind of bothersome finding words that can both do this decently and fit the idea.Β I feel like if I did much more of this I would either get very sick of it or have it become my very favourite.
And thank you!Β I never comment, but I love your form poetry, so that's really nice to hear.Β The last two lines were my favourite as well, by a long shot.
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I think you really did a good job finding nuances in your repeated words. "Grind" and "project" really stood out too.
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Thank you!Β I found that finding and using multi-purpose words (i.e. it's a verb and a noun, or some other combo) is what made it most interesting for me.Β What different things can this word mean, how and why are they connected, etc.?Β I haven't written in a while, but talking about this again has got me wanting to.
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