HOME | DD

Description
Always the weaker one.
They told me I'd get stronger if I believed.
From the moment I was born I've been on life support.
The darkness scares me but it's all I know... So my eyes shine brighter than the others.
Green says I'm special, that I don't need to be strong because I'm smart and kind.
But strength would help me in the fights...
Why do people pick a fight with me? Leaving Green to have to defend the weaker one.
I hate it.
I hate being the smarter one. The little one. Why does he get to be so strong, while I'm left hooked up to monitors and drips.
Why does he get to go and play with the other kids, but I can't because my immune system is too weak... Because I'm too weak.
I want to be strong, like the men in the comic books I read.
I want to be fearless, to not be scared of getting pushed down... Punched... Kicked.
I want to be able to go to school without fear of dying. Without fear of getting bullied... Abused...
But I can't.
I want to be able to not let the darkness that I'm so scared of invade my mind and leave me scratching at my neck, my arms...
I want to be able to run around and play without wired and chords holding me back. Tugging me back to the hospital.
I want to go a night without Green having to tell mum that while I was playing I fell asleep in his bed, and that she shouldn't wake me for fear of me being to weak to move.
I love my brother... He protects me from the bullies, because I'm too weak.
Is it bad for me to resent him? His strength?
The darkness still scares me, but school is easier without the wires. Without the drip and without as many pills.
Still though. Green protects me when I'm alone. He walks me down the corridor, saying it's his 'job'.
At this point I know my job. The academy.
All the strong people get into there! Green wanted to apply but for some reason hasn't...
I wish my mum hadn't told him not to... That looking after me was too important... If only I hadn't gotten into that fight while trying to make my way home alone the other day... If only I hadnt almost died... If only I hadnt been so weak.
I sent my application off, with my test scores, personal information... Medical records...
I'm scared about not hearing back yet. The darkness feels like it's edging it's way in.
Green isn't talking to me... He leaves me alone at school, even with the bullies... He never told me I was weak before...
But now... He has. And it hurts.
I hurt.
I hurt myself...
I got a reply...
They say I can meet with someone if I want to about the academy... They say they're concerned about my physical condition, but my test scores were above average.
I ask Green if he wants to come with me, but he ignores me... He never sent his application off... He applied for some different places instead..
I have two months... Two months to not be weak. I'll never be as strong as Green, but I can be as strong as I try and be.
I exercise, hard.
I still feel weak... After an hour or so I start to fade from consciousness.
But I start to be able to last longer, longer. I can feel the strength building. I have muscles now...
I continue to study, and I go to my interview.
I get put through trials.
I'm tired at the end of the day... I go back to my hotel room and fall down onto my bed.
I didn't let them see me be weak, but I felt like falling the entire day, letting the weak side take over...
I sleep, and wake up feeling drained, to a knock on my door.
Why am I struggling to move...? To breathe...? I answer...
I run home, running on adrenalin alone... I have no strength left after all...
I tell my parents, they're happy for me. But I can tell they're scared. They tell me that they're proud of what I've managed to do, that they never even thought I would be off of the pills, the IV, the machines. They just wish Green had gotten in, because they'd much rather have me stay at home. So they can look after me...
The weaker one...
I can feel it coming back. All the exercising, all the improvement... Didn't matter to them... They still just saw the weak little boy who couldn't do anything themselves...
I'm 18 now... Why can nobody see...? The academy did... They said I passed with flying colours... Especially strange considering my past and my age...
Green will understand... I tell myself. Trying not to let the darkness and the pain and the weak side kick in...
I run to Green's room and tell him, with a big smile, a genuine smile.
But he isn't there.
Mum and dad don't know where he's gone...
I run out, my parents shouting after me, and I run around the streets.
It's raining...
My legs hurts...
I can feel myself catching a cold...
I can't find him. I run faster, I need to find him.
I hear it... Fighting.
I run round and up to them.
He's in the middle. On the ground. Blood...
They turn to me, they hardly recognise me, but one of them does.
They say they're stronger than my brother now, so they'll be stronger than... The weaker one...
I clench my fists and prepare myself. I have no strength left but... He's my brother. I was going to save him for once.
They came at me and I defended myself.
In the end, they left. And I limped over to my brother, dragging myself to keep going so that I could help him home.
He pushed my away onto the floor...
What had I done wrong...?
He told me he hates me... Bigshot in the academy...
I'm confused, I didn't understand...
He spits at me, punches me, and leaves me out there in the rain.
I hear sirens...
I wake up in an unfamiliar but all too familiar place... A hospital bed...
Pills... IV... Machines beeping away.
I'm scared again... I'm the weak one again... The weaker brother... Alone in a hospital bed... Having to rely on life support because I can't support myself.
I get better... I exercise... I improve.
I'm still weak, I still get exhausted and pass out...
But I'm getting stronger.
I go to the academy, I learn, I improve.
I pass my tests.
I graduate...
The audience, I smile, looking down at my family who... Probably don't recognise me too well anymore...
The blue eyes must give it away though. The faciel hair, the muscels... They're not used to that.
I earn my badge, and my buttons, and I'm given a assignment. I get a day off to say goodbye to everyone, before I'm sent away...
I walk up to them, now taller, standing straight... They look up at me, my parents, so proud of me. I smile and they hug me. I know they still think I'm weak, I know they're still scared for me. But that's something that pushes me on. I'm better because of all those people who told me I was the weaker one. The one that would never make it.
I see my bullies working as the garbage men at the academy. And I smile and give them a nod, talk to them every so often. No point hanging onto old hate...
But as I looked around for my brother... I couldn't see him. I asked them where he was, my parents just looked to each other before changing the subject.
Of course... He just didn't want to be around his weaker brother...
I say goodbye to my family... Or who I can actually say goodbye to, and I head off. To explore the stars.
It's a mission on a big ship...
I come back a year later, exhausted but feeling like I am alive. For once...
Then, I get given another mission... A solo mission...
I apply.
I have nothing left here anyway, other than my parents, who can't look at me without showing me how much they pity me... I don't resent them...
Green on the other hand...
I leave. Alone.
And I crash.
And I wake up, weak.
I'm still weak.
Someone's here... They found me...
They mend my wounds. I am so weak...
They care for me, I don't want to be here. I can't remember who I was, what I was... Just that I was... Weak... I'm still... Weak...
I go on adventures, I meet new people...
Weak...
Weak...
Weak...
That's all I'll ever be...
The weaker one...
I wonder who the stronger one is...?

Description
Always the weaker one.
They told me I'd get stronger if I believed.
From the moment I was born I've been on life support.
The darkness scares me but it's all I know... So my eyes shine brighter than the others.
Green says I'm special, that I don't need to be strong because I'm smart and kind.
But strength would help me in the fights...
Why do people pick a fight with me? Leaving Green to have to defend the weaker one.
I hate it.
I hate being the smarter one. The little one. Why does he get to be so strong, while I'm left hooked up to monitors and drips.
Why does he get to go and play with the other kids, but I can't because my immune system is too weak... Because I'm too weak.
I want to be strong, like the men in the comic books I read.
I want to be fearless, to not be scared of getting pushed down... Punched... Kicked.
I want to be able to go to school without fear of dying. Without fear of getting bullied... Abused...
But I can't.
I want to be able to not let the darkness that I'm so scared of invade my mind and leave me scratching at my neck, my arms...
I want to be able to run around and play without wired and chords holding me back. Tugging me back to the hospital.
I want to go a night without Green having to tell mum that while I was playing I fell asleep in his bed, and that she shouldn't wake me for fear of me being to weak to move.
I love my brother... He protects me from the bullies, because I'm too weak.
Is it bad for me to resent him? His strength?
The darkness still scares me, but school is easier without the wires. Without the drip and without as many pills.
Still though. Green protects me when I'm alone. He walks me down the corridor, saying it's his 'job'.
At this point I know my job. The academy.
All the strong people get into there! Green wanted to apply but for some reason hasn't...
I wish my mum hadn't told him not to... That looking after me was too important... If only I hadn't gotten into that fight while trying to make my way home alone the other day... If only I hadnt almost died... If only I hadnt been so weak.
I sent my application off, with my test scores, personal information... Medical records...
I'm scared about not hearing back yet. The darkness feels like it's edging it's way in.
Green isn't talking to me... He leaves me alone at school, even with the bullies... He never told me I was weak before...
But now... He has. And it hurts.
I hurt.
I hurt myself...
I got a reply...
They say I can meet with someone if I want to about the academy... They say they're concerned about my physical condition, but my test scores were above average.
I ask Green if he wants to come with me, but he ignores me... He never sent his application off... He applied for some different places instead..
I have two months... Two months to not be weak. I'll never be as strong as Green, but I can be as strong as I try and be.
I exercise, hard.
I still feel weak... After an hour or so I start to fade from consciousness.
But I start to be able to last longer, longer. I can feel the strength building. I have muscles now...
I continue to study, and I go to my interview.
I get put through trials.
I'm tired at the end of the day... I go back to my hotel room and fall down onto my bed.
I didn't let them see me be weak, but I felt like falling the entire day, letting the weak side take over...
I sleep, and wake up feeling drained, to a knock on my door.
Why am I struggling to move...? To breathe...? I answer...
I run home, running on adrenalin alone... I have no strength left after all...
I tell my parents, they're happy for me. But I can tell they're scared. They tell me that they're proud of what I've managed to do, that they never even thought I would be off of the pills, the IV, the machines. They just wish Green had gotten in, because they'd much rather have me stay at home. So they can look after me...
The weaker one...
I can feel it coming back. All the exercising, all the improvement... Didn't matter to them... They still just saw the weak little boy who couldn't do anything themselves...
I'm 18 now... Why can nobody see...? The academy did... They said I passed with flying colours... Especially strange considering my past and my age...
Green will understand... I tell myself. Trying not to let the darkness and the pain and the weak side kick in...
I run to Green's room and tell him, with a big smile, a genuine smile.
But he isn't there.
Mum and dad don't know where he's gone...
I run out, my parents shouting after me, and I run around the streets.
It's raining...
My legs hurts...
I can feel myself catching a cold...
I can't find him. I run faster, I need to find him.
I hear it... Fighting.
I run round and up to them.
He's in the middle. On the ground. Blood...
They turn to me, they hardly recognise me, but one of them does.
They say they're stronger than my brother now, so they'll be stronger than... The weaker one...
I clench my fists and prepare myself. I have no strength left but... He's my brother. I was going to save him for once.
They came at me and I defended myself.
In the end, they left. And I limped over to my brother, dragging myself to keep going so that I could help him home.
He pushed my away onto the floor...
What had I done wrong...?
He told me he hates me... Bigshot in the academy...
I'm confused, I didn't understand...
He spits at me, punches me, and leaves me out there in the rain.
I hear sirens...
I wake up in an unfamiliar but all too familiar place... A hospital bed...
Pills... IV... Machines beeping away.
I'm scared again... I'm the weak one again... The weaker brother... Alone in a hospital bed... Having to rely on life support because I can't support myself.
I get better... I exercise... I improve.
I'm still weak, I still get exhausted and pass out...
But I'm getting stronger.
I go to the academy, I learn, I improve.
I pass my tests.
I graduate...
The audience, I smile, looking down at my family who... Probably don't recognise me too well anymore...
The blue eyes must give it away though. The faciel hair, the muscels... They're not used to that.
I earn my badge, and my buttons, and I'm given a assignment. I get a day off to say goodbye to everyone, before I'm sent away...
I walk up to them, now taller, standing straight... They look up at me, my parents, so proud of me. I smile and they hug me. I know they still think I'm weak, I know they're still scared for me. But that's something that pushes me on. I'm better because of all those people who told me I was the weaker one. The one that would never make it.
I see my bullies working as the garbage men at the academy. And I smile and give them a nod, talk to them every so often. No point hanging onto old hate...
But as I looked around for my brother... I couldn't see him. I asked them where he was, my parents just looked to each other before changing the subject.
Of course... He just didn't want to be around his weaker brother...
I say goodbye to my family... Or who I can actually say goodbye to, and I head off. To explore the stars.
It's a mission on a big ship...
I come back a year later, exhausted but feeling like I am alive. For once...
Then, I get given another mission... A solo mission...
I apply.
I have nothing left here anyway, other than my parents, who can't look at me without showing me how much they pity me... I don't resent them...
Green on the other hand...
I leave. Alone.
And I crash.
And I wake up, weak.
I'm still weak.
Someone's here... They found me...
They mend my wounds. I am so weak...
They care for me, I don't want to be here. I can't remember who I was, what I was... Just that I was... Weak... I'm still... Weak...
I go on adventures, I meet new people...
Weak...
Weak...
Weak...
That's all I'll ever be...
The weaker one...
I wonder who the stronger one is...?