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InsertDeviantName — Puerile
Published: 2008-07-12 22:03:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 165; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 3
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Description
PuerileSo young, so fragrant...,
Such energy, such joy...,
Very childish, very fooling...,
Many outlooks, many views...,
Just loving, Just you....
Comments: 4
It works because it's short. If you kept going the repetition would have become tedious and annoying. But instead, this flows nicely, and I like your word choice.
I've been browsing your poetry and I noticed you use the ellipsis a lot, which isn't good [also, you can't use it and then put a comma after it]. This type of punctuation just gets in the way, it ruins the flow and most of the time it's completely unnecessary. There doesn't have to be a punctuation mark at the end of each line.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I enjoy writing like that^^ thanks for the critique and it will be noted.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
