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IntricateSunlight — Hyperventilation
Published: 2012-05-19 02:57:08 +0000 UTC; Views: 596; Favourites: 20; Downloads: 0
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Did you hear that?
Like something snapping in two
Words ringing in my mind
Air rushing in
Carbon Dioxide rushing out
Something ruptured, I don't know what
I can't stop, I can't breathe
Not enough air
Did you hear that?
Like something ripped
Needles and Pins beneath my skin
Shards scattered throughout my chest
Of what was once whole and thriving
Throbbing with Passion; A hole in my chest
Did you hear that?
Like something tearing
Needles and Pins pricking my skin
This is my end.
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Comments: 26
I loved the Haiku within the main poem and how it sums up the main poem but with a slightly different meaning. A great piece of literature
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Thanks, it was an idea that just popped into my head after finishing the main poem. I wanted to bold certain key words then it occurred to me that I could create another poem out of the original, which I have never seen done before.
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Very creative since I've never see it done before either
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The moment you mentioned that song, I was listening to it. It's a good poem and your opening line was excellent
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Lol, what a coincidence. Thanks for the compliment. ^^
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It's a great tune
No worries.
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Oh, wow... This.... I don't even have words for it. It's beautiful. But I don't like what you had to go through to make this work.
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Thanks, you're a great friend...yeah, but I felt that I had to write this...plus emotional writing is best when blood is still fresh.
I hyperventilated and whatnot for a few minutes right before I wrote this actually. So yeah, I had a panic attack before writing it which inspired the title.
Btw, what do you think of the haiku inside of it? If you read the bold only, it forms a haiku ^^
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Yeah. It's a really good haiku and this was so descriptive and...emotional. I could really feel the pain you were going through.
Still don't like you being hurt, though.
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Thanks, I changed made a change to the next to last line. I usually don't change things but I suddenly thought of something better to go there.
Relax, no killing people >.>;
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When do I ever relax? ....Or not kill people, for that matter? XD
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I dunno but you seem mighty relaxed while killing people
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XD True, true...
Did you read my new prolougue?
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Not yet, I am getting around to it. Might even read it before bed.
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Yay! It's not that good so far, but trust me it gets a lot better.
Sorry for the late reply. Must. Catch. Up. On. Anime! XD
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We'll see about that, your work is usually damned good.
Lol, I am still waiting around for new manga chapters to come out. Sometimes these manga people get lazy and go on hiatus for a few weeks...or sometimes a month, or more XD
I might start writing fanfiction again, might start writing LoK fan fics XD
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LoK is like my life now. Especially Tahno! *eye twitch*
You really think my work is that good?
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Lol, I'll add you to my fan group on Facebook then, yes we are a small group of Avatar uberfans XD
Yes, yes I do. Especially when you're all twisted and demented, that's when it is superb!
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Yay! For both!
Thanks!
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Wow, so vivid and powerful. I actually felt shivers.
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Thanks, its so vivid, powerful and emotional because it is sort of nonfiction, in a way~
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