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Invader-Jaklyn — KOTTP Chapter 4
Published: 2011-02-02 00:11:58 +0000 UTC; Views: 72; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 1
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Description The next night, it was time for Vito to learn to fly. He was excited and nearly fell out of the roost in his tidal wave of happiness. Alpha was also excited to teach his firstborn son. And soon Ugo will get the chance. Vito and Alpha stood in a low shelf covered with hay and chick feathers. Vito was completely molted other than the small patch of down on his forehead, but soon that also will become part of his shed owlet feathers.
Alpha instructed Vito with calm, clear words. Alpha was once a learning owlet too and he like the patient approach better than yelling at his chicks. With his Papa by his side Vito knew he would become a great flyer and soon a perfect hunter, once Ma teaches him. Alpha told his boy to become one with the air, to shape it, swirl it and transform it in the way Vito wants to fly. It was difficult at first, but soon he took to the air in only a few strokes of the wings. But Vito had much to learn; for his flying was not silent or perfected. Father on the other hand, lifted effortlessly off the ground with one powerful, dense wing-beat. And even though his wings were almost thrice the size of Pa, silence only came to ear other than the soft whisper of dense air being sculpted by the leader's silver feathers. He landed back on his talons and opened his wings. He pointed to his muscular arms. "See this," he said guiding his talon along his shoulders to his wingtips, "you must build muscle in order to hover and lift off."
Vito look at his arms disappointed to see not as much power as his Papa's. He tried again only to land flat on his back. He sighed. Vito wished he was as muscular as his father, but how could he? He is not his Papa.
Alpha gave a chuckle. "Don't worry, my son. Keep practising and soon you will be as powerful as me someday. Nothing is every earned by doing nothing. And you are no longer a newborn anymore; you are almost the size of me!" This was true; Vito was the size of father, well, nearing that point anyway. "Now try to feel yourself lift."
"But I don't know how ta…"
"It's okay, I didn't get the first time either when I was your age and learning from my Papa." It was hard for Vito to imagine his Papa as small and unskilled as he was. "Here let me help you." Alpha said stepping behind his son. "Now close your eyes."
"But if I close my eyes, how will I know where to go, Pa?" he felt uneasy and almost upchucked his lunch.
Pa just told him to close his eyes again. "Let your heart be your guide and your hearing your map."
Vito didn't truly understand but he did as his father instructed. Closing his eyes, and using his heart to tell him which way was up and which way was down. He concentrated then on hearing his path. Picturing his map of the barn and the Flying Centre, where he and his Pa were located, he could only hear his father's voice. "Now my young owlet. Spread your wings high above your head." Vito spread his wings high like his Pa instructed. He felt his wings grow high and spread far like the morning sun's glow over the trees and rivers. As if his sails were the moon's silver light, in gulping the forest's foliage and grasses. Wrapping his home in a cool, refreshing light signalling for his family to take flight where they were meant to be.
He smiled, "I feel it Papa."
"Good," his father spoke proudly, "now, feel the feeling of flight, feel the moon beat down on your feathers, and the wind rush pass your beak and across your wings. Shape the air and make your own to keep and transform. Feel it, feel it until it's the only feeling left in your small, hollow bones. Feel so, until it fills your whole body, but it must escape through your wings and give you lift to your flight. Now point your beak to the sky and flap your wings, yes, like that, now lift into the sky where owls were meant to be, now fly, my son, fly now!"
Vito could feel the feeling, it was filling his body and into his sails, he pumped his arms as hard as he could believing he could do it, and with one major swoop he could feel air under his wings and the lifting sensation. Air rushed passed his moon like face, around his closed round eyes and in his nostrils. He felt so free and weightless. He opened his sliver eyes and gasped, he had done it! With one powerful, grasp of the air he was up and hovering over his father. A huge, bright smile creased his Pa's face and tears welled up in Papa's big, beaming eyes. He must have been so proud of his son. He chuckled, whipping away his tears before they could spill off his eyelids. "That was magnificent my boy!" Vito couldn't really understand what his Pa meant by "magnificent" but he knew Pa was amazed by him, and it was just enough for Vito to smile brighter than the sun.
"Are you really that proud of me, Papa?" He asked.
"Are you kidding, I couldn't be more proud." He tweeted happily. "Now, what do you say about taking a little flight around Home base before supper, huh?"
Vito was so excited he almost burst. "I would love that, Pa!"
Alpha lifted into the air and took the lead guiding Vito out of the launching window and into the cool, crisp autumn wind. Vito felt as if the chains that kept him attached to the ground and disappeared and there was nothing holding him back. Pa made a slight bank down toward the White River, as the owls called it. He dipped low, keeping his huge wings, which seemed to disappear against his sides, tight around his body, Pa took a plunge toward the white waters.
Vito watched in amazement as he unfurled his sails before hitting the water's surface. He then opened his beak and cut a blue line in the water. He came back up alongside Vito and swallowed his fill. "Ah, refreshing! You want to try?"
Vito looked at the white waters below, it was frightening to think he might not release his wings fast enough and drowned in the raging liquid, but his heart insisted he at least try. He nodded nervously. With his father helping him through each step, both of the males dipped toward the racing waters. Vito saw his reflection in the glistening waters and he had to say, it almost looked as if Pa was staring back, but the fluffy patch on his head and his upside down horseshoe like crest on his chest reminded him he wasn't his father after all.
"Now," his Pa started, "Drink your fill." He nudged his son closer to the stream. The mist from the white water dampened his face and chilled his nerves yet it was pleasant more than terrifyingly cold. Dipping his head low, Vito opened his beak and filled his mouth full of the icy winter waters. The liquid swished around in his cheeks before slipping down his gullet. The water was chilling to the hollow bones in his body and sent shivers up his spine. Pa only giggled and hooted. "Refreshing isn't it? Like having a waterfall explosion in your mouth, don't you think?"
Vito smiled. "Yeah, it is."
"Well this is fun and all, but mother must be back with our dinner now and we need to tell her how your flight lesson went." Vito nodded and followed Papa back to Home base. Wait until Sumitra and Ugo find out he finally flew with father and drank from the White River.
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Comments: 1

ZADRfan1 [2011-02-03 03:46:18 +0000 UTC]

“A note of caution about active verbs: Make sparing use of what John Ruskin called the ‘pathetic fallacy’─ the attributing of human emotions to natural and man-made objects.”

-Janet Burroway

“You should seek to use the active voice in all prose and to use the passive only when the actor is unknown or insignificant or when you want to achieve special stylistic effects.”

-Janet Burroway

You do a good job of keeping your verb usage fresh. But remember that when you write to be as straight forward in your character’s actions as possible. For example, in your line, “Alpha gave a chuckle” it would be more straight forward to say “Alpha chuckled.” In the line, “Vito could feel the feeling, it was filling his body” it would be more straight forward to say, “Vito felt the feeling. It filled his body” Another line that could be changed is, “he could feel the air under his wings” (“he felt the air under his wings”) Try not to use helping verbs such as “was” or “could” unless absolutely necessary. It will make for a much more active scene. And be creative. There are many ways to experience an action. =3

“On Active Verbs

A general verb creates a general impression, but a precise, active verb conveys the exact picture in the reader’s mind. For example:

General Specific

Walk Does the waiter scurry or amble?

Yell Does the coach demand or bellow?

Swim Does the child splash or glide?

Climb Does the hiker stumble up the hill or stride?”

-Janet Burroway

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