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Published: 2011-02-02 00:35:24 +0000 UTC; Views: 81; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Alpha, Tanith and Sumitra all were so pleased by their return. Tanith was worried sick about her boys, tears dripped from her face as she thanked the kind she-wolf. She said her good-byes and strolled away with her litter of unborn pups. The boys were groomed by their Mama eight times an hour. She rummage through her sons feathers so much, they thought their coats were going to be pricked off entirely. It was turning into a beautiful day and Vito still wished he could soar through the fresh autumn air, touch the sky with his wings and glide over the orange and golden trees, but Mama firmly announced that there would be no flying by themselves until each of her children learned to fly. Vito wasn't an owl known to break the rules, but he had to fly. His body had transformed into a giant magnet once he had a taste of the wind on his beak and around his eyes. His body yearned to fly once more; one flight is all he needed to get by the day until he started to practise hunting with Mama.He rolled his head toward his Ma and then at his Pa. Both were sound asleep. Ma shifted from under one wing to the other. Pa snored with his head resting on his shoulder Vito's father usually did. Sumitra fancied it better than Ugo and Vito, who slept under their wings, which Vito didn't understand at all. After a good long observe of his parents he cranked his eyes over to Ugo and Sumitra who were snuggled close to Pa, Ma and Vito himself. Ugo spoke in his sleep but Vito never understood what he was trying to say, only short, soft rumbles echoed from his beak. Sumitra rustled her glimmering sliver, grey feathers as she mingled in her deep slumber as well.
Vito slowly and quietly stepped away from his resting family. He rotated knowing he was in the clear to make a quick flight when he collided in dense, silk feathers. They were river blue with flowing streaks of turquoise, speckled with white beads of dew like dots. Ocean blue eyes gleamed in his, forcing him to blink.
"What are you doing up so late, Vito?" a melting voice of bubbling water ringed in his eardrums. He dissolved in his spot at the glance of this gorgeous Water-eye. She giggled and stroked Vito's wing with her talon. "You really must think I'm worth looking at, huh?" she snickered and ruffled her feathers that seemed as though the bottom of a waterfall. She smiled, warming Vito's every nerve. He gulped, why would an owl like this talk to an owl like me? He wondered dreamily. "Come on, take a load off and fly with me, Vito!" she wished aloud as she spun into the sun's rays. Her feathers reflected the light as though a pond in the golden streams. She effortlessly twirled and dove with grace and precision. Vito watched, hypnotized by the owl's beauty and took off chasing the young female.
They drove toward the land and banked into the sun's heat. The strips of light shimmered through the trees canopy, bouncing of the owlets feathers creating patches of yellow shine. They twisted and turned among the branches and twigs of the maples and pines. The young pair roosted near the middle of one of the many maples. The reddish orange leaves reminded Vito of Phoenix and her flaming feathers and short, burning ear tuffs. He remembered her say, as clear and crisp as day itself, "May Echo help you and Basilisk take you away." He shivered as her demonic voice thundered against his skull.
Are you alright, Vito?" asked Aqua, her voice as soft as chick down. "Are you cold?"
Vito turned to the young female and almost fainted at the sight of her vast eyes the colour of water itself. "No," he lied, "I'm fine." He wasn't sure if Aqua believed her friend's response or not, but she just nodded.
"Okay," she said with a smile.
Suddenly, a terrible shriek boomed through the two owlet's skin. The monster that made the shrill cry clamped itself to the branch in front of them. Aqua huddled closer to Vito as the demon faced him. Phoenix, with her flamed feathers too. She bored her stare through the owlet's feathers and skin. "What are you doing here so late?" she demanded puffing up to become twice her normal size. "And you!" she snarled at little Vito. "I thought your mother is postponing the flying until your runt of a brother learns to fly like a real owl?"
He swallowed hard but soon filled with rage. How dare she call his brother a runt! He puffed up becoming four times his normal volume, and nearly towering over the Fire-eye. "How dare you call Ugo a runt?! He is large for his age and a promising young owl, and I am proud to be called his big brother. But I am ashamed to call you my elder." He hissed. Phoenix was speechless and so was little Aqua, never has she seen an owlet stand up in front of an elder before, especially a powerful one like Phoenix.
Aqua was indeed impressed and followed Vito to Home base. Indeed he would make an excellent father for her children and mate for herself, yet there are others out there who could also make amazing mates. But Vito is one handsome, charming and brave owl and soon the time will come to pick a mate and Aqua knows that Vito is a promising young male to be chosen.
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Comments: 1
ZADRfan1 [2011-02-04 23:35:32 +0000 UTC]
“Significant detail, the active voice, and prose rhythm are techniques for achieving the sensuous in fiction, means of helping the reader ‘sink into the dream’ of the story, in John Gardner’s phrase.”
-Janet Burroway
“No technique is of much use if the reader’s eye is wrenched back to the surface by misspellings or grammatical errors, for once the reader has been startled out of the story’s ‘vivid and continuous dream,’ that reader may not return.”
-Janet Burroway
Now, don’t get me wrong. You have a great story here so far. But I do struggle a bit with reading it because of the formatting. As a rule of thumb, it’s always helpful to just read it back to yourself and look for any mistakes you may have missed in its writing. But as an extra measure of precaution, you may want to look into finding yourself a beta to go over your chapters before posting. Perhaps ask a friend or relative to read through it and edit out any mistakes they may find. Do NOT rely on spell check alone. It rarely catches all spelling and grammar mistakes. And also, give some thought to your spacing as well. Perhaps single spaced it looks alright on your computer. But when you post to a site like DA, you’ll want to double space between paragraphs and dialogue. This prevents it from looking like just one HUGE block of text. No published works of fiction, if you look at one, is mashed together with only single spacing between paragraphs. Think about where your paragraphs start and end. And then from there, separate them accordingly.
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