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Published: 2006-10-20 18:45:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 283; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 4
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Description
The deal was perfect,Sound and secure.
Checked countless times,
No loopholes -- to be sure.
I scanned the large room,
All expressions, reserved.
Most faces showed confidence,
Below the surface – unnerved.
The man opposite me,
Wrapped in dark cloak.
Breathed in and looked around,
Thoughts gathered, before he spoke…
Then briefly our gazes met –
I was filled with wonder, then surprise!
A window into his soul, I’d found,
It was something in his eyes!
For that moment I knew.
I could see thorough all the lies…
Aye, that was it.
It was something in his eyes…
The twinkle had given away his plan,
I knew his scheme – his plot!
But my knowledge then was too late.
Destiny, I could not stop.
Now laying in my pool of red,
I lost the money, lost the prize.
Damnit, why had I not seen earlier…
That something, in his eyes.
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Comments: 6
rainbowtohell [2006-10-20 20:16:06 +0000 UTC]
Oh, very nice! I love the chosen meter here: it moves along nicely! The delightful repetition and rhythm reminds me of Poe's famous The Raven. I'd love to read more like this.
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Invader-Tom In reply to rainbowtohell [2006-10-20 21:35:05 +0000 UTC]
I'm glad the repetition was popular. I've always thought that to be very effective in poetry.
I haven't read The Raven since I was 12, but I remember liking it. Let me look it up now...
Again thanks for comment and fav
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GreenNeptune [2006-10-20 19:59:51 +0000 UTC]
Im not good with judging poems, but I pretty much enjoyed reading this
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korenna [2006-10-20 19:47:13 +0000 UTC]
Once again, I'm enjoy how you use the underlying rhythm of the piece to contribute to the rhythm of the narrative. The "something in his eyes" is a powerful link between the stanzas, with a nuanced meaning each time.
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moon-rabbit729 [2006-10-20 19:29:36 +0000 UTC]
this is good! they scene could be about a million things!
and i like picturing diffrent things in my head!
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