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Isadamu — Behind Bars
Published: 2014-08-03 03:50:47 +0000 UTC; Views: 460; Favourites: 5; Downloads: 0
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"Star Started To Open Her Eyes, She Stared At The Gray Floor Of What Seemed To Be A Room""She Tried To Incorporate But Her Head Hurt From Last Nights Fight Whit Black Shadow, She Started Lifting Herself Slowly From The Ground But When She Tried To Stand On Her Feet She Fell To The Ground, Pulled By Something That Was Tied To The Ground"
"She Sat On Her Knees And Checked Her Hands, Her Vision Was Blurry, But Once It Got Better She Saw It"
-Whats This?, A Chain?...
"She Checked Both Of Her Hands, They Both Were Tied In Shiny Gray Chains That Were Held To The Ground, She Saw That They Were Connected To 4 More Pairs Of Chains She Followed The First Pair Of Chains And Saw A Vision That Almost Stopped Her Heart"
-KIBA!!!!
"Her Brother Was Lying On The Ground, Chained By His Right Leg, He Was Liying There On A Corner Of The Room, Blood Was Dripping From His Head And From A Deep Scratch In His Shoulder, Star Ran To Him And Lifted Him By His Back, He Opened His Eyes Slowly"
-S..Star?
-Yes Its Me
"Kiba Sat Down On His Knees And Put A Hand On His Head"
-Where Are We?
-On A Cage I Guess, Were Trapped Kiba..
-Why?
-I Guess We Were Defeated By Black Shadow, He And His Guards Were To Much For Us To Handle
-Where Are The Others?
-Here...
"Kiba And Star Turned Around To The Left Corner Of The Cage, Tsume, Hige And Toboe Were Chained By Their Legs"
-Tsume!, Are You Ok?
-Im Fine..
"Star Sat Next To A Wall, Toboe Ran To Her"
-Star, Are You Allright?, Black Shadow Beat You Up Quite A Bit, I Saw When He Left You Unconsious...
-Im Ok, The Problem Is, What We Will Do Now? , Theres No Way To Get Out Of Here...
"Tsume Interrupted Her"
-No Way To Get Out?, Theres ALWAYS A Way To Get Out, Im Not Going To Stay Sitting Here While Black Shadow and Darcia Reach Paradise Before Us, Those Two Idiots Have To Be Stopped!
-But How?
"Hige Joins The Conversation"
-Well If I Were You, I Would Suggest To Escape As Soon As Possible, Moon, Kat ,Flame, And Lola Must Be Very Worried About Us, And I Am Not Going To Stay Here Either While Those Two Reach Paradise!
"Toboe, Kiba And Star Agree, Star Suggests A Plan"
-When Nightime Comes We Will Try To Get The Chain Keys And Escape By The West Window Of The House, Got It?
"Everyone Nods"
-Got It
-"Sight" I Hope This Works...
"Meanwhile Out Of Black Shadows Walls, Moon And The Others Are Sitting In The Trees While Sunset Drags Near, Flame And Moon Are Very Worried"
-I Hope Star Is Ok...
-Dont Worry Flame, Im Sure Star And the Others Will Find A Way To Get Out, We Will Also Go And Help Them When Nightime Comes, Everything Will Be Ok..
"Meanwhile Lola Is Running Around In Circles Around The Trees, Shes Very Worried About Tsume, Shes Cursing Black Shadow Under Her Breath While Holding her Fists"
-I AM GOING TO KILL BLACK SHADOW, HE CAPTURED MY TSUME, MY BOYFRIEND!!! I WILL NOT STAND QUIET TO IT! I WILL KILL HIM WHIT MY BARE HANDS!! IM AM ... IM.... IM....
-Lola Calm Down, There Has To Be A Way To Help Them, We Will Attack At Moonrise, Star And The Others Will Be Ok, I Promise It..
"Flame Looks At The Sky And Sights"
-I Hope..
"Meanwhile In Black Shadows Jail Tsumes Having Shivers Down His Spine, Kiba Puts A Hand On His Shoulder"
-Hey Tsume, Are You Ok?
-Yes Im Fine, Its Just Cold Wind Going Trought The Cage, Dont Worry
"All Turn Around, Star Is Liyng On The Ground, Shes Starting To Fall Asleep, Shes Singing To Black Shadow While Tears Are Rolling From Her Eyes, Kiba Sits Next To Her And Listens While Star Sings"
-Dear Agony
-Just let go of me
-Suffer slowly
-Is this the way it's got to be?
-Don't bury me
-Faceless enemy
-I'm so sorry
-Is this the way it's gotta be?
-Dear Agony
-I feel nothing anymore
"Kiba Puts A Hand On Stars Shoulder, He Looks Towards The Sky, Praying That Black Shadow Would Hear Those Words"
Wolfs Rain 2 Ep 15. "Behind Bars" Part 1
Edit
Finally Finished! Hope You Like It!
Star And Flame c Me
Moon And Lola c My Friend nikkirubinstein.deviantart.com…
Black Shadow And Katrina c Me And My Friend nikkirubinstein.deviantart.com…
Kiba, Tsume, Hige, And Toboe c Wolfs Rain Bones
The Song Is Called "Dear Agony" By Breaking Benjamin
Listen to It Here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=39v9GY…
And Also Used A Base: isadamu.deviantart.com/art/Wha…
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Comments: 3
This is pretty good! The plot is good and it flows pretty good. I'm not sure if this is a series or just a short story, but if it's a short story maybe go in to detail about a couple of things? Like the fight from the previous night. If this is part of a series though ignore that.
The only other thing is a couple grammar mistakes ;v;
"She Tried To Incorporate But Her Head Hurt From Last Nights Fight Whit Black Shadow" should be "...from last nights fight with Black Shadow"
"Star Sat Next To A Wall, Toboe Ran To Her" is a comma splice, you can correct it by putting "...To a wall, and Toboe Ran to her"
& make sure to put commas w/ "I'm"
Hope this helps!
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thanks For The Help!
I Know Im Just Starting To Write Dialogues Of This Magnitude So Im Used To Make Small Mistakes! O_O
Also My Native Language Is Not English,Is Spanish So Ummm Im A Bit Outa Practice Here.....
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
You're welcome! & Ohh ok. If you need any help with spelling let me know!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0