HOME | DD

Issorah — Azure
Published: 2007-12-11 05:15:43 +0000 UTC; Views: 159; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 4
Redirect to original
Description Azure

No cloud in the sky or bird in the air,
Nor wind, nor mist, but she walked upon the
Water, smooth as glass and dark as the dusk.
No ripple, no splash, and her toes barely
Graced the water with their touch, so tender.
Alone she was, in form but not in heart.
For though she walked with none to left or right,
Nor before or behind, nor above in
The sky, azure with ribbons painted by
Sunset, below her feet, a serpent slid
Through endless depths.  His eyes were fixed on she,
His snout attuned for blood, his claws like knives,
Sheathed, polished and sharp, silver as mountains
In the fog of morning.  Scales lined his skin,
Cerulean as his eyes, though at the
Abyss they posed.  A raven, far above,
Took sight of the girl, clad in silk, pale as
Stars.  Dropping behind her silently, he
Circled once, straining to see into the
Waters below.  He saw naught, but caution
Is his game.  With shriek he descended to
Rend her heart, but the serpent saw him first.
It tore itself from depths, snapping up the
Raven, its talons frighten the meek, and
Carried it into the sea.  Shivering,
The girl stopped, beginning to sink as waves
Washed over her feet, and then submerged her
Knees.  But the serpent came, and supported
Her until she had strength to walk again.
With his strength unseen, the serpent watched the
Sky for crows, the depths for monsters, never
Leaving the path of she who walked above.
She left me not, so I will do the same.
Related content
Comments: 5

PBPhoenix [2007-12-15 07:28:25 +0000 UTC]

Interesting image to open with, which sets a very peculiar mood for the poem. Your imagery is really lovely, I particularly love the descriptors you used for the silk the girl was wearing. I'm with Glitz here in that the general American perception of a serpent is a snake, perhaps you could find another word to more clearly illustrate the creature you are describing.

also: He saw naught, but caution
Is his game.

is a phrase that I found slightly awkward, in reference to the action coming after it.

the ending lines are lovely, and a wonderful wrap up to the poem and very true to the mood. very lovely creation.

also, welcome to DeviantArt friend of my friend.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Issorah In reply to PBPhoenix [2007-12-15 17:29:05 +0000 UTC]

Thanks for the comment!
Yeah, I look back and I see a few things that could have been written better, but all well. I wrote this about a year ago and I usually try to avoiding editing my old poetry.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Issorah [2007-12-11 05:39:40 +0000 UTC]

Argh! Of course serpents have claws!
At least they do when I reference them. To me they're more like dragons without wings that can't breathe fire.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

glitz In reply to Issorah [2007-12-11 16:22:51 +0000 UTC]

That's not really a serpent then. That's more a dragon without wings that can't breathe fire.
Haha okay I'll stop messing with you
psst, click reply to my comment next time, not for the entry

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

glitz [2007-12-11 05:31:03 +0000 UTC]

yay Iambic Pantameter! pretending I spelled that right.
I like how it's metaphorical yet is still telling a story (I can understand it easier that way )
I had a really clear visual image in my head when I read this. Kind of surreal and ..well sort of pretty, though that word feels off here. It's something I could picture to draw.
Do serpents have claws though?

👍: 0 ⏩: 0