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isthisthingstillon — A Check-In
Published: 2019-01-09 21:15:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 3553; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 0
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I'm Not "Back"
So don't get excited. I just know this is a convenient way to broadcast an update to y'all on where life has led me. I'm still not around much, if at all. I do check my messages maybe once a week and pop on the chat network when I get a snow day at work. I'm creating, but it's not meant for y'all.
So illness sucks. That's not up for debate. All types of illness suck. A cold sucks. Scrambled nerves suck. Depression sucks. Vague autoimmune diarrhea sucks. Abscessed molars suck. Herpes sucks. (Not crotchpox. The shingles. I'm less sexually active than a Buddhist nun.) Then it all gets better. Medication juggling is an ongoing battle and I'm trying to find a happy medium of being just healthy enough. And then shit starts hitting the fan in every direction, people start dying, you get a job, and it all goes to hell. And then it all gets better again. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
And then somewhere in the middle of it all I've found a pretty comfortable life through self-flagellation. I don't allow myself any luxury more luxurious than one pound of bacon or one bottle of prosecco a month. I don't deserve it. Clean eating, clean living, clean mental processes, clean house. I'm sure it'll all get fucked up come the summer - it would be unlike me to keep the stability for any amount of time lbr - but for now it's great. I'm working in my industry again, dipping my feet back into having a social life, living with a grandmother I didn't speak to for six years in the old family house that was vacant for so long, knitting shawls, playing euchre, thinking in French, going to church, reconnecting with my family, growing my own henna, getting two kittens at the end of the month.
Not dating, because no. It'll be a long fucking time before I do that again.
(Can any of you imagine me ever saying that and keeping to it at any point in my past? I can't. Yet here I am.)
There's a nagging sensation that right around the corner something's waiting to blast it all to hell. If anyone on this earth has some bad karmic debt it's me. But I guess until then I'll roll with it. I might not think I deserve to be happy, but I do deserve to continue.
And I just put my hair back to m y old phoenix red.
Fuck's up with all y'all?
A Plath Excerpt
Ash, ash—
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there——
A cake of soap,
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.
Herr God, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.
Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.
Related content
Comments: 30
My partner was (mis-)diagnosed with shingles, and even had the injection (didn't help), turned out it was a form of Celiac’s; he’d had a cancer in the past and there’s sometimes an association it seems. So, huge but not-close-enough-to-itch hugs and support.
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I died a long time ago. Great to 'hear' from you, C. Stay as dandy as a lion.
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I got a new knitting machine, yo. Hopefully, once the government re-opens, I can renew my passport and go to Toronto for lessons and maybe visit you after?
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sup bro. nobody "died". i am glad you also did not die.
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eyyy my sister got married in the fall and they're closing on a house so we'll be moving soon. we have two cats now who are little shits angels. I took a writing class at the Y in the fall, learned some things about my fiction, and promptly put everything away once the holidays swung around. i read a lot of non-fiction and work at a call center and play D&D these days.
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Good to hear you're alive! Hope things get better for you.
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Are you still somewhat fuckable or.
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I don't know. Let me ask my fiancée.
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Buddhist nun made me think about a new take on Sisters Act movie.
I wish I could knit shawls :<
" growing my own henna"
OOOOOOooh, hello you! 
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I'm going to grow a big patch of it this summer, I'll hook you up if the lawsone content is any good
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I had a vivid vision of stocking up on piles of your henna paste stocked up in fridge for some future use and not using it paranoid that I will run out. D:
I am getting good heebie jeebies feeling on this.
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I found this great supplier from the states that sells henna by the pound for like under $20 but it's so goddamn grainy you could sift it and have a half a pound of just stems. horrid for body art, great for hair.
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I think that would be something several here would like for colouring hair.
I got these three cones for body art and was paranoid it was black "henna" because the picture was so dark (why make it like that ? D
that stem part ones would be good for those blocky old fashioned ones where they just dab the whole thing in the finger.
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bitch when did i not look good i always look good.
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you only post pictures of fucking flowers how was i supposed to know
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valid 
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i'm debating starting a plantation to supply your countrymen.
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Why haven't you already done this
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