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Description
Tears pour down her cheeks like the raindrops on her window. Gazing out into the street she remembered all the nights she had spent with him, all the time she’d wasted in that beater of a car… how she’d found him so attractive… But the heart wants what the heart wants, and her heart wanted him.

How had her luck landed her here? No, it wasn’t her luck; it was her own stupidity that had landed her here, this very night, these very tears… she had chosen them all. And, she had chosen this baby. Whether she wanted it or not anymore, the decisions she had made had lead her here, and there was nothing she could do about it.

//I never should have gotten in that car with him… I never should have let myself get so hammered…//

//But I was going through a lot then, I kind of needed an escape from it all… and I cared about him so much, I probably would have jumped off a cliff if he told me too.//

Regardless, it was over now, and she was stuck here, with his baby, and her own problems. Her parents would surely kick her out, but she had to tell them, there was no way of hiding it. She had to tell somebody, and she couldn’t tell Joel over the phone… that wouldn’t be fair to him.

She arose from her bed, in her darken, misshapen thing of a room. The shadows distorted all the pictures she had taken of all the places she’d been, their black and white stories manipulated by the light cast from the moon through the water droplets on her window pane. Gripping her hands to quiet their uncontrollable shaking, she moved slowly across the wood floors. Their cold penetrating her skin, chilling her to the bone, finally making her body feel like her soul. As she came to the threshold of her room, she leaned against her doorpost, catching her breath as the rest of her body began to visibly shake, moving from her hands down to her chilled toes. Tears continued to stream down her face as she made her feet, feeling like stones move one step at a time; inch by inch across the hall, down the stairs, to her parents’ room. Her shuddered breathing came to a stop as she crossed through the door. She opened her mouth, but the words wouldn’t come out…

//How do you tell them something like this?//

Her mother, looking up with concern, spoke coaxingly to her, “Adria honey, what’s wrong?”

Gripping the door she breathed in one last deep breath, thinking of Joel, it gave her the strength, he would always care for her, no matter what. “Mom, Dad… I have something I need to tell you...”

***

Black boots hit the ground in a slow but steady rhythm, splashing into the puddles from the rain that had only moments ago subsided. Red and black striped tights clung wet to the legs that wore them as a black skirt swung to and fro on well-defined hips. A soaked shapeless tee shirt hung loosely from her frail torso as fishnets crept out from beneath the dark shelves. Mascara runs down insipid cheeks though not from tears, enveloping her blue eyes in dark orbs. Her golden locks were semi tamed by a messy bun, oh so quickly thrown together that morning, as small tresses fell down to crimson painted lips, staining them a blood red hue.

Her distraction was apparent in her eyes; they seemed vacant, distant, dwelling on the events from the night before. She knew that her parents would kick her out, her mind screamed it, but in her heart she had hoped they would listen. She hadn’t told them the father’s name, she hadn’t told them she was drunk… but regardless it was still her fault, and they hadn’t listened. She had two weeks. Two weeks to find somewhere to live…

Finally reaching her school, she trenched in looking like a drown rat and not giving a fuck about it. People around her stared, sure she dressed weird, but now she looked horrible too. Reaching her locker she threw her backpack in, pulling out her CD player, she tuned out the rest of the world. Sliding down to the floor, she watched as all her ‘peers’ speed off to classes, no one taking notice of her anymore… just like she wanted it to be.

***

A battered and rusted Tahoe pulled up into the jammed school parking lot, classes had been in session for almost an hour now but the driver seemed to feel he had all the time in the world. Jumping out of the truck he grabbed his bag and started to walk towards the school, a cigarette still burning, resting on his lips. Black Vans carried him into the hallway, his baggy black Dickies almost covering them.

He didn’t see the balled up hunk of black heaped on the floor, nor the girl that hid under it, trying to escape from the world. Oblivious to his surroundings he continued his gate, tripping over her and face platting into the cold linoleum floor, sending the cigarette rolling into the middle of the hall, quite unnoticed by anyone.

“What the hell-“ He mumbled but was cut off by the harsh yells of what he had just tripped over.

“What the *fuck* do you think you’re doing?” Blue eyes glowed with rage, but in them was a hint of pain, making her more furious than ever.

He stared at her a moment, a hint of recognition coming over his face.

“Adi? What the hell hap-“ He cut himself short, seeing her anger, “I didn’t recognize you at first.”

As she heard his first words, actually listening to him this time, she flushed with embarrassment, how could she have not recognized her own best friend? This thing must really be getting to her…

“Sorry Joel. Hey, you’re late again. Sheehan’s gonna have your ass.” She smiled, trying not to let the pain show through, she didn’t want to tell him here. Not now, not in this place.

“And you…” Joel spoke as he got up, giving her a hand. “You’re skipping classes again. So he’s gonna have both our asses.” He smirked, but it faded quickly, still remembering the pain he saw in those eyes…

“Yeah you’re right. But they would have sent me to the nurse or back home to change I’m so soaked… don’t want a drowned gothic rat in your classroom now do ya?” She smiled and chuckled a little, trying to be as light hearted as possible. She’d tell him as soon as she was ready.

“And why not go home? You could just stay there all day, say you got sick from being so wet or something like that.” He smiled, knowing there was a reason she didn’t want to go home, she would have if there hadn’t been.

She was caught off guard by his perceptiveness; she had forgotten just how well he knew her. Battling with herself she knew she couldn’t lie to him… but he couldn’t find out, not here. Looking down to the ground she grabbed the CD player that had been knocked from her gasp when Joel had kicked her. “I have my reasons…”

Joel’s face clouded, something was up. Adi never acted like this before and it was beginning to scare him. Just as he was about to speak a cold hand rested on his shoulder. It was Mr. Sheehan.

Joel turned to see the old man holding him with one hand, and a cigarette in the other, he was toast this time. Adria looked up to see the two of them seemingly frozen for a moment, and her heart pounded. Joel was screwed.

“Mr. Hoffman, I believe this belongs to you?” He raised the cigarette, offering it to Joel. Taking it Joel smirked.

“Yes it does, thanks sir. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

“Hold it. You’re not going anywhere this time. You maybe 18 but I can still get you into a great deal of trouble Mr. Hoffman.”

Joel clenched his teeth; he hated how he said ‘Mr. Hoffman’. Only his dad had been called that… and he didn’t want to remember his parents right now.

“Well have fun trying Mr. She-man.” He grabbed Adria by the hand and walked down the hall towards the doors, walking out as Mr. Sheehan screamed at them about expulsions, and truancy fines. Joel just laughed, not even looking over his shoulder; he flicked off the now red face man with a smile.

Adria just sat in the truck for a minute or two trying to process what had just happened as Joel started up the engine. Seeing her in somewhat shock he leaned over, “You ok Adi?” He spoke to her coaxingly, trying to calm her.

Slowly looking up to him she nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine… that just went by a little fast for me I guess.” She gave an uneasy smile and put her hand to the back of her head, in a motion of oops-I’m-just-too-slow kind of way, with a halfhearted chuckle. Joel nodded, sensing her uneasiness to any personal questions at the moment.

After a minute of silence or two Joel, not turning to look at her spoke, “So where are we going?”

Adria looked up at him, and then out the window… Where did she want to go? She couldn’t go home… where would be the best place to tell him?

“Your place.” Her voice was more decided and firm than she’d expected, rather surprising herself.

With a nod Joel put the car in gear and drove out of the parking lot.

***

Joel seemed to almost snarl as he spoke, “I’m gonna *kill* that son of a-“

“*Joel*! He’s in jail ok?”

“For what it did to you?”

“No, he didn’t *do* anything to me. He got busted for pot.”

He looked at her now, in almost disbelief at her first statement, barely even hearing the real reason that creep was in jail. How could she not see what he had done? She was drunk… she couldn’t give consent… that bastard had raped her. But she didn’t realize it, not yet… and it wasn’t his place to tell her. She needed to figure it out for herself.

“When did this happen?” His voice was still harsh with rage, but his eyes softened at the sight of her, how could she be dealing with all of this?

She blink several times, trying to fight the tears that weld in her eyes, it was so hard to recall that night. “About three weeks ago…”

Her breath began to be shuddered again as her heart raced, she knew what would come next, Joel would realize what day that was, and blame the whole thing on himself. But he had to know none of this was his fault. She’d screwed up… it was all her fault.

Joel’s rage was quieted by the expression that now over took Adria’s face. She had been trying to hide her fear, trying to hide her pain… but now it was showing through. As he heard her words his eyes widened.

“Chip’s party…”

She drew in a quick breath, sounding like a gasp, though it was to keep her from braking down. She couldn’t find her words, but shook her head…

//No Joel… it’s not your fault…//

“The party I couldn’t come to…”

//It’s not your fault.//

“… The night I went to Kaylin’s dress rehearsal.” He looked down, his fists clenched.

//It’s not your fault!//

“I’m so sorry Adi… If I’d only been there… none of this would have-“

Anger over took her fear and she suddenly found her voice. “Stop it Joel! *None* of this your fault! I would have drunk with him anyway-!”

“But I could have given you a ride home! Then he wouldn’t have had a chance to take advantage of you!”

“He didn’t take advantage of me…” She spoke softly, tears gently falling down her cheeks.

Joel sighed, mentally kicking himself for saying anything, why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut? Moving closer to her, he wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m sorry Adi…” He spoke to her coaxingly, wishing he could take her pain away.

Sighing she pulled him closer, the tears wouldn’t stop. She pressed her now shaking body against him, trying, as it seemed, to push herself out of existence. This day had been hard enough, and she hadn’t even told him what her parents had said…

After what seemed like ages to Joel, and only moments to Adria, she spoke. Beginning in a tentative whisper, as she talked into his shoulder. “There’s more…”

Gently taking her chin in his hand, he raised her eyes to meet his. With out speaking a word, he conveyed the question on his mind… Adi nodded in response.

“I told them… I have two weeks to find a place to stay.” Her eyes showed the fear she had so hardly hidden in her voice. Joel held her softly, just as she had that fateful night before…

Lifting his eyes from her he looked around the place where they sat. The house seemed so empty somehow. The living room was bare, all the photos that once decorated the mantel of the near by fireplace were gone, the memories each held too hard to bear. His eyes followed through the open doorway to the hall, and the stairs. Four bedrooms were up there, only two used. One he would never open again.

“You’re staying here.” He spoke firmly, taking her and leaning her limp-like body against the couch and rising to his feet. Adi looked up at him, she was too emotionally worn out to argue with him… and the thought seemed comforting somehow.

Just then the door swung open and a scrawny blond girl stalked in. Dropping her bags on the floor she hollered out, “Joel! I’m home!” Moving across the hard wood floored hall, and into sight of the living room. A smile crossed her face as she spotted the two of them.

“Oh hey Adi.” She waved as Adria peered over the back of the couch. She gave a weak smile, trying to hide her eyes red from tears before.

“Kay, Adi’s gonna stay here for a while. You wanna help move her in?” Joel turned and looked over at his little sister. Kay smiled wider, no look of surprise on her face.

“That’s great! Of course I’ll help. Want me to go clean up the guest bedroom while you go grab some of her stuff?” Her eyes met Joel’s; she knew they would talk about the reason Adi was staying later.

“That’d be great Kay.” He smiled and turned to Adi, offering her his hand up.

“Ready to go?” Adi smiled, taking his hand; maybe things wouldn’t be so horrible after all.

Description
Tears pour down her cheeks like the raindrops on her window. Gazing out into the street she remembered all the nights she had spent with him, all the time she’d wasted in that beater of a car… how she’d found him so attractive… But the heart wants what the heart wants, and her heart wanted him.

How had her luck landed her here? No, it wasn’t her luck; it was her own stupidity that had landed her here, this very night, these very tears… she had chosen them all. And, she had chosen this baby. Whether she wanted it or not anymore, the decisions she had made had lead her here, and there was nothing she could do about it.

//I never should have gotten in that car with him… I never should have let myself get so hammered…//

//But I was going through a lot then, I kind of needed an escape from it all… and I cared about him so much, I probably would have jumped off a cliff if he told me too.//

Regardless, it was over now, and she was stuck here, with his baby, and her own problems. Her parents would surely kick her out, but she had to tell them, there was no way of hiding it. She had to tell somebody, and she couldn’t tell Joel over the phone… that wouldn’t be fair to him.

She arose from her bed, in her darken, misshapen thing of a room. The shadows distorted all the pictures she had taken of all the places she’d been, their black and white stories manipulated by the light cast from the moon through the water droplets on her window pane. Gripping her hands to quiet their uncontrollable shaking, she moved slowly across the wood floors. Their cold penetrating her skin, chilling her to the bone, finally making her body feel like her soul. As she came to the threshold of her room, she leaned against her doorpost, catching her breath as the rest of her body began to visibly shake, moving from her hands down to her chilled toes. Tears continued to stream down her face as she made her feet, feeling like stones move one step at a time; inch by inch across the hall, down the stairs, to her parents’ room. Her shuddered breathing came to a stop as she crossed through the door. She opened her mouth, but the words wouldn’t come out…

//How do you tell them something like this?//

Her mother, looking up with concern, spoke coaxingly to her, “Adria honey, what’s wrong?”

Gripping the door she breathed in one last deep breath, thinking of Joel, it gave her the strength, he would always care for her, no matter what. “Mom, Dad… I have something I need to tell you...”

***

Black boots hit the ground in a slow but steady rhythm, splashing into the puddles from the rain that had only moments ago subsided. Red and black striped tights clung wet to the legs that wore them as a black skirt swung to and fro on well-defined hips. A soaked shapeless tee shirt hung loosely from her frail torso as fishnets crept out from beneath the dark shelves. Mascara runs down insipid cheeks though not from tears, enveloping her blue eyes in dark orbs. Her golden locks were semi tamed by a messy bun, oh so quickly thrown together that morning, as small tresses fell down to crimson painted lips, staining them a blood red hue.

Her distraction was apparent in her eyes; they seemed vacant, distant, dwelling on the events from the night before. She knew that her parents would kick her out, her mind screamed it, but in her heart she had hoped they would listen. She hadn’t told them the father’s name, she hadn’t told them she was drunk… but regardless it was still her fault, and they hadn’t listened. She had two weeks. Two weeks to find somewhere to live…

Finally reaching her school, she trenched in looking like a drown rat and not giving a fuck about it. People around her stared, sure she dressed weird, but now she looked horrible too. Reaching her locker she threw her backpack in, pulling out her CD player, she tuned out the rest of the world. Sliding down to the floor, she watched as all her ‘peers’ speed off to classes, no one taking notice of her anymore… just like she wanted it to be.

***

A battered and rusted Tahoe pulled up into the jammed school parking lot, classes had been in session for almost an hour now but the driver seemed to feel he had all the time in the world. Jumping out of the truck he grabbed his bag and started to walk towards the school, a cigarette still burning, resting on his lips. Black Vans carried him into the hallway, his baggy black Dickies almost covering them.

He didn’t see the balled up hunk of black heaped on the floor, nor the girl that hid under it, trying to escape from the world. Oblivious to his surroundings he continued his gate, tripping over her and face platting into the cold linoleum floor, sending the cigarette rolling into the middle of the hall, quite unnoticed by anyone.

“What the hell-“ He mumbled but was cut off by the harsh yells of what he had just tripped over.

“What the *fuck* do you think you’re doing?” Blue eyes glowed with rage, but in them was a hint of pain, making her more furious than ever.

He stared at her a moment, a hint of recognition coming over his face.

“Adi? What the hell hap-“ He cut himself short, seeing her anger, “I didn’t recognize you at first.”

As she heard his first words, actually listening to him this time, she flushed with embarrassment, how could she have not recognized her own best friend? This thing must really be getting to her…

“Sorry Joel. Hey, you’re late again. Sheehan’s gonna have your ass.” She smiled, trying not to let the pain show through, she didn’t want to tell him here. Not now, not in this place.

“And you…” Joel spoke as he got up, giving her a hand. “You’re skipping classes again. So he’s gonna have both our asses.” He smirked, but it faded quickly, still remembering the pain he saw in those eyes…

“Yeah you’re right. But they would have sent me to the nurse or back home to change I’m so soaked… don’t want a drowned gothic rat in your classroom now do ya?” She smiled and chuckled a little, trying to be as light hearted as possible. She’d tell him as soon as she was ready.

“And why not go home? You could just stay there all day, say you got sick from being so wet or something like that.” He smiled, knowing there was a reason she didn’t want to go home, she would have if there hadn’t been.

She was caught off guard by his perceptiveness; she had forgotten just how well he knew her. Battling with herself she knew she couldn’t lie to him… but he couldn’t find out, not here. Looking down to the ground she grabbed the CD player that had been knocked from her gasp when Joel had kicked her. “I have my reasons…”

Joel’s face clouded, something was up. Adi never acted like this before and it was beginning to scare him. Just as he was about to speak a cold hand rested on his shoulder. It was Mr. Sheehan.

Joel turned to see the old man holding him with one hand, and a cigarette in the other, he was toast this time. Adria looked up to see the two of them seemingly frozen for a moment, and her heart pounded. Joel was screwed.

“Mr. Hoffman, I believe this belongs to you?” He raised the cigarette, offering it to Joel. Taking it Joel smirked.

“Yes it does, thanks sir. Now if you’ll excuse me…”

“Hold it. You’re not going anywhere this time. You maybe 18 but I can still get you into a great deal of trouble Mr. Hoffman.”

Joel clenched his teeth; he hated how he said ‘Mr. Hoffman’. Only his dad had been called that… and he didn’t want to remember his parents right now.

“Well have fun trying Mr. She-man.” He grabbed Adria by the hand and walked down the hall towards the doors, walking out as Mr. Sheehan screamed at them about expulsions, and truancy fines. Joel just laughed, not even looking over his shoulder; he flicked off the now red face man with a smile.

Adria just sat in the truck for a minute or two trying to process what had just happened as Joel started up the engine. Seeing her in somewhat shock he leaned over, “You ok Adi?” He spoke to her coaxingly, trying to calm her.

Slowly looking up to him she nodded, “Yeah, I’m fine… that just went by a little fast for me I guess.” She gave an uneasy smile and put her hand to the back of her head, in a motion of oops-I’m-just-too-slow kind of way, with a halfhearted chuckle. Joel nodded, sensing her uneasiness to any personal questions at the moment.

After a minute of silence or two Joel, not turning to look at her spoke, “So where are we going?”

Adria looked up at him, and then out the window… Where did she want to go? She couldn’t go home… where would be the best place to tell him?

“Your place.” Her voice was more decided and firm than she’d expected, rather surprising herself.

With a nod Joel put the car in gear and drove out of the parking lot.

***

Joel seemed to almost snarl as he spoke, “I’m gonna *kill* that son of a-“

“*Joel*! He’s in jail ok?”

“For what it did to you?”

“No, he didn’t *do* anything to me. He got busted for pot.”

He looked at her now, in almost disbelief at her first statement, barely even hearing the real reason that creep was in jail. How could she not see what he had done? She was drunk… she couldn’t give consent… that bastard had raped her. But she didn’t realize it, not yet… and it wasn’t his place to tell her. She needed to figure it out for herself.

“When did this happen?” His voice was still harsh with rage, but his eyes softened at the sight of her, how could she be dealing with all of this?

She blink several times, trying to fight the tears that weld in her eyes, it was so hard to recall that night. “About three weeks ago…”

Her breath began to be shuddered again as her heart raced, she knew what would come next, Joel would realize what day that was, and blame the whole thing on himself. But he had to know none of this was his fault. She’d screwed up… it was all her fault.

Joel’s rage was quieted by the expression that now over took Adria’s face. She had been trying to hide her fear, trying to hide her pain… but now it was showing through. As he heard her words his eyes widened.

“Chip’s party…”

She drew in a quick breath, sounding like a gasp, though it was to keep her from braking down. She couldn’t find her words, but shook her head…

//No Joel… it’s not your fault…//

“The party I couldn’t come to…”

//It’s not your fault.//

“… The night I went to Kaylin’s dress rehearsal.” He looked down, his fists clenched.

//It’s not your fault!//

“I’m so sorry Adi… If I’d only been there… none of this would have-“

Anger over took her fear and she suddenly found her voice. “Stop it Joel! *None* of this your fault! I would have drunk with him anyway-!”

“But I could have given you a ride home! Then he wouldn’t have had a chance to take advantage of you!”

“He didn’t take advantage of me…” She spoke softly, tears gently falling down her cheeks.

Joel sighed, mentally kicking himself for saying anything, why couldn’t he keep his mouth shut? Moving closer to her, he wrapped his arms around her.

“I’m sorry Adi…” He spoke to her coaxingly, wishing he could take her pain away.

Sighing she pulled him closer, the tears wouldn’t stop. She pressed her now shaking body against him, trying, as it seemed, to push herself out of existence. This day had been hard enough, and she hadn’t even told him what her parents had said…

After what seemed like ages to Joel, and only moments to Adria, she spoke. Beginning in a tentative whisper, as she talked into his shoulder. “There’s more…”

Gently taking her chin in his hand, he raised her eyes to meet his. With out speaking a word, he conveyed the question on his mind… Adi nodded in response.

“I told them… I have two weeks to find a place to stay.” Her eyes showed the fear she had so hardly hidden in her voice. Joel held her softly, just as she had that fateful night before…

Lifting his eyes from her he looked around the place where they sat. The house seemed so empty somehow. The living room was bare, all the photos that once decorated the mantel of the near by fireplace were gone, the memories each held too hard to bear. His eyes followed through the open doorway to the hall, and the stairs. Four bedrooms were up there, only two used. One he would never open again.

“You’re staying here.” He spoke firmly, taking her and leaning her limp-like body against the couch and rising to his feet. Adi looked up at him, she was too emotionally worn out to argue with him… and the thought seemed comforting somehow.

Just then the door swung open and a scrawny blond girl stalked in. Dropping her bags on the floor she hollered out, “Joel! I’m home!” Moving across the hard wood floored hall, and into sight of the living room. A smile crossed her face as she spotted the two of them.

“Oh hey Adi.” She waved as Adria peered over the back of the couch. She gave a weak smile, trying to hide her eyes red from tears before.

“Kay, Adi’s gonna stay here for a while. You wanna help move her in?” Joel turned and looked over at his little sister. Kay smiled wider, no look of surprise on her face.

“That’s great! Of course I’ll help. Want me to go clean up the guest bedroom while you go grab some of her stuff?” Her eyes met Joel’s; she knew they would talk about the reason Adi was staying later.

“That’d be great Kay.” He smiled and turned to Adi, offering her his hand up.

“Ready to go?” Adi smiled, taking his hand; maybe things wouldn’t be so horrible after all.