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jamescorck β Shark Week 2016 - Jurassic Shark
#attack #jurassic #jurassic_shark #apple #cardboard #greyscale #pony #shark #sitting #unicorn #pony_oc #mlp_oc #terrible_effects
Published: 2016-07-01 17:00:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 1618; Favourites: 37; Downloads: 28
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Ask Movie Slate - Shark Week - Jurassic SharkCommissioned by
The original idea behind this one was rather simple, and quite thematic consider the movie. It was going to be very similar to what you see here, but I was going to draw the shark with my non-drawing hand, so it would look fitting with how terrible it looks in the movie. In the end, I decided I wasn't going to be as lazy as the jagoffs that did this atrocity, so I decided to make the shark cardboard and hang it from a crane, which is already more than what the filmmakers (if we can call them that) did for this piece of shit. The rest is business as usual, with Movie Slate enjoying an apple as she prepares to make a Shark Movie herself. Also, you know why she's eating an apple? Because one of the sound effects used for the shark bites, is an apple being bitten. Not even a joke.
Where do I start on " Jurassic Shark"? It's so bad it managed to knock down "Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas" from the Bottom #1 spot on the IMDB, for a couple of months. That's how bad it is. Even judging it from a Shark Movie standard, the movie is still a pile of rubbish. The acting is appalling. The characters are all unlikable or have the humanity of a glass of water. The setting is atrocious, where it's meant to be an island but it's blatantly shot next to a river bank. And the effects look like they were made with an unfinished version of Adobe After Effects using a computer that was on its last legs. There's nothing fun or enjoyable about this needlessly padded, impenetrable void of joy and entertainment.
This is one of the worst things I've ever seen in my life, and considering how much I lowered my standards to talk about these Shark Movies, that's saying something. I rate it:
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Comments: 23
I've seen about 20 minutes of this movie, just enough to get to the first scene where we see the shark.Β I understand that they had practically no budget, so I can accept poor actors and fake looking CGI, but direction of this film is just unforgivable.Β The director has no idea how to set up a scene or make it look interesting, with people just standing around talking for extended periods in front of blank walls.Β No understanding of lighting techniques.Β Shots out of focus and way overexposed, and just terrible camera angles.Β And the editing, wow.Β Work on the script if you want a feature length film instead of just hanging on shots as people do nothing important to pad it out.Β So yeah, not a good movie.
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It's a piece of shit. It's the worst kind of bad, the boring kind of bad. If they had fun with it at least it'll be possible to watch it, or maybe even riff it, but they don't. It just sucks. Fuck this movie.
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*Incarneting Jeff Goldblum* You see, ah,you stood up in the shoulder of the guys that did the, ah, cardbox shark, and ah, before you knew it, ah, had it, and now your, ah, selling it, your selling it, ah*
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You're reaching overblum! Carefuly before you go into critical Goldblumload!
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And then....checkmate!
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If one of thes movies actually just used a cardboard shark in it, then that would already be funnier and more hilariously absurd than most of these movies ever manage to be. I'd actually watch that one.
I can just see this movie came about as who ever made this into a reality was looking at the cover of their copy of "Jurassic Park III" ('cause, you know that's the one they'd have) and figured that Park sound almost like Shark. "Cool idea, bro, that's almost the whole movie done right there."
Sometimes I wonder what really propelled sharks to become this go-to exploitation monster to mangle into this type of movie over any other ones they've courted over the years. I mean, sure "Jaws" was a popular franchise once, but could this current surge of them since the turn of the '00s have more recent roots, or did they just decide to combine beach holiday with making a movie, so sharks I guess? Anyway, I guess they make enough coin to continue being profitable for their meager budgets, so I can't fault the business side.
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They should make a movie called "Cardboard Sharks", about a shopping mall built over an ancient Indian burial grounds, and then the cardboard boxes come alive and take the shape of sharks, and attack people going nuts in Black Friday.
It's not even that, though. If the movie was a Jurassic Park rip-off then I'd love it just for the concept alone, but it's way worse than that. Birdemic had better production value than this, and it was more enjoyable as a bigger train wreck of a film.
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You got something going there, with a Black Friday themed movie. You could even just call it Black Friday since it already sounds menacing. Dunno about cardboard sharks, though. What about the products come to life and kill off the victims in ways themed off of what they are? Kind of like Maximum Overdrive. That could work...
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I could see someone making this movie with a budget of 10,000$
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There is an idea in that. It would be something different and has all the makings for an internet fad. "The Room" became one due to its incredible ineptness. "Birdemic" for its insanely bad effects. "Sharknado" for stuffing sharks in a tornado. "Cardboard Shark" having people flailing around with cardboard cutouts would be so audacious that you'd just have to see it over any of those bog-standard CGI shark fests. I mean, it's proven that you don't need good acting or a good story in these movies to become succcessful... in one way or another.
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Yeah, all you need is a stupid, outrageous idea. There's nothing crazier than Cardboard Sharks. This should happen.
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Have you considered a career in Special effects James ?Β you could make significant improvements to these movies. lolΒ The card board shark is the most realistic thing they would ever see.
Haha I could see it now, as a funny spoof of shark movies ( unfortunately these movies are spoofs in themselves ) The shark would be made from cardboard, and eats people because its low on protein. Β Β ( Probably a more believable story then whats in these movies lol )
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At least it's physical, and not just a bunch of ones and zeroes clumsily put together.
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It's a bit flat, though ;3
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OH you poor thing you had to find out about that horrible filmΒ
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It's a sinkhole of enjoyment. Not even good to make fun of it.
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What? No pink bathing suit? there's always a pink bathing suit in one of these monstrosities. ><Β
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Nah, Movie Slate goes commando. Who needs a bathing suit when you can go naked?
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