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-*-     Chapter 1       -*-

        "Dear Diary... today I saw a boy
        And I wondered if he noticed me
        He took my breath away..."
                -B. Spears, "Dear Diary"

        DEAR DIARY:

        It was a long, cold night, and I wanted to be anywhere but there.

        But there I was, stuck in the middle of nowhere, waiting on my friend to come pick me up, shivering with cold and a bit of fear... he was usually never late, and when he was, it was always trouble...

        OK, so maybe that's not exactly true... but he was usually never THIS late, how 'bout that?

        Finally, however, help came from an unexpected source...

        Oh, wait, you don't even know who I am yet, do you? Well, since I'll be talking to you... sorta... a lot, maybe I should tell you about me... I'm Sean, the boy everyone wants to be with... or so I'm told... I'm about 6'1", 150 pounds, with white-blond hair and crystal blue eyes, and the perfect body... OK, OK, I give... I'm 5'9", 130 pounds, with bleach- blond hair and weird green eyes, the kind that remind you of cat-eyes... So I don't know why people all seem to love them, especially when I hate them... and as for my body, well, it looks impressive enough when I have clothes on, but naked, I'm too skinny... well, at least *I* think so...

        So anyways, there I was, waiting for Jimmy... yeah, that's my friend, who's like never late, and who's always got some girl riding with him, only to go back to his place later... totally gross...

        Oh yeah, maybe I should mention... I'm gay. No big deal to me, but I never tell my friends... I'm too worried about what they might think, or how they would react, to ever say anything... not that I actually believe no one knows, but sometimes I pretend that, as long as I don't say anything, no one will have a clue...

        So, as I was saying, one of my other "friends" showed up all of a sudden, and saw me standing there, waiting.

        "Heya Sean!" Kevin called from his open car window. Now, Kevin was interesting: he stood 6' even, with hair so black, it shined blue in the light sometimes, and the deepest blue eyes, and the perfect body, muscular but not too much so... I know, I'd snuck a few peeks during gym, while we were in the locker room... and worst of all, I didn't know if he was gay, straight, or what... he never seemed to be with anyone, hanging out or otherwise, and I'd never heard him going out with anyone, or bragging with the other guys about nailing some slutty chick or other... which got my hopes up, though probably shouldn't have, knowing my luck.

        "Hi Kev," I answered, still shivering from the cold.

        "Whatcha doin' standing around here? Waiting for Jimmy?"

        Yeah, exactly; everyone knew me and Jimmy were close friends, and everyone knew that when I was supposed to get a ride from him, I'd wind up stnading around for quite a while waiting.

        "Yeah... he was supposed to be here an hour ago..."

        "Shit, man... hey, you want a ride?"

        Now, how could I say no? Even if I didn't need I ride, I would've still accepted one from Kevin... just being near him was so much fun, not to mention how hot Kev was...

        "Sure," I answered gratefully, and hopped in the car, Kevin taking off before I even had a chance to belt myself in. He seemed a bit... preoccupied... as he was driving, but I figured it was just some personal problem, and nothing major, until he spoke...

        "So, why are you still always hanging around waiting for Jimmy?" he asked, glancing over at me. "You know he's not the same as us..."

        I almost choked; not the same as us? Did Kevin mean he was gay, too? Or was he talking about something else? And if he did mean he was gay, how did he know about me?

        "What do ya mean?" I asked, dumbfounded.

        Kevin stopped the car. "You know damn well what I mean... you're gay, and you've got a thing for Jimmy, don't you? Well, he's not... you should know that by now, since he's always got some doped-up bimbo on his arm... or in his bed..."

        I swallowed hard, trying to will the words to come, but couldn't quite force them out... here was Kevin, two years younger than me, telling me what I already knew... but somehow, in a way, he was right; maybe I did have something for Darrell... but as soon as I thought about it, it was so ridiculous, I almost burst out laughing.

        "You're right, of course... but what did you mean, 'not the same as us'?"

        He fixed me with a stare, but not a cold one; his look seemed to convey whole worlds of meaning. "I'm gay, too... and I've had a crush on you for years now... since back in junior high... but all this time, I could never get near you, because Jimmy was always there, and I knew that Jimmy would've said something, or done something, and I would've been outted to the whole school, and then, to the whole town... and I couldn't take that risk, not back then."

        He took a deep breath, then continued. "But now, I don't care... I just wanna be with you, and be the one to hold you close and love you, and I just don't care who knows or what they say, just as long as I'm with you..."

        I was shocked... I'd had a crush on him, too, but I never guessed he might actually be gay... I didn't know what to say, or do, so I simply leaned over to him, giving him a quick kiss on the lips. He paused a moment, actually froze, then he melted into me, kissing me deeply and passionately, his body moving over into my seat with me while we were kissing, until the honking of a horn behind us reminded him where we were.

        He moved back over into his seat and started driving again, both of us breathing heavily... I was in heaven, myself. My first kiss, and with a guy I really liked! I didn't think at first it could get better... but as he was about to show me, it certainly could...

        We got to my house, and I told Kevin my parents were both out of town on business... and invited him to come in, hang out for a while, which he quickly agreed to do.

        Once the front door closed, he moved to kiss me again, and I let myself fall into the kiss, our lips locked together, our tounges dancing some strange, intricate dance as we slowly moved upstairs, to my bedroom, to "hang out"... though I knew full well what he had in mind, since it was the same thing I wanted to do...

        In my bedroom, we started feeling each other's bodies through the clothes, both of us growing harder by the second, until I felt like I was about to explode from the force. He laid me down on my bed, slowly and sensually undressing me, while I reached up to do the same to him, our naked flesh pressing together whenever possible...

        Next thing I knew, we were both completely naked, and I took the chance to look at his dick hard... it seemed so big, compared to mine... not that I'm particularly small myself, just that his was so much bigger. I'd measured myself, and I was about 7" long, but pretty thin... his was at least 2 inches longer, and almost as thick as my wrist, not to mention already oozing precum all over, covering my stomach in the sticky fluids.

        Suddenly, however, there was a loud knock at the door, and I moved carefully out from under him, throwing my jeans back on and rushing down to answer the door, only to find Mr. Congeniality, Jimmy himself, standing there, apparently angry.

        "Where the fuck were you?" he demanded, storming in the house past me and upstairs, just in time to see Kevin laying on the bed, covered by the sheets but still obviously naked...

-*-     Chapter 2       -*-

        "Dear Diary... I can't get him off my mind
        And it scares me 'cause I've never felt this way..."
                -B. Spears, "Dear Diary"

        "What... the... fuck." Jimmy said, more a confused statement than a question, as he looked from my partially undressed body, to the bed where Kevin lay, his hard-on visibly tenting the sheets which covered part of his naked body, then back to me.

        "What the fuck is going on here?" he repeated, obviously completely confused by what his eyes were seeing.

        "Jimmy, it's not what it looks like," I started, realizing after I'd said that just what a wretched, worthless line that is... like anyone on the face of the earth would be dumb enough to buy that line.

        He looked at Kevin once more, than at me, and literally ran down the stairs, slamming the door behind him, breaking the stasis over Kevin and myself... and Kevin started sobbing, calling me back to reality...

        "Kev, what's wrong?" I asked, moving to hold him tightly in an embrace... not of lust this time, but of comfort, our naked flesh pressing together just the same.

        "He knows," he sobbed brokenly, "he knows about me... he's gonna say something, I just know it..." He trailed off into an incomprehensible series of choking sobs, while I tried my best to comfort him. I didn't know what to say; I knew he was right. Jimmy's the kind of guy who would say something, too, just to get a reaction... and where we live isn't exactly free from gaybashers. That wasn't the time to worry about it, though, as we both drifted off to sleep...

        The next morning, I woke up, to find Kevin missing... but given the sounds of the shower running, I knew he hadn't gone too far. I wasn't worried, in the light of day, that Jimmy's ruin my reputation... his own reptuation relied on mine, after all, since we'd been nearly inseparable for so long... so most people would suspect that if one's gay, well... You do the math.

        I slowly and gingerly got up off the bed, feeling my joints ache from the previous day as I did so... more proof that I needed to lay off the track practice BS when I wasn't in season, though it seemed a waste to let myself go to pieces in the off-season, only to work twice as hard when it was time to practice again... but no matter right now; the only thing I was worried about at the moment was the cute guy standing in my shower, completely naked... and, did I mention, gay? No need to wonder why I was thinking about him, is there?

        I opened the door to my bathroom, feeling the heat and steam wash over my body as soon as I'd done that... obviously, he liked his showers hot, since I could hardly see through all the steam in there.

        "Sean?" he called out through the steam, seeing the door open.

        "Yeah," I called back, rather nonchalantly, as I closed the bathroom door behind me and opened the shower door, only to be greeted by a large, wet kiss... one that seemed to last forever, but when he pulled away, still not long enough for me.

        "How're you feeling?" I asked delicately, still worried about the previous night's events, and our unexpected visitor... and, finally, having the hindsight to mentally berate myself for not locking the front door... not that it would've mattered all that much, since Jimmy had a key, but ah well.

        "A little better," he answered, obviously not feeling it, as his emotions, visible on his face, suddenly took a downturn. I stepped into the shower with him, holding his body close to mine, relishing the physical contact we were sharing.

        "Don't worry about it; I thought about things, and there's no way he'll say anything, not without screwing himself over as well." I told him what I was thinking when I woke up, and he agreed, albeit a bit reluctantly, that I was probably right... he wouldn't take that big a chance with his own sexuality, not when the gaybashers in our town didn't bother to differentiate between a "queer" and the friends thereof... but at the moment, he seemed a bit more relaxed, which I was glad to see, and relaxed himself into me, his entire body seeming to touch mine, my head resting on his shoulder, his head on top of mine, our chests pressing together, as well as our stomachs... cocks... you name it. I was getting pretty turned on, just being this close to someone I'd considered unattainable before last night, and from the feel of things, he was too... his cock was definately growing hard, and fast.

        He looked down at my face, a slight smirk seeming to play across his own, and before I knew it, the shower was off and he was moving both of us towards my bed, laying me down on my back and kissing his way down from my neck, across my chest, playing with my nipples a little bit before moving on... down my flat stomach, his tounge running along each crease he could find... then, he circled around to my balls, sucking them slowly in and out of his mouth, running them around a bit, sending me into orbit with the sheer force of the pleasure he was giving me, before moving up to my cock, licking his way up the shaft before taking it into his mouth, working up and down on my pole, while I reached around to his dick, playing with it slowly, not really sure what to do... I mean, this was my first time doing something with anyone else, and while I'd jacked off before... who hasn't?... I didn't know what to do to someone else.

        After only a couple of minutes, I felt my balls start to tense as I got close, and I warned him I was about to cum, but he just kept sucking, as though he hadn't heard me... and then it happened. I felt my load trace its way from my balls, which were so tightly clenched I thought they'd permanently found a new home, up through my pulsing cock, and out into his waiting mouth... which, of course, answered the question whether he spit or swallowed when I felt his throat working to swallow every drop I'd put forth, his mouth still trying to work more out of me.

        I just laid there, completely spent and exhausted from cumming, but I planned on giving him back as soon as I could move... which didn't take too long, as I'd been dreaming of sucking on his dick for so long.

        I pushed him onto his back, working my way down his body just as he'd done to me, nibbling on his nipples a little... which he seemed to really like, as he moaned really loudly when I did that... then down his stomach, tracing along his happy trail, running circles around his cock down to his balls, which I licked teasingly, my eyes upturned to watch the reactions on his face, which was plastered in a type of joy I'd only seen before in pornos... then, up his cock I went, and down my open mouth he went, as I struggled to take him all, his cock choking me several times before I got it right... but once I did, he thrashed about in sheer ecstasy, his cock throbbing inside my throat, making it hard to stay down like that on him...

        After a good 10 minutes or so like that, I felt his entire body tense under me, and his balls started throbbing, his ballsac pulling tight against his body, as he shot load after load into my waiting throat, faster than I could swallow, and a little poured out the corners of mouth, only for me to lick them back in, my mouth still around his cock, making sure I got every last drop, before I let go, collapsing on top of him, enjoying the feel of his body against mine.

        He lifted me up so our faces were even with each other, and leaned into me, giving me a big, sloppy kiss, made more so by both of our cum still in each other's mouths. We laid like that for a while, neither of us wanting to move and break this perfect togetherness we had going, neither of us ever wanting to let go of the other again...

-*-     Chapter 3       -*-

        "No one in this world knows me better than you do
         So Diary, I'll confide in you..."
                -B. Spears, "Dear Diary"

        I woke up later that afternoon, hearing my mother's voice from somewhere downstairs... not a good sign, really, given the fact that here I was, lying naked and wrapped around a guy who was equally naked. And, of course, my mother couldn't ever bear to find out that her precious, darling son was gay... now could she? I jumped up from my bed, nearly knocking Kevin onto the floor in my desperate need to get clothed, his reaction being one of puzzlement and disorientation.

        "Sean?" he inquired, his voice heavy with sleep. "What's up?"

        "Shh!" I warned him, putting a finger to his lips quickly, hoping my mother hadn't heard him already. "My mom's home... you gotta get dressed, and quick!"

        Hearing the urgency in my tone, he started to move quickly, his perfect body disappearing under folds of clothing as quickly as he could find them, my less-than-perfect body doing the same... all the while, I could hear my mother's footsteps drawing inexorably closer.

        "Sean?" her voice called, now from just down the hall. "You home?"

        "Yeah, mom," I yelled back, glad that Kevin and myself were finally decent, if not exactly fully clothed... his shirt was still missing, and neither of us were wearing shoes.

        Her face appeared in the doorway, followed closely by her voice. "I'm just back in town for a couple of minutes, to grab another couple changes of clothes and drop you off s'more money... you OK?" she then asked, concern etching her voice... though why, I didn't necessarily understand.

        "Yeah, mom, I'm cool," I responded nonchalantly, trying to will my heart to slow down... I swear, it was trying its damnedest to get me caught.

        "OK, honey... oh, you left your diary downstairs on the table. Here ya go," she added quickly, handing it to me.

        The thing about parents is, they don't realize just how transparent they really are sometimes. Which is a shame, really, since my mother couldn't hide anything from me; never could, never will be able to. I immediately saw through her quiet secret and asked the first question that came to mind:

        "Mom, you didn't read it, did you?" OK, it came out more an accusation than a question, but it was MEANT to be a question, at any rate. I knew I'd hit the secret, of course, when she started fidgeting, her eyes shifting from me to Kevin, then back to me, her eyes revealing insight into the situation she probably wouldn't've posessed if she hadn't read the slim tome, which I'd tucked away in my backpack while she stood there, trying to come up with a suitable answer.

        "Well, it was open, I saw the first page," she quietly admitted.

        In case you're wondering (I probably would be, if it wasn't me), my family values secrecy and privacy... making the fact that she read my diary, open or not, a major no-no in our code of honor. No, I wasn't trying to make her feel bad about it... but, well, Diary, you know the secrets you hold... my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, the deepest and darkest desires of my heart... and, of course, who I am. Including being gay. Which she didn't know yet... or, at least, I had no reason to believe she did.

        "Well, then," I said, waiting for her reaction to what she read... not that I cared too much, because I knew she wouldn't do anything too terribly drastic... I mean, I've heard about kids thrown out for being gay, but not with my mom. It just didn't happen that way. Especially since we were closer than I was to anyone else... except now Kevin, who was close to me in a way she never could be. And, of course, my dearest diary, the only (person?) in the entire world who knew my most hidden secrets... and NOT just being gay.

        "Well, honey, you know I love you, no matter what," she started, apparently not sure exactly what to say... or maybe, she was holding back, in case what she saw between Kevin and me wasn't all she thought it was. Like I said, being out there wasn't the smartest thing in the world to be, and even she knew that. She gave me a meaningful look, though, conveying that she meant EXACTLY what I thought she did. Then, suddenly, pleading tardiness, she fled the room. And, consequently, a few minutes later, the house, leaving myself and Kevin the run of the house again... this time, with no further interruptions for a couple of days, save school.

        Which, of course, brought me back to Jimmy. What the Hell was I supposed to do about him now? Obviously, I'd lost his friendship over the whole... dare I say, affair?... since he had his reputation to protect, and if I was outed, and he was still hanging around me... can you say, guilty by association? So, the same thing that protected me and Kevin from a brutal bashing by, oh, the entire town... was the same thing that prevented me and Jimmy from being friends any more. Lose a friend, gain a love... life's funny like that sometimes.

        Without another wasted moment, we fell back into each other's arms, lowering ourselves slowly to the bed... nothing sexual, mind you, and we were still clothed, but just lying with him like that felt so good, especially in the wake of what had just happened, that I didn't care one way or the other. Hell, the world could end right there and then, and I'd be blissfully oblivious to it all.

        But, of course, the world didn't end. Instead, time marched on its regular course, keeping time with Kevin's bladder, and soon he extricated himself from our embrace, hurrying to the bathroom, while I lay there, still feeling that warm bliss that they say always accompanies true love, and wondering if he felt the same.

        Kevin stayed over that night by mutual consent, neither of us wanting to lose the company of the other, and we played around a bit that night... nothing too terribly memorable, save that it was with Kevin, which was enough in and of itself to make me wish I had a camcorder, to record every blissful second of closeness.

        The next morning dawned clear and bright, and I woke up to the most pleasant sensation of Kevin sucking my dick, his head bobbing up and down, not with any sense of urgency... just enough to make it REALLY feel good, and REALLY make me need to cum. And bad. However, apparently, he had other things in mind than getting me off in his mouth, as I was about to find out.

        When he realized I was awake, he stopped sucking me, bringing his absolutely adorable face up to meet mine, kissing me with a mixture of passion and urgency, as though he needed some specific action, or touch, from me, that only I could provide.

        "Good morning," I said softly after we broke our kiss. "Feeling frisky, are we?"

        "I... guess you could say that," he said, smiling, trying deliberately to draw my attention to his cock, which, apparently, needed release, as it throbbed against my thigh. However, as I moved down to take him in my mouth, he stopped me.

        "What?" I asked, curious, but he only smiled and reached around me, massaging my asscheeks, his finger running the length of my crack, pausing only briefly to play with my hole. It felt so wonderful, better than anything I'd ever done before, but at the same time, a slow horror crept through me, as what exactly he wanted dawned on me, the sheer proportions boggling my mind.

        I think I mentioned before, but he's probably about 9" long, and nearly as thick as my wrist... and he wanted my ass. Which was still completely virgin, since I'd never even fingered myself. And which was about the size of a pea around, and probably nowhere as deep as his cock was long. Still, though, what he was doing right now felt so good...

        I sighed and gave in, expecting the worst and praying for the unlikely, and shifted to allow access for his dick to my ass, when he stopped me, a look of sheer horror crossing his face.

        "What?" he asked, shocked. "Aren't you gonna use lube?"

        I admitted to him that I'd never done anything like that before, so I didn't have the slightest clue what to do. I mean, after all, it's not like they teach about gay sex in school, now is it? He chuckled and reached into his backpack, which I didn't remember him bringing in, pulling out a bottle of some clear liquid, opening it and pouring a lake of it into his hand, running it up and down his throbbing, pulsing dick, then using his well-lubed fingers to slowly start working in and out of my ass.

        Right at first, it hurt. A lot. But he was slow, and gentle, and soon enough, I was slamming my ass back on his fingers, trying to get more into me, unable to believe just how good it felt... which, of course, was exactly when he pulled his fingers free, smiling a little at me.

        "Now, this'll hurt a little more," he warned me, but I was so excited by the magic his fingers had worked, I didn't care, and told him so. With a slight chuckle, he placed his dick at the opening to my hole, and pushed slightly, getting the head in. And I screamed.

        I tried to ignore the pain... I tried to push him out... the first didn't seem to do anything, and the second seemed to just draw him further in, which made it worse.

        "OWOWOW!" I yelled, writhing in agony. "PULL IT OUT! PULL IT OUT! IT HURTS!"

        He held me calmly, letting me get used to the mammoth cock partially buried in my guts, before he pushed further, pausing often on his way down my hole, before he finally hit bottom.

        Suddenly, however, as he did, I felt a strange tingle go throughout my body, almost like when you're cumming... I didn't cum, surprisingly enough, even though it felt like I would. Better still, though, my ass no longer hurt at all. Just... this most wonderful feeling of pleasure, covering my entire body like a warm wool blanket. I thrust back on him, trying to take more, and he responded by pulling most of the way out, then thrusting back in, making me want more, and more...

        We quickly gained momentum this way, him pulling out and slamming back into me, me timing my backthrusts to get as much as possible of him into me... and then, I felt his body tense up, and just as he hit my prostate (as I found out) really hard, making me see stars and sending my cum flying, he shot his load inside me. I could feel its strange, slimy warmth covering my insides... and stranger still, I kinda liked it. I liked the feeling that I'd gotten him off like that... and even better, that he'd gotten me off without touching my cock once since I'd woke up.

        We just lay there like that for what seemed like hours, his dick still buried in my hole, which was now quite a bit looser, thanks to his massive cock, but also a lot happier... like something was missing, something he'd given me...

-*-     Chapter 4       -*-

        "Dear Diary... today I saw that boy
         As he walked by, I thought he smiled at me..."
                -B. Spears, "Dear Diary"

        Afterwards, it was safe to say I didn't expect that I could ever be quite that happy again. Not that I was really all that worried, since I knew that I'd still be happy with him, no matter what happened... it's just that, when he finally pulled out of me, it felt like a piece of me was missing again. And this time, I knew it was missing, so I was able to mourn its loss... and, of course, look forward to the next time I felt quite so complete.

        Little did I know just how long that wait might turn out to be...

        We took a quick shower, more to rinse off the combined slime from our cum and the lube than for any real need for cleanliness... after all, we HAD already taken a shower. But hey, when in doubt. I lathered him up first, taking special care to get everywhere... and I DO mean everywhere...

        I started with his strong neck, then moving quickly to his hard chest and perfect six-pack abs, rubbing in slow circles over his body, him enjoying every minute of it, if the look on his face was any indication... he moaned weakly when I rubbed my hand gently yet teasingly up and down his still semi-hard shaft, which started growing again. From the looks of it, I might have a chance to be complete again sooner than I'd realized! But no, I decided to be good and just clean him off, rubbing his balls gently between my fingers before moving on... his perfectly muscular legs, covered very lightly in the softest hair... his beautiful feet... then, back up his legs, over his smooth, perfect ass, up his muscular back, down along his arms. I pulled down the showerhead, spraying him off in the semi-mist that came out, then put it back up, thus giving the unspoken signal that it was his turn.

        He took the same route as I, his every touch seeming to set fire to my entire body, his every stroke like a quick orgasm to my senses. He traced deliberately slowly down my chest, flicking my nipples a few times more than he really needed to... not that I, of all people, was complaining. He slowly traced his way down my smooth chest and stomach, passing through my very slight gathering of pubes to play with me a bit, getting me rock hard... not that it took much effort, coming from him... then down my hairless legs, tracing symbols into my legs with his short fingernails and the soap, clearly getting as much pleasure from it as I was, caressing my feet, then back up the reverse, moving slowly the entire way, rubbing his fingers greedily within my crack, pressing his fingers against my hole, a couple of fingers finding their way inside my ass, drawing a deep moan from me as I shuddered against his fingers, trying to draw them as deep within me as possible. He pulled back, then, tracing his way up my spine, sending goosebumps and shivers throughout my body. Then, next came the water, and we were done, each of us grabbing a towel and rubbing the other down with it.

        Finally, exhausted further from the shower after, we returned to my room, not tired enough to sleep, but too tired to really do anything else, so we just silently and mutually agreed to lay together on the bed, cuddling and simply enjoying each other's company... no words were said, none were needed, our physical contact being all we really needed to communicate our feelings of love back and forth. His head lay peacefully on my shoulder, and I realized that it really, really didn't get any better than this, ever. THIS was what love felt like. And I'd do anything to keep from ever losing this peaceful, wonderful feeling...

        The day passed with us not doing much, just lying together, revelling in each other's company, while day turned to night. Funny, love doesn't stop time... but it sure does seem to make you wish you could, doesn't it?

        Next thing I knew, it was the following morning... and wouldn't you guess it, that made it Monday. School. *insert retching noises here*

        As you could probably tell, I was much less than eager to subject myself to the ritualistic brainwashing that the wonderful country of the U. S. of A. called the school system. But hey, you can't get the big jobs with the big bucks without school (or so they always claimed), so for the sake of a future in which I was filthy rich, I decided to forgo my predisposition for boycotting schooling in favor of actually attending. Now and then, that is... after all, if I was there too much, they might take my presence for granted. And we couldn't have THAT, now could we?

        I gently roused my beautiful beau from his sleep with a gentle kiss, which he returned once his eyes were open enough to take in when and where we were.

        "Morning, sleepyhead," I chided him gently, pulling on him to get him up... though another part of him was up already, and obviously yearning for my attention... but, unfortunately, a quick glance at the clock proved that we didn't have time, unless we cut first period... and unlike me, Kevin wasn't the kind of guy to miss class. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's a sweetheart, and a rebel on his own terms, but when it came to school, very little was more important than that. Including, but not limited to, his sexual gratifications.

        "God, what time is it?" he mumbled in his husky, 'I-just-woke-up-and-DAMN-I-wish-I-didn't' voice, trying to squint at the clock... but, apparently failing, looked imploringly to me to translate the strange symbols his unfocused eyes saw.

        "7:45," I answered, already in motion, grabbing what I'd wear to school... black 'beater, black Jnco shorts, sandals. Pretty basic gear, since during the day it could get hot as hell, and I didn't feel like either baking in the sun wearing jeans, or boiling and dripping sweat... same attire, though. He groaned a little, out of sheer need to NOT move, but after a few ignored attempts to convince me to let him sleep, he hoisted himself out of bed delicately, making his way for my bathroom, and most probably for the shower within. Good idea, my mind agreed, as I followed him in, both by choice and by my body's automatic pilot.

        We jumped quickly into the shower, adjusting the water from the 'iceberg' motif to the 'tropical rainforest' motif as fast as the temp would change, us being in too much of a hurry to really fool around, though we exchanged more than a few looks... heavy staring, actually, would be the appropriate term... and I knew that, if we had time, we'd be all over each other, right then and there. Another reason I had to hate school: it was ruining my personal life already, and I'd only just developed a decent enough personal life for me to give two shits one way or the other.

        Sooner than either of us would've liked, the shower was over, and we were throwing clothes on, hiding the objects of each other's desires... though I still didn't understand why he'd desire me. But hey, it gave me access to the object of my desire, so I wasn't about to go around complaining about the situation now.

        Once fully dressed, we stayed right inside the front door a full five minutes (or longer, it was probably longer) locked in a deep, passionate kiss. After all, we knew we wouldn't have another chance until school got out, what with the popular vote being anti-gay and all in our school... hell, in our whole town.

        Finally breaking the kiss, we headed out the front door, both of us going to his car, since we decided, by mutual consent, to ride together to school that day. And the next. And so on, and so on, ad infinitum... or, well, until the end of the school year, at least. I mean, sure, HE wouldn't be out of school yet... but since he was jumped forward a year, he'd only have to suffer one year there after I broke free from the dismal prison we liked to call school. I jumped in, he fired up the car, and we were on our way to what could've been either the best or the worst day in our high school career.

-*-     Chapter 5       -*-

        "...And I wondered, does he know what's in my heart
       I tried to smile, but I could hardly breathe..."
                -B. Spears, "Dear Diary"

        By the time we had finally arrived at the school, we had both decided that we couldn't let anyone know about us... except, depending on Jimmy's way of thinking on the whole subject, he might tell someone. I doubted it; he'd be risking his own hide, if someone knew his best friend since like forever was gay... but he might still say something, out of a moment of indecision... or the wrong word might slip at the wrong time... one of a million things could go wrong. And if my life, up until Kevin, was any indication, something WOULD go wrong. Call me a fatalist, but I know when the deck's stacked against me.

        We shared a loving gaze while still in his car, tucked so far back into the parking lot that no one would see us, before we got out, promising to meet for lunch and heading towards our first classes. Which, for me, was English. With Mrs. Alto. Not entirely an unpleasant situation, as she was my favorite teacher, but not entirely pleasant either... it meant no chance to either daydream about Kevin, or worry about Jimmy.

        Speaking of Jimmy, he never showed up for first period (and yes, I shared first period with him), leading me to wonder what'd happened... first off, sure, it was entirely possible that he had simply cut, as he had so many times before... but dammit, he was my best friend in the world before this weekend, and I didn't want anything to have happened to him... especially since we last spoke the way we did. If something had happened to him, I knew it'd be on my conscience for the rest of my natural life, and that was a concept I didn't want to think about.

        I was so deeply sunk into thought that I didn't realize that Mrs. Alto had called on me until she stood over me, her overpowering presence bringing me back into reality. She was a sweet woman (otherwise I'd've never liked her), but when she was mad... as evinced by several people I didn't care for at all... she could be the most evil, sadistic teacher at the school. Which I had not believed possible, only having had Mr. Albrecht the year before.

        "Sean?" her voice called, cutting through the fog of my introspection and self-loathing. "Were you planning on sleeping your way through my class today, or did you think you might actually participate?"

        I blushed under the sudden realization of the scrutiny of an entire class of idiots and asses... not to mention a few people I actually thought moderately cool... and ducked my head to hide it, sheepishly muttering an apology... I had actually done my homework Friday, so I could look good in class (especially since I never do my homework), but now, I would be lucky to have it all balance out. I cleared my throat, which seemed absurdly loud in the silence of the classroom, and launched into my recitation of Canterbury Tales, noting with a bit of glee that several people were in awe of my perfect accent and rhythm.

        Oh, did I ever mention? I've always wanted to be either a singer (read: in a boyband) or an actor, or maybe a writer... I've written enough poetry and stories to silence my critics, even if my stories aren't exactly 100% kosher, or my poems are a little... dismal, dark, scary. First time someone read one of my poems, they predicted me to be a serial killer some time in the future. Hah... like that'd happen.

        Finally, class was over, but Mrs. Alto asked me to stay back and talk to her... which, a bit hesitantly, I did, half fearing getting a detention, or worse.

        "Sean, is something the matter?" she asked in that concerned voice of hers... but, concerned or not, I could hardly tell her the whole truth. PARTS of it, sure... but to tell her everything that was tantamount to suicide, for in this small town, who could be trusted? You got it: no one. For as much as I loved Kevin, I didn't even know that he, for certain, could be trusted... only reason I believed in him was because he'd be in as much danger as I. Same for Jimmy... though sometimes, you never know.

        "Well, me and Jimmy got in a fight over the weekend," I said in my best offhand tone, electing to tell her what little I considered safe enough, "and with him not here and all, I was just worried... hoping he didn't decide to go do something stupid, I guess."

        She seemed to expect more, but that she would have to find out from someone else... which meant that, hopefully, she wouldn't find out at all. Not unless I was far, FAR away from there. Shrugging slightly, I turned and went back to my seat to get my things together, leaving just as her first students for the next class started showing up...

        Suddenly, as I was walking out the door, not paying attention to where I was going, I ran into someone, and knocked both of us down into a pile outside the door. A few people just kinda walked past, but everyone else came closer, watching to see what was going on or asking if we were OK, as I started to pick up my backpack and apologize to whoever it was...

        And 'whoever it was' just happened to be Zack, this really... and I mean, REALLY... cute guy I'd seen around the school before. He was a little shorter than me, with long, spiked blond hair, beautifully deep blue eyes, and perfect red lips... which my attention seemed to always be drawn to, probably partly because he was always wearing lip gloss, which was considered a strange thing for guys to do. But then again, when you are as popular as Zack, no one says shit... no one would dare question whether or not he was gay, which I had a feeling was a good thing. I'd hate to see someone that beautiful get hurt.

        Right now, however, my eyes were fixed tightly on his, neither of us seemingly able to look away, until the crowd finally started thinning out as the warning bell sounded, alerting us that there was only a minute until we had to be at our classes. However, I don't think he cared any more than I did... sometimes we would cut our classes together, even though he was a freshman and I was a senior. Which was part of why he was so popular: the more seniors he hung out with, the less like a freshman he was treated and the more like a senior, which meant automatic "in-crowd" status.

        "Hey, Sean, sorry about that," he said, finally pulling himself together and getting up, offering me a hand, which I clenched greedily, all thoughts but him lost from my mind.

        "Nah, it was my fault, Zack, don't worry about it," I replied offhandly, though my heart was racing from just this simple, casual contact.

        He let go of my hand, but instead of walking towards his next class as I somewhat expected, he turned and was heading for the Tri... or, more likely, the area behind the Performing Arts building. Where we usually hung out, since no one on the faculty ever went back there, even when doing security sweeps, making it the ideal place to ditch without having to worry about the Campus Police (and I use the term loosely) catching us. Since he was headed back there, I decided to cut gym and go hang out with him... it was more fun than gym anyways, partly since he was cuter fully clothed than most of them were fully naked... not that I would've minded seeing Zack naked, but it would've had to wait. Forever, most likely.

        We got back there and Zack pulled out his cigarettes, lighting one and offering one to me, which I took.

        OK, don't look at me like that. Yes, I smoke... I never denied it, did I? And I know it's bad for me... but I don't care. I'll die eventually, I suppose, and it won't be any time soon... so why worry about the future? I mean, especially that far into the future...

        He sat down, inhaling deeply, and I took the chance, emboldened by my weekend, to sit a mere few inches from him, our legs nearly touching... which he didn't seem to notice, or if he did, he didn't react at all. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him, while we sat there smoking: the way the wind made this one strand of hair fall into his face; the way the light seemed to play off his hair like a halo; the way he held his young, strong body, so sure of himself and everything around him.

        "So," he said, breaking the silence, "I heard you and Kevin've been hanging out, huh?" I was slightly shocked that word had gotten around so fast, but I knew I had to be quick to respond to that, or Zack would suspect something, and friend or no friend, he'd be quick enough to turn me over to the bashers...

        "Yeah, he picked me up Friday night from work, when I was waiting on Jimmy," I answered lamely, not really knowing what I should say... obviously, not the whole truth. I began getting nervous, not sure what exactly might happen, or what Zack knew, or what to say... and I started fidgeting, my leg rubbing lightly against his, so lightly I didn't even notice until he brought my attention to it by clearing his throat lightly and glancing meaningfully at my leg... but when I followed his gaze down, I'll be damned if I didn't see a bulge under those jeans! It was then I knew that I had to try, to see how much I could test the waters before I got in trouble here. I kept rubbing my leg against his, now a bit more forcefully, my eyes meeting his and not looking away, even when the seconds turned to minutes, and the end of second period was drawing dangerously near...

        "You, uh, doing anything tonight?" he asked, a bit uncomfortably from his tone, and no wonder why: even through his jeans, I could tell he was hard as a rock from my little teasing, and I knew exactly what he had on his mind...

        "No, nothing that can't be put off," I replied softly, not letting up in my pleasurable torture. "Why, you wanna hang out after school?"

        He merely nodded, watching our legs rub together, his eyes frequently darting to my cock, which was rock-hard as well and pretty obviously so in my shorts... and I realized that this was gonna be a great day. I was even tempted to move in for a little kiss to seal the deal when the bell rang, and we both jumped up, rushing to both conceal our respective growths and to hurry out of the restricted area to a more public place, where we could wait until the next class...

        The next couple of classes went fairly quickly, with little more than the odd stare as I grew both more excited with the prospect of being with Zack later that day, and moody since no one had seen Jimmy yet... and though he'd cut class as often as I would, he'd never cut the entire day. And he was never sick, so that didn't cross my mind for more than a brief instant before I supressed it...

        Then, finally, lunchtime, and realization of the truth came to me as I saw who was waiting for me outside the class doors: Kevin, a cocky little half-smile pasted to his face as he watched me fighting my backpack to get the books in, so I could hurry up and get some food, and maybe get a new topic to think about... well, then again, since I hadn't even thought about Kevin since much earlier that day, it worked admirably, as I considered the complications of my potential 'hanging out' with Zack later that day.

        "Hey," he called in to me when the room was finally mostly empty, coming through the door to plod me along in my unpleasant task. Finally, however, I got everything together, and made my way out the door, Kevin close behind me. "Hey, aren't you gonna say anything?"

        I let my eyes quickly evaluate the area... dead for the moment, so I turned to him, frustration in my eyes. "Well, see, I'd LOVE to kiss you, here and now," I slowly whispered, watching his face go pale and slack as I did so, "but, I've got this thing called self-preservation that says, the less the better. So, we keep it cool, or we get ourselves caught."

        I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't like either option that much, but he knew as well as I that neither of us had a choice... not if we wanted to live to tell the tale. So, resigned to the situation, he merely flashed a half-hearted smile at me as we continued to the parking lot, loaded into his car, and took off for the nearest fast food place... which, for us, was the Golden Arches of McDonald's. Not the choiciest food, but a lot better than the slop at school, I'll give you that.

        We managed to keep our cool at the restaurant, but it was really hard, especially when one of my old friends showed up.

        "Hey, Sean!" I heard from behind me, and turned to find Ryan, one of the guys from the soccer team a couple of years back, latched onto me. Not that I would've minded otherwise, but even among friends, this was pushing the envelope more than a little bit.

        I stepped back to admire him after all this time: he was 19, about 6'3" now, with sunbleached blond hair and a deep, dark tan, the sort you only get from spending most of your time on SoCal beaches... exactly where I'd expect to find him, since soccer wasn't his main love anymore... But guys are. I knew about him back when, three or so years ago, one of his good friends, Jacob Azure, got gaybashed by one of the most wellknown and feared people in the area, Chris Miller.

        Anyways, so Ryan sat down with us, and we were talking about old times and current stuff, Ryan and me talking about Kyle Carmody, another friend of ours who disappeared from town the year before... and to top it off, Kyle was Jacob's boyfriend, and we (among the close friends) knew that Kyle always blamed himself for what happened to Jacob... just as everyone knew the only person Jacob ever blamed was Chris himself. Meanwhile, Kevin and I got Ryan caught up on the current gossip at school, including that Jimmy and I got into a fight, and hadn't been seen since...

        "That's a shame, Sean," Ry said sympathetically. "I know he was your best friend, and he and I were kinda close for a while..." He kinda trailed off, but before I could ask him what else he was gonna say, everyone (meaning all the high school students) got up and started moving towards the door, apparently to make their way back to campus... which Kevin and I took as our cue, getting ourselves ready to leave.

        "Ry," I asked, "how long are you in town for?"

        "I dunno," he answered. "I got some time off from work, a couple of weeks, and I didn't really have any other plans besides coming up to see all the friends, so I thought I'd just stick around town for a while, see what's up."

        "Ya know," Kevin chimed in, from right by my left shoulder, "you should come hang out with us later on today... we're just gonna be hanging out around the house, nothing special or anything..." Suddenly, I realized I had two separate afternoons planned, one with me and Kevin (and now presumably Ryan), the other with me and Zack... and I couldn't see a way to get out of either easily, not without hurting some feelings along the way. And the two afternoons DEFINATELY would not work together... I mean, me and Zack would probably play it low for a little while, then get into the action and be having sex... with Kevin by ourselves, the same thing would happen, but with Kevin and Ryan, I doubted it... for one thing, Ryan never seemed interested in me, and I doubted he had any clue about Kevin, while Kevin had no idea about Ryan, meaning he'd be playing low with him around, no matter what. And if I tried to add Zack into the mix... well, it would be pure disaster. No one would feel comfortable talking around anyone else. And just when I had a chance to get Zack outta his shell. Not to mention see him naked for the first time. I cursed my luck, when Kevin suddenly did a double take, turning to me and grimicing.

        "Aw, shit, I almost forgot... I'm supposed to be helping out at the house today, so I can't hang out until late... is that OK?" He looked unhappy, as though he was afraid I'd react badly, while I was busy thanking Whoever made it work out.

        "I guess we can do that," came my response, as I tried my hardest to sound both offhand and slightly offended, and was rewarded with a hurt look in his eyes, which made his heart melt, forcing him to playfully jab Kevin in the side. "Of course it's OK, Kev! Don't worry about it... we can get together later."

        ~After me and Zack get together for a while,~ I thought, but quickly shoved the thought away before I actually said it out loud... a bad habit of mine, that is, thinking out loud.

        The trip back to campus was uneventful, considering that it was all of a 2 minute drive. Once we got on campus and out of the car, we split to go our separate ways after setting when Kevin would arrive later that day.

        As Kevin walked off, I started walking towards my next class, only to see Zack and one of his best friends, Johnny...

        Now, Johnny was another guy I've had my eye set on for quite some time... he was in Zack's grade in school, but since he was Zack's friend, instant popularity... it all worked around, like I said before. Not that I would ever complain about him... he stood a little shorter than me, with short, spiky brown hair and deep blue eyes (which, I found out, were colored contacts... but they were very beautiful all the same), a deep golden tan covering his entire exposed body (and, from what he'd heard from a couple of people who'd claimed to have seen, in other places as well), with a slight yet muscular build to match Zack's... the two of them made a very cute pair, chatting and laughing without a care in the world, away from everyone else... In all honesty, I wouldn't've minded being there with them, talking like I didn't have a care in the world... but I don't know how comfortable I'd be there with them. And I know I'd be drooling pretty much the entire time, which doesn't make for privacy and staying in the closet. So instead, I just kept going...

        The rest of the day went by insanely slow, and my mind was constantly running over what might happen when Zack and I were at my house. Alone. Making things more complicated, as I now had to try and concentrate, PLUS hide the fact I had a raging hardon thinking about Zack and me later that night...

        Finally, the last bell of the day sounded, releasing me to the world, and I found Zack over where we usually meet, just by the bike racks... with Johnny standing right beside him.

        "Hey Sean!" Zack called, as soon as I came in sight, and they both waved to me, while I waved back, trying to figure out what was going on...

        ~Most likely,~ I reasoned, ~Johnny's just hanging around until me and Zack take off, then he'll go do his thing, while we go do ours. At least, I hope so.~

        As soon as I was near enough to talk without yelling, Zack announced, "Johnny wanted to come hang out with us. If that's OK with you, of course," he finished demurely, confirming my fears that I wasn't getting out of this one easily. Considering I'd have Johnny nearby to drool over, that wouldn't be so bad, but then again, this would make my ideas of what 'hanging out' with Zack would've been not exactly work.

        "Sure, no problem," I said, as cheerfully as possible, though definately not feeling cheerful, then or on the way to my house... which, luckily, was a short walk. Ah well, I figured, at least there was eye candy, up close and personal.

        Once we got there, we started moving around the house, not really settling in any room, until Zack noticed the pool in the back yard.

        "Tight!" he exclaimed when he saw it, opening the door to the patio as he called back to me, "Is it cool if we swim awhile?"

        Now, who was I to say no to such a lovely thought? And even if I was dumb enough to say no, I doubted Zack was gonna stop and wait for an answer... though I got a bit nervous when he stripped down to nothing right in front of me on the patio, and from Johnny's reactions, he wasn't expecting it, either.

        "What the hell are you doing, Zack?" he asked, torn between confusion and revulsion, from the tone of his voice.

        "Oh, shut the fuck up and jump in," Zack said, "and don't worry about Sean. He's cool."

        Now, THAT was a little more than cryptic, but after Johnny turned to watch me for a second, he stripped as well, exposing his smooth, tanned body for a brief flash before diving into the pool as well, leaving me still fully clothed, with a raging hardon, and the only one not in on the pool party. And with the enticement of the two guys already in there, either of whom would be fulfillment to a fantasy, I couldn't resist joining in on the fun.

        In record time, I had my clothes off and my body in the cold water, thankful that it was bringing my hardon down quickly. I avoided staring at them as much as possible, swimming lazy laps around the pool and splashing around, generally making a lot of noise and a big mess... but I couldn't help but feel like there was something else going on, something neither of them was telling me... especially when I caught, out of the corner of my eye, Zack staring at me and whispering in Johnny's ear.

        Sooner than I'd like, everyone wanted to get out, but since I didn't have the foresight to bring down towels from the linen closet, we all agreed to simply laze around in the sun on some of the lawn chairs my parents kept around for relaxing. Not that this was exactly relaxing to me, with Zack laying to my left, his soft cock resting on his stomach, the head pointed at me, and with Johnny on my right, turned facing me, his cock semihard and just barely starting to throb... there was obviously quite a bit of sexual tension in the air, and I wasn't the only one to feel it.

        Finally, when I thought I was about to break, Zack got up and sat next to me, right between me and Johnny, while Johnny sat up and moved a bit closer to the both of us, his cock now aimed right at Zack's ass. Zack kept his eyes locked on mine, and I kept mine locked on Zack, running up and down his beautiful naked body, less than an inch from me, his cock starting to get hard... as was mine, from having him this close to me.

  :: continued in Part 2 ::